


believe in me who believes in you

by Wertiyurae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Earth C (Homestuck), F slur, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Kanaya Maryam/Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, M/M, The Homestuck Epilogues, as of Christmas update, because Davebot is a tool, r slur, spoilers for 10/31 update, this is not a bashing fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wertiyurae/pseuds/Wertiyurae
Summary: Meat!Karkat meets Candy!Dave... he’s not impressed.Update: Candy!Dave starts a journey to seek out his old friends... it doesn't go quite as he expects. Turns out no one's having a good time.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 161
Kudos: 310





	1. Karkat

**Author's Note:**

> More Davekat Thirst Federation indulgence. I'm pretty happy, over all, with how this one came out (and the fine folks at DTF really enjoyed it!), so I've decided to share it with the rest of you. Enjoy!

The figure on the floor is familiar. Too familiar. "Dave?"

No answer. 

He creeps closer, as though making any noise at all will cause something terrible to happen. As though anything more terrible could happen. Karkat has seen enough death in his life to recognize it. Dave is too still. Much too still. 

It's not until he's close enough to reach out an touch him that Karkat realizes how _old_ Dave looks. Karkat has seen older humans, but it's different when it's Dave. Deep, unhappy lines are deeply etched into his face. Lines he'd never thought he'd ever see there. It looks... it looks wrong.

"What the fuck happened to you?" 

No answer. But of course there wouldn't be.

Except there is.

"I got an upgrade." 

Karkat's eyes jerk upwards, and he's looking into a metallic face. A horrible, silvery mimicry of Dave's face. He supposes, with an edge of giddy hysteria, that it only makes sense that a robot would have such a blank look, but it makes his insides twist painfully. It's been a long time since he's seen Dave make this particular non-expression. "What?"

"I got an upgrade," Dave? repeats blandly as though he were talking about nothing more interesting than the fact it would rain tomorrow. "Looks like you got an upgrade, too, Karkat. Nice work with the eye. I'd never know you'd lost it."

Karkat has no idea what Dave's talking about, but he sure feels like he's lost it. It being his sanity. "What the fuck?"

Dave only regards him coolly. "Look, I only came back because Aradia wanted to pick up Sollux, and I figured I'd see how corpse me was doing." He makes a bare movement of his fingers in the direction of said corpse. "Ugh. I forgot how uggo I was."

There is so much wrong with these statements, Karkat can't decide which thing to focus on. "Why... I don't understand. Sollux?" He shakes his head. Of course, his pan would latch onto the least important thing. "Why are you so fucking nonchalant about being a god damn corpse, Dave?"

"Because corpse me was a fucking sad sack?" For the first time in this exchange of words which could only laughably be called a conversation, Dave's tone changes to contain an ever so faint hint of disgust. "Obama came through for me one more time and showed me the light. The light being accepting the destiny of being the most me me to ever exist." 

Karkat wonders if this Dave is physically capable of smiling. The part about Obama is bizarre considering that Obama died long before Earth C was created, but that isn't the most confusing thing Dave's said. "The most you you? What the fuck does that even mean, Dave?"

Somehow, the expressionless face appears smug. "Going Ultimate, my dude. Being all the me I can be. I am fucking Legion, Karkat. We're all in here. All the dead ones. All the ones who never existed. If you ever wondered to yourself, what makes Dave so Davey, I am it."

Going Ultimate? It sounds important, as though it'd be capitalized and everything; it also sounds like the biggest pile of hoof-beast shit that Karkat's ever heard. "Bullshit."

Robot Dave tilts his head. "That's all you've got to say? Man, Karkat, I've got to say, I'm disappointed. Here I am, anointed by fate, spitting truth, and you come across all uncouth in the face of the facts. There are no take backs. So what if I break hearts? You got the head start there. I've got the universe on a silver platter, so what does it matter what you think? I wasted so much time pinning and whining about what I couldn't have, and now I've got it all. So get on the fucking ball and roll, my troll, 'cause it's me for whom the bell fucking tolls." He makes a sweeping bow. 

Karkat sifts through the prettied up bullshit to find the fart nugget of truth. "I broke your heart?"

"Fuck no," Robot Dave denies in the way Dave does when he doesn't want to admit that something hurts. "I was just being retarded." He steps closer to Karkat. "You're not that important."

It's been a long time since Karkat's heard that word from Dave—especially since Dave was the one who finally got Karkat to break that particular habit. The combination of reminding Karkat that _he_ should be pretty sympathetic to people being looked down on just because of how they were born as well as reminding Karkat that, as much as he liked to hide it, he had a soft center that didn't actually like hurting people who didn't deserve it had been enough to get him to stop saying it.

The shock is enough to protect Karkat from the full effects of hearing he's ‘not that important’ coming from his boyfriend's mouth. "You sound like an asshole, and not the fun kind."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you," Robot Dave shoots back, scathing. He uncrosses his arms so he can gesture at Karkat. "You're the loudest fucking asshole there ever was. At least I can chill—you wouldn't know chill if it locked you in a refrigerator." 

Although Karkat is glad to hear more signs that Robot Dave is not a completely emotionless shell like Robot Aradia had been, it's hard to hear this anger and frustration directed at him. Also, the thing about the refrigerator is a low fucking blow. "Pretending you don't have feelings isn't the same as being chill, Dave," he grits out, trying extremely hard not to prove the robot right and completely lose his fucking shit. "You're not half as good an actor as you think you are. I don't know what the fuck happened here or why you're acting like this, but—"

Robot Dave's hands clench into fists at his sides. "You don't know why?"

Karkat doesn't back up even as his instincts scream at him to. Whatever has happened to make Dave like this, he knows that Dave would never physically hurt him. Honestly, he kind of wishes he would: it might be less painful than this. "How am I supposed to know? Last _I_ knew, you were still human and safely on the—"

"You want to know what you did?" Before he can react, Robot Dave has grabbed his upper arms in a crushing grip, dragging him closer to Robot Dave's face. "YOU LEFT ME! YOU LEFT ME BEHIND! DID YOU EVER FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME?" By this point, Robot Dave is shaking Karkat with a surprising amount of violence. "OR DID YOU HONESTLY THINK I'D BE HAPPIER WITH JADE? BECAUSE I WASN'T! AT ALL! I FUCKING LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME ALONE!" 

"Wh-what are-are you talk-ing about?" Karkat knows his eyes are wide and frightened, but he doesn't care about facades right now. This is... This doesn't make any sense at all. And it'd probably be easier to think if his pan wasn't getting banged around the inside of his nugbone. "STOP SHAKING ME, DAMN IT!"

Robot Dave obliges so quickly Karkat almost stumbles as he's released. He steps back, narrowly avoiding Dave's corpse, dizzy. "Fuck me, Dave! What the fuck!" He rubs his arms, surprised they don’t hurt after the rough treatment he’s just received.

"I didn't mean any of that for serious," Robot Dave claims, his voice soft and even again. The tenseness of his shoulders as he recrosses his arms gives him away. "That was ironic anger. I'm not mad about any of that. Jade and me were perfectly happy. You'd know that if you'd come to the wedding."

"Wedding?" Karkat is completely lost now. He's been lost this whole time, but at least then he had some idea of what the major landmarks were. Now, he has no idea at all. His eyes are drawn down to the corpse, down to something shiny on his finger. He's seen enough human movies and attended enough weddings to understand what he's seeing. At least, he understands it's a wedding ring—he doesn't understand anything else. 

Until he does. "You're not my Dave." He feels pretty stupid for not realizing this sooner. "This is an alternate timeline, isn't it?" 

Robot Dave is silent for several long seconds. "Fuck yeah. Your timeline's all kinds of messed up. Don't know why I didn't notice before. Guess I was kind of distracted." This last is said with a sadness so subtle Karkat wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been listening for it. 

"I noticed," Karkat returns, his temper mollified by the knowledge that this asshole who's been lashing out at him for shit that isn't his fault isn't the same asshole he loves. Except, that isn't quite true, is it? According to Dave, all Daves are Daves. So, Karkat can't help but love this one a little, too. 

And, he supposes, if all Daves are Daves, all Karkats are Karkats. Which means he has some responsibility for whatever happened to this robotic mess of a man as well. He walks past Robot Dave, away from the corpse, and sits. He pats the floor beside him. "Sit down. Please."

For a moment, it looks like Robot Dave is going to ignore him. Then a soft sigh as he plunks himself down. "I don't have time for this," he says. 

"That's a fucking lie, and we both know it." Karkat does his best to prepare himself—he knows better than anyone just how stupid his other selves can be. "Tell me what happened with your Karkat."

"Nothing."

Karkat waits for more. "Nothing?"

Robot Dave—Dave crosses his arms and turns his head away. "Exactly. Nothing happened. He fucked off when the fucking was good, and I get it: Jane was getting real fucking fascist all of a sudden, and the kismesissitude with Jade wasn't on at all, but he didn't..." he trails off. 

Some of this sounds familiar. Things had been... uncomfortable with Jade before she got possessed (uncomfortable in a similar, yet different, way afterwards), and he'd run against Jane for a reason. As much as all that ended up mattering in the end. Still, there had to be more to it than that, right? "He didn't what?"

"He didn't let me come with," Dave says quickly, nearly interrupting Karkat a third time. "We were supposed to be in this shit together, and he fucking bailed on me." He takes a deep breath he definitely doesn't need. "Then it was just me and Jade, and I... I owed it to her, Karkat." A tiny sound that could be a laugh. "At least someone needed me."

Karkat wants to tell Dave he's being ridiculous, that of course he hadn't _owed_ Jade anything except his friendship—never mind a fucking wedding—but he knows better. He honestly does. Jade is his friend, too, and there was a reason he never gave her a solid, unambiguous no to her advances... it's always been easier for Karkat to stand up for others than it ever has for him to stand up for himself. He'd never wanted to get physical with Jade (minus a brief infatuation when she'd let him have it over Trollian during the game), but he'd liked her enough to hate the idea of just turning her away cold.

And he knows that Dave is very much the same. Except he's got baggage, baggage Karkat has tried very hard to understand but still doesn't quite grasp, that would make the prospect even harder. Especially if... especially if Karkat left him to his own stupidly self-destructive devices.

As evidenced by the fact that this version of his best fucking friend in the universe is currently a god damn robot. 

"Your me is a moron," he declares. 

Dave is already shaking his head, the light catching on his burnished metal skin. "No way, man. Karkat's a fucking mastermind—the whole rebellion would have been totally quashed ages ago if not for him. Fuck, he started it!" As he speaks about his own Karkat, a literal light glows in his eyes, shining through the lenses of his glasses. 

"He's practically a legend now," he continues, apparently heedless of the fondness in his voice. "He always talked a big game about how good a leader he'd be if he'd been given half a chance, and now he's out living the dream." When he speaks again, his tone is softer, bitter, and the light dims. "It's one of the things I low key, high key hate him for, you know? Somehow, he has it all together without me, but I'm a sad sack without him. A sad sack tying his star to the yifftrain because I don't know how to say 'on second thought no thank you' to one of my oldest friends." He straightens up slightly. "I mean, that's how it used to be. I could give less than a shit now that I've gone Ultimate." 

The back tracking is so awkward and forced, Karkat wonders if Dave actually expects him to believe it. "Right." While Karkat's curious about this rebellion Dave's talking about, he finds it difficult to believe that this Dave's version of him is doing as well as Dave says. Of course, as much as Karkat loves Dave, one thing which cannot be said for him is that he's terribly observant when it comes to the feelings of the people around him. 

Also, nothing Dave's said so far has convinced him that he was wrong about his original assessment of this version of himself. Any version of himself idiotic enough to still believe in his leadership prowess after the absolute clusterfuck that was the Game is a complete moron regardless of other factors. "And you never talked to him about this?"

"What was there to talk about?" Dave says stiffly. "He had his life, and I had mine. I mean, I didn't see him much after he left. Even after Jade and I joined the rebellion, we didn't see each other much. Certainly no one on one time in a room together." There's no mistaking the faint echo of regret in the words. "No point in even thinking about it. Which I was doing a great job of doing before I saw you here, making cry baby eyes at my corpse. Just so you know."

"And yet you're still here," Karkat presses.

"I guess I am," Dave agrees. "Fuck, I missed just getting to chill with you. I feel like, maybe, everything wouldn't have gone to absolute dog shit if you'd been around. I mean, you're not m—the Karkat from around here, but all Karkats are basically Karkat, so..." his words grind to a halt, leaving an embarrassed pause.

Despite himself, despite knowing this Dave is talking about a different Karkat, Karkat feels his face heat up. His own Dave has a tendency to put him up on an elevated statue support base; it shouldn't be surprising this Dave does, too. "I think you are wildly over-estimating both of our abilities."

"You think so?" Dave sounds unconvinced. It's amazing how much more, for lack of a better word, lively he's gotten just during the span of this conversation. A far cry from the douche bag Karkat started out talking to. 

"I know so," Karkat returns more sharply than he means. "If your Karkat were here, he'd agree with me. We're nobody special without someone who believes in us, Dave." He crosses his arms, suddenly uncomfortable with the expressionless scrutiny. "Fuck, maybe he _is_ a great leader now, I don't fucking know. But if he is, it's only because he has people who believe in him." He looks away. "Dave is the person who believes in me."

"Is that what I did wrong?" Dave asks after a moment. "I didn't _believe_ in him enough?" He sounds incredulous. "I didn't realize this was Peter Fucking Pan, troll edition."

"Pupa Pan."

"What?"

"Peter Pan, troll edition," Karkat explains as he tries to organize his thoughts, "is called Pupa Pan."

"Of course it is." When Karkat turns to look, Dave is shaking his head. "You trolls have got troll versions of nearly fucking everything, don't you?" Not waiting for an answer, he continues, plaintively, "I used to ask myself all the time what I could have done differently, what I should have done. What should I have done that would have made him decide to stay with me. And I came up empty every fucking time." 

Karkat wishes this was his Dave, a Dave he could comfort with a touch. Instead, he has to find the right words. He's been told he's fucking good with those. Mostly by Dave. "I don't have an answer for you, either. I don't know why he left like he did. Things must have felt pretty fucking bad for him to think that's what he had to do."

Dave made a hand gesture Karkat chose to interpret as "go on"

"I don't know what you could have done differently—I wasn't there. What I do know is this: however successful he is, he's miserable without you."

Dave tilts his head. "Really?" he asks, his tone full of disbelief and something like hope. 

"Yes, really." Karkat sits up. "Just talk to him, Dave. He'll tell you." He reconsiders. "You'll have to drag it out of him by this point if he's gone this long without saying anything himself, but the point is he misses you. I know he does."

Silence stretches between them. 

"It's too late." There's a cold finality to the words that sends an unpleasant shiver down Karkat's support column. 

"Is he dead, too?" It hadn't occurred to him to consider this possibility, but considering he's currently sitting not too far away from Dave's corpse—

"Nah, he's alive. At least, last I knew, he was."

It's all Karkat can do not to face palm. "Then it's not too fucking late then, is it?"

"Yeah, it really is. I've already cut my ties to this place, to this whole planet, to this whole fucking universe. Divorced Jade common law style and let Karkat go like Elsa. Stick a fork in it and throw it away because it's so done, it's god damn charcoal." He stands in one smooth, mechanically precise motion. "Thanks for the sit and chit, but I'm gonna go see if Aradia's found her stupid boyfriend yet."

Shit. "Wait!" Karkat grabs for and catches Dave's hand. It's cool and there's no give beneath his fingers. "Don't leave like this."

"Like what?" Dave's voice is back to its original blandness, and Karkat feels his heart break a little. "Sometimes, Karkat, you just have to fly away into the sun like a feathery asshole." 

"He loves you, fuckface!" 

This stops Dave short. "What?"

"He loves you," Karkat repeats. "If he's anything like me, and he is because he literally _is_ me, he's never stopped loving you." He tugs on Dave's hand, doing his best to ignore how wrong it feels in his grip. "Obviously, bad shit went down, and believe me, if I ever see your fucking Karkat, I'm going to punch him right in his stupid face for leaving you in a fucking lurch and letting you do this to yourself, but he loves you." 

"You see, that's where you're wrong," Dave says, his hand suddenly gripping Karkat's own (and Karkat has a vague idea this should hurt, but he's too focused on what Dave's saying to pay it any mind). "You're smart, Karkat, so I won't waste your time and mine bitching about how, if he really loved me, he wouldn't have fucking bailed on me like he did." His shoulders slump, and the hold on Karkat's hand loosens. "He doesn't need me anymore, if he ever fucking needed me. He's got Meenah to take care of all the 'believing in him' shiz."

"Meenah? You mean Feferi's dancester?" Karkat shakes his head. "Never mind, I don't want to know what convoluted bullshit happened to make that possible." It's time to focus on the matter at hand! "You were with Jade, right?"

Dave lets go of Karkat's hand so he can cross his arms. "Yeah. What about it?"

Why are Daves so stupid? To be fair, Karkats are pretty stupid, too, but at least Karkat's aware of it, which is more than he can say for any iteration of Dave. "Think, idiot. Were you in love with Jade?"

"No." There's no hesitation. "I loved her but I wasn't _in_ love with her."

"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, your Karkat was in a similar situation? Or maybe he thought you actually _did_ love Jade and didn't want to make you choose? Did that ever occur to you?"

Dave's silence speaks volumes. 

"That's what I thought." Karkat blows out a harsh breath. "Does he know you're a robot now?"

"Nah." Dave's head is tilted ground-ward. "I didn't stick around after going Ultimate. Kind of just... left without leaving a calling card or anything. Maybe a dick move now that I'm thinking about it."

" _Maybe_?" It's Karkat's turn to be incredulous. "Fuck, Dave, how could you do that? Even if you don't give a shit about your Karkat or your Jade, I refuse to believe you'd do that to your Rose."

A rough shrug. "I did though. Rose is better off without me." Another tiny laugh. "Maybe this is what Dirk felt before he did what he did."

Dirk? "And what did _he_ do in this timeline?"

"He killed himself," Dave says flatly. 

Karkat feels a surge of pity. He wonders if Dave would be happy to know that Dirk's lived long enough to become a wife-napper in his timeline. Probably not, but it's hard to know: he sometimes thinks his Dave would be happier if Dirk had died instead—at least then he could properly mourn. He doesn't say any of this, naturally. He's not a complete idiot. "I'm sorry," he lies.

"Hung himself in my hour of fucking need," Dave continues as though Karkat hadn't spoken. He runs a hand over his metal hair. "Story of my life in this universe: everyone leaves me when I need them. I'm not a good enough reason for anyone to stick around."

It's not difficult to read between the lines and figure out who else comprises 'everyone' and 'anyone'. Again, Karkat wonders what the fuck this version of him had been thinking. "And you figure it's your turn to not stick around when they need you? Is that it? Revenge?"

"No," Dave says, clearly caught off guard by the questions. "Fuck no. Besides, wouldn't work anyway because no one needs me: not Rose, not Karkat, and not John. Maybe Jade _thinks_ she needs me, but she doesn't need me either."

There's a lot to unpack here, and Karkat doesn't know how much longer Dave is going to listen to him. He doesn't know why he's so bothered by the idea of this idiot leaving without first touching base with the other idiots, but he is. His being here feels... serendipitous. 

A stray thought of why _is_ he here floats through his consciousness before being discarded: he's focused on what's happening in front of him. "What if you're wrong, Dave? What if they do need you, like you needed Dirk? Are you really going to abandon them like yesterday's grubloaf?"

"Did it to me first," Dave mutters, petulant. Then he sighs and leans against the wall. "Okay, so I know things aren't going great with everyone... except Rose and Kanaya, I guess. They've always had their shit together. Way better than I ever have. I also absolutely know that Karkat doesn't need me. I might have been in the rebellion, too—better late than fucking never, I guess—but it's not like Karkat actually lets me _do_ anything important. Probably afraid I'd fuck it up, and I can't blame him for that. I fuck up everything I touch—I used to, I mean. I'm Ultimate Dave now, and I'm awesome." The bravado is too little too late, and Dave seems to realize it, too. He kicks awkwardly at the stone floor. 

Before Karkat can comment, Dave keeps going, his voice becoming tight with frustration. "But to get back to sad sack me, what was _I_ supposed to do about John and Roxy's failed marriage? What was I supposed to do about the clusterfuck which is Jane's fucking family situation? It's not my fault she shacked up with Jake _and_ Gamzee and inflicts that clown on her kid." His voice carries a note of hysteria now. "Should I have helped John kidnap Tavros that one time? And then there's Jade... You don't think I've given her enough of me by this point, or was I supposed to just stay by her side forever out of a sense of obligation? I mean, fuck, Karkat. That's way too much to lay on me!"

"Don't be an idiot," Karkat says even as his mind reels. So many things are different. They would be, of course, this is an alternate timeline, but it's almost overwhelming to hear them listed out like this all at once. While he wants to ask about Tavros and Gamzee, he doesn't want to break the momentum of the conversation with little, probably unimportant, details. "I'm not here to tell you what you should have done. I don't know what you should have done: believe it or not, Dave, I'm not a fucking seer!" He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. It's hard not to shout, but he's learned over the years that, sometimes, people listen to you more when you're _not_ shouting. "It's not about what you should have done; it's about what you should do."

"And what do you think I should do?" Dave asks, as though Karkat hasn't already made it blisteringly obvious what he thinks Dave ought to do. 

Then again, Daves are pretty dumb, and this one is extremely so. "Talk to them, Dave. Tell them how you feel."

"Sounds gay." 

For an instant, Karkat is back on the meteor. "You're gay, you asshole."

"Oh, yeah." Dave shifts from one foot to the other. "They're not going to be super stoked to see me like this."

"You think?" Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose. "Of course they're not going to be fucking 'stoked' to see you've done this to yourself, but they love you, Dave. They might be angry with you for leaving like you did, but they'll forgive you. And maybe... maybe you'll be able to forgive them, too. But nothing is going to change unless you actually talk to them."

Dave hmms to himself before shaking his head. "You don't get it, Karkat. Literally? None of that shit even matters. I'm not sad sack me anymore; I'm not tied to this universe. I'm Ult. Dave, and I don't need anyone." He steps away from the wall so he can gesture with over the top grandness, clearly making certain his cape moves with him. "I'm finally free. For the first time in my life, I'm actually who and what I always wanted to be: a chill motherfucker with nothing more important to worry about than whether or not I'm cool. And I don't even have to worry about that, because I'm cool as shit." 

He lowers his arms. When he speaks again, his voice is quieter, almost pleading. "For the first time in my life, I actually fucking like myself." 'So don't take that away from me' goes unsaid, but Karkat hears it anyway.

This is just... this is just so sad. This Dave might be saying he likes himself, but nothing is more obvious to Karkat than that he doesn't. Karkat still doesn't really understand what being 'Ultimate' means (and now doesn't feel like the right time to ask), but he understands Dave. Since all Daves are Daves, that means he understands this one, too. And what he understands is this Dave is absolutely fucking miserable and trying to hide it underneath a cool layer of ironic assholery. 

Newsflash, Ultimate Dave, Karkat has gotten really good at seeing through that shit! 

"Cut the crap, Dave," Karkat says sharply. "I didn't pupate yesterday. Do you honestly expect me to believe that being _that_ ," he gestures to Dave's shiny robot body, "and pretending you don't give a shit about anyone or anything actually makes you happy?" Not waiting for the lie Dave's no doubt going to supply him with, he adds, "Didn't you learn _anything_ on the meteor, Dave? You are _not_ and have _never_ been cool."

Karkat starts approaching Dave, who backs away from him. It hurts to see him like this, but it confirms what Karkat already knew. "You were a scared kid like the rest of us, and now you're a scared adult, running away from your problems because you don't know how to fix them. And guess what, Dave: your idiot friends are scared adults, too."

Dave is against the wall again, shaking his head. "No. No, you don't get it at all."

It's a risk, but despite what happened with Dave crushing his hand earlier (which really should have hurt, shouldn't it?), Karkat still refuses to feel intimidated by any Dave. He knows him too well. He reaches out his hand and places it onto a cool, metal shoulder. It's practically vibrating. "I believe in you, Dave. I believe in you, and I know you can do this."

For the longest time, Dave says nothing. The cool shoulder under Karkat's hand gradually stills and warms. Then Dave explodes. Not literally, like the Aradia bot, but in a more figurative way. It feels like an important distinction. He pushes away from the wall, pushing Karkat away, too, leaving Karkat to stumble backwards. 

"Oh, fuck off!" There's no expression on Dave's rigid face, which makes the vitriol coming out of his mouth that much more disturbing. "Maybe you're the fucking fairy from Peter Pupa or whatever, but I'm not." He steps closer to Karkat. "I _am_ cool, and I _don't_ need anyone else, and more fucking importantly, no one needs _me_!"

Karkat licks his lips. A part of him wants to throw Dave's anger back in his face. A part of him wants to shoosh the man child until he calms. Either one seems like a bad idea. "Sounds lonely," he says instead, keeping his voice soft. 

Dave jerks back like he's been struck. "It's not," he denies just a hair too quickly. He goes into the familiar nonchalant slouch that Dave goes into when he's feeling cornered. "I told you, Karkat, I'm a whole bunch of Daves—I've got all the friends I could ever want." As if sensing this isn't terribly convincing, he says, "Besides, I'm chillin' with Aradia and not quite dead possessed Jade these days. They're a barrel of fucking laughs."

Of course both timelines have a possessed Jade! Is she possessed by some alternate version of Callie, too? And now Karkat's a little confused, because didn't Dave say he left Jade behind? Is this another Jade from yet another timeline? And why the fuck are Jades so god damn unlucky—she seems to have a fucking talent for being possessed! He shakes his head; he's never been good at timeline bullshit, and he's getting off track. 

As for Aradia... It's been a long time since he's thought of her. She'd never been one of his closest friends, for certain, and he remembers that she got disturbing chipper about death after she blew up and came back God Tier. Honestly, he can't imagine traveling around with her like Sollux chose to, or like Dave apparently does.

"So, you don't miss anyone here?" He already knows the answer to this question and wonders if Dave will lie. He decides not to give him the opportunity. "You already admitted you miss _your_ Karkat, so I'm sure there must be other people you miss."

Dave crosses his arms. "I miss aj, too, but I'm not gonna act all broken up about it when I've got this hot new bod, these baller new threads, and, oh yeah, fucking Ultimate Dave powers. I guess the real question is what are you trying to prove with all this mushy shit. What the fuck difference does it make to _you_ whether I miss anyone or not—you don't even belong here." 

It has been ages since Karkat's had to deal with a Dave this infuriatingly dense. "You're right: I don't belong here. You know who _does_ belong here, you deliberately obtuse prick? You! You fucking belong here. And I'm gratified to know you at least miss some of the people here as much as you miss fucking apple juice." 

"What the fuck ever," Dave says tightly. "I didn't ask for a lecture. I didn't ask for your opinion. In fact, I asked for exactly none of this bullshit, and I'm done. I'm outie." He doesn't move. "I still don't understand why you care so much."

Karkat slowly counts to ten. Then he does it again for good measure. "Dave, I care because, for some ineffable reason, I love you and I want you to be happy."

"What?" Dave sounds startled. "You don't even fucking know me, dude."

"Didn't you tell me you're the most Dave Dave? And aren't all Dave's Dave?" Karkat rolls his eyes. "I love _my_ Dave, and that means I love you, too, moron."

"Oh." Dave looks away. "I guess that makes sense." Then he straightens up and turns his head sharply back in Karkat's direction. "So, what you said before, about, about _other_ Karkat...?"

"What? That he loves you?" Karkat doesn't roll his eyes again, but it's a close thing. "Yes, he loves you. I don't understand why he thought it was a good idea to leave your ass, but any Karkat who's had the misfortune of meeting you gets caught in your fucking thrall. You're so fucking pitiful. And infuriating. And attractive."

"Careful, Karkat, you might give a guy the wrong idea." It sounds so much like Dave's normal banter that it hurts. "I don't know," he says, his voice pensive. "You make it sound like it's gonna be so easy to just step back into everyone's life like nothing happened."

"Of course it isn't going to be easy," Karkat snaps. "But you need to do it: if not for the sake of the people here, for your own." He risks putting a hand on Dave's arm. "Let them love you, Dave."

Dave shakes his head. "Don't bother with the mojo again, man. That shit doesn't work on me: I'm immune thanks to being a bad-ass Ultimate robo Dave and all." Before Karkat can question what the fuck he means by that, Dave puts a cold hand over his own. "But you know what? Fuck it. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Dave sighs. It only sounds a little dramatic. "I'll fucking talk to them. Let them _love me_ or whatever. I guess if it goes bad, I can just fuck off again like I was planning to. I'll have to let Aradia know though; it's only fair."

Karkat feels relief wash over him. He'd been starting to think he'd never get through to this idiot. He pulls his hand away and backs up. "Good." He feels light. "I'm glad you've decided to stop being a stubborn asshole about this."

"Being a stubborn asshole is one of the things I do best," Dave says, a smile in his voice if not on his face. "What about you though?" His question is startling for its unexpectedness. "How are you going to..."

The scene seems further away. 

"Ah," Dave says. "I get it. Say hi to Dave for me."

Karkat has no time to voice his confusion before everything is gone. 

* * *

Karkat wakes with a start. The dream is already fading even as his conscious mind tries to gather the remnants together. He remembers... he remembers Dave. But he was a... he was a robot? And dead? He remembers Dave being absolutely infuriating. He remembers he was trying to... trying to get Dave to do something?

He shakes his head and looks at the Dave still sleeping beside him. An urge to wrap Dave up in his arms overcomes him, and he does so as best he can. He's momentarily surprised by the warmth and softness he feels as he presses Dave against his chest. But that's silly: Dave feels like he always does. He's safe and loved and warm and alive. 

Dave blinks blearily up at him. "Bad dream?"

Karkat nods, even though he's not entirely certain if the dream he had was bad or not. "I love you."

"Thanks," Dave says, sounding baffled but fond. "Love you, too." He yawns, already snuggling into Karkat's embrace, already going back to sleep. 

For a long time, Karkat watches Dave breathe. Then he falls back into a doze, content. 

* * *

Ultimate Dave looks at the spot where that strange Karkat was for a long while before shrugging to himself. Weirder things have happened in his various lives than alternate timeline ghosts or whatever the fuck just happened here. He picks up his corpse (it doesn't look like he's decayed at all—must be cold as shit in this place) and starts the journey topside. It's time to go home and, maybe, make amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The impetus for this fic was: "which would be worse, meat dave seeing what happened to candy karkat without him or meat karkat seeing what became of candy dave?" and "MEAT KARKAT SEEING DEAD CANDY DAVE????" So, thank you for your indulgence, readers, and thank you, DarthGryffon and swordguy for the kindling.


	2. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was quite the update we just got! I felt compelled to add a new chapter to this fic (and there may be more forthcoming!), so here it is. I hope you folks enjoy!

The trip back to the Troll Kingdom from the land of the Lady Liberties is a hike. At least, it’d be a hike if Dave couldn’t fly. As it stands, it’s kind of a slog even flying, and his sad sack old meat body isn’t great company. It takes a few hours until he’s where he apparently needs to be. Before he got started, he took a quick detour to let his old travel buddies know his new plans. Aradia really hadn’t given two shits about him sticking around which was… whatever. Dead Possessed Jade hadn’t liked it, but if Dave cared about what any Jade wanted too much anymore, he’d never have left the Jade here to join her and Aradia in the first place.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been ~~dead~~ Ultimate Dave: he’d broken free of this universe’s timeline when he went Ultimate, and he really couldn’t be fucked to take the time to figure that shit out. As he explained to other Karkat, he’s a fuck load of Daves and most of them don’t have any sort of connection to this place. Fuck, most of them don’t have a connection to either of the main universes, but sad sack Dave is closer to the surface, and he’s got all kinds of uncool drippy feelings going.

He notices, as he gets closer, that a lot of the Troll Kingdom seems to be more on fire than usual. Well, fuck. Go off into space for a while and when you return, everything’s on fire. The house he ~~shares~~ shared with Jade is totally totalled. Which means he’s got to keep lugging himself around. This is less than baller, but sad sack meat Dave weighs barely anything for Ultimate Dave’s robo-body. So, he heads to his next destination: Rose and Kanaya’s house.

Same fucking story.

This campaign of meeting up with his friends and family is not working out very well so far. Fine. The Troll Kingdom is a bust. Now, he could go back to the base of the rebellion, but he knows he’s pretty eye catching right now. Maybe not a great idea to head to any secret entrances. ~~He’s not ready to see his Karkat yet~~

The Consort Kingdom is right tight against the Troll Kingdom, so John? Sure, why not. John’s the only other person Dave’s super close with. Like, yeah, he could go see ~~his hot mom~~ Roxy, but their relationship suffered a bunch when she divorced John and refused to accept the reality of Jane’s fascism. He’s sure as fuck not going to see Jane, and he never got all that close with Jake. ~~And Dirk’s hasn’t been around for years.~~

John’s probably going to be the easiest person to, ugh, apologize to. Mainly because Dave barely did dick to John. And none of that dicking involved a dick because John’s not gay. Not like Dave, of course: he’s totally on board with being on the dick sucking side of the force–it doesn’t have to be a federal fucking issue ~~even if there are parts of him that are not as comfy with the idea even with Obama’s Presidential seal of approval.~~ The point is John has way less reasons to be pissed at Dave than anyone. If this touchy feely bullshit is going to work with any of his friends/family, it’ll work on him.

Dave senses the smoke before he sees the embers that remain of John’s house. Holy fucking shit: was the world just waiting for him to become Ultimate and fuck off before fucking itself? He’s about to fly off, maybe try Roxy after all, when he sees two figures huddled next to each other in the dying light.

One is John. For some reason, he’s wearing his God Tier pajamas, and Dave can tell from here that they don’t fit–not unless John is _trying_ to work the muffin top look. Which isn’t any of _his_ business, but it’s not like John to experiment with his appearance. About the least vain motherfucker Dave knows. Especially these last few years. Some of that is probably the depression everyone noticed but wouldn’t comment on.

The other figure is, unexpectedly, Karkat. Huh. Granted, it could have been a long fucking while since he’s been planetside, but Karkat tends to stay in the Troll Kingdom unless he’s pulling shit in the Human Kingdom on Jane. The Consort Kingdom isn’t off limits or anything, it’s just that no one wants those little guys involved in this clusterfuck of a genocidal mess. 

But here he is.

He looks… the same. The same as the last time Dave saw him (but so much older than other Karkat, holy shit, how’d he ever think other Karkat was ~~his~~ Karkat?). Still less an eye, still in the banging outfit that Kanaya designed that really shows off his troll pecs. When Dave gets closer, he sees the strangest fucking expression on his face though. As Ultimate Dave, feelings aren’t super important, and he’s not much better at deciphering them than he was as separate Daves, but Karkat’s always easy to read. He looks… lost.

~~It reminds the sad sack version of him uncomfortably of how his own face looked in the mirror when he was getting ready for Dirk’s funeral.~~

Dave considers saying fuck it to this whole mission he’s on, but he’s already flown all this way to find someone to make amends with, and now he’s stumbled on a two for one sale. Besides, what’s he going to do? Drag ass back to Aradia and Dead Possessed Jade so they can fucking laugh at him for wasting his time? Fuck that.

He makes it so he lands behind them, and he quietly sets his body down in the grass. Sad sack meat Dave is a great conversation starter, but he remembers how his conversation with other Karkat went and decides he doesn’t want to drop the truth bomb that way with John and ~~his~~ Karkat. Instead, he floats, his metal toes barely scraping the grass until he’s right behind them. Then he lands.

“S’up?”

He might not have the Prankster’s Gambit like John, but there’s something satisfying in seeing his oldest friends jump up like they’ve been electrocuted. Their expressions when they whirl around are twin expressions of wide-eyed shock. Well, half-twinned since Karkat’s only got the one eye to work with. So, like three quarters shocked? Something like that: none of the Daves are good at math. 

“Dave?” John says, clearly having trouble dealing with the reality in front of his eyes. “Dave, is that you?”

“You were expecting maybe the Addams family?”

Not even a quirk of a smile for a shitty movie reference.

Damn, he must have pissed John off more than he thought! “In the robo-flesh,” he tries again as though he’d never tried in the first place. “I went Ultimate and fucked off for a bit, but I’m back on a whirlwind apology tour the likes of which Earth C’s never seen.” John’s wide, disbelieving eyes ~~are too much to handle~~ are weirding him out, so he looks past John to the remains of his home. “What the fuck happened to your house? Did you leave the oven on?”

“Jane blew it up.” Then John shakes his head. “Never mind my house! What happened to _you_? I thought you were dead–we all did. Well, except for Karkat, because he didn’t know until I told him.” He throws a glance at Karkat, who seems content to just keep staring with one wide eye, his mouth hanging slightly open to reveal more of his teeth than he usually does. “So, start explaining, Strider,” John commands, putting his hands on his hips and hitting him with Egbertian Fatherly Disapproval. “What happened to you, and why are you… You’re a robot now?”

Ugh. This is the kind of shit Dave is not here for: exposition. “I told you: I’m Ultimate Dave, the most Dave Dave to ever Dave on account of I’m made up of untold numbers of Daves. Too much Dave for one flesh sack to handle, hence the rockin’ robo body.” He pauses for a dramatic beat. “The Dave you know is in here, too. He says, ‘Hi’ and he’s sorry.” 

That’s not really how it works with all the Daves that make him up, but honestly, that metaphysical shit kind of fucks with his head if he thinks about it too long. It’s not important anyway, and he might as well do what he came to do. “I should have, like, been there more for you? And maybe said something about the fact you were hella depressed. Also, I shouldn’t have just fucked off when I went Ultimate–I should have at least stuck around long enough to say goodbye.”

Now John’s mouth is hanging open. “Okay, I don’t understand any of that.” He shakes his head. “Shit, Dave, I mean, thanks for the apology, but I’m like the last person you need to apologize to.” He gestures in what he probably thinks is a subtle way at Karkat, and yeah, Dave knows, all right? He was getting there!

Dave turns his attention to Karkat, about to start reeling off the list of things sad sack Dave did to him to be sorry for, but the look on Karkat’s face stops him cold. Well, less the look, and more the tears. It’s super manly, like a single tear of sadness trailing down his cheek while more well in his eye. Primo manpain shit.

Karkat used to cry all the fucking time, at movies mostly, but other times, too. Since becoming a stone cold bad ass military leader, he’s locked down on that shit. At least, as far as sad sack Dave saw. They weren’t exactly close anymore, didn’t watch movies together or anything like that. Fuck, they barely talked. The point is, it’s been a long time since Dave’s seen Karkat cry, ~~and it hurts way more than he was expecting~~ and it’s super embarrassing to witness. 

If Karkat’s already this ~~upset~~ butt hurt about everything, this is going to have to be a fucking great apology. Which Dave can totally do, because he’s Ultimate Dave, and that means he’s got so many handles on this the only problem is knowing which one to hold on to first. He’s definitely not feeling any kind of robo nervous right now. “Uh,” Dave starts eloquently, “hi, Karkat. Real dope to–”

Then he’s being hugged so tightly, he’d have breathing problems if he was still a fleshy Dave. Okay. This is happening. His own arms remain stiff at his sides ~~even as he wants to return the gesture~~ as he endures this extremely uncool sob fest going down next to his ear. He looks at John ~~helplessly~~ , and John frowns back, moving his arms in a way that indicates Dave should do the same.

Dave makes sure to sigh loudly as he brings his arms up to return Karkat’s hug. Karkat is warm and solid against him, but Dave can feel the troll trembling. Holy shit. ~~He feels a phantom pang in his eyes and wonders if he can even cry in this body.~~ This is so fucking uncomfortable and the opposite of sick nasty. He gently thwacks Karkat on the back a few times like he’s learned to do to comfort people ~~not that it ever worked very well~~ , careful with his robot strength. He doesn’t need another thing to apologize for!

Oh, yeah. Probably should be making with the apologies. Maybe that will fix this. “I’m sorry,” he says, startled by how emotional he sounds: sad sack Dave’s definitely at the wheel now. Ugh. “I’m so fucking sorry, Karkat.” There’s more to say, but he’s going to wait until Karkat’s calmed down. No point in apologizing for specific things until Karkat’s paying attention, right? And he’s definitely not stalling for any particular reason. He’s definitely not enjoying this desperate gesture of affection at all. Definitely not. That would be so fucking uncool of him.

Finally, Karkat steps back, freeing Dave and leaving him ~~bereft~~ with a cape covered in troll snot. Now that the mad sads are out of his system, he looks _pissed_. Totally on brand for Karkat Vantas. He’s got two modes: sappy and rancorous. Sometimes, he’s both at the same time.

As much as Dave would love to get a vintage Vantas rant, it’s time for making with the apologies attempt number two! “Look, I got a lot of shit to apologise to you for, so let me get that going, and then you can scream at me if I missed anything, okay?” Breezing past the time Karkat would need to respond, he begins. “Okay, so first, I’m sorry for how it all went down with Jane. Like, I definitely should have stood up for you more when you were getting all micro/macro aggressed. That shit should not have flown, and I let it fly, so, sorry for that.”

He pauses only long enough to gauge the reaction his words are getting. Still pissed, but now also confused. Baller. “I shouldn’t have let you walk out that night; I should have followed you, talked to you, anything but just let you leave like that.”

“You say that as though you could have stopped me from doing anything,” Karkat says gruffly, crossing his arms over his still impressive troll pecs. “This is all old fucking news, Dave. Do you honestly think I still give two shits about things that happened literally human decades ago? I’m completely over it.”

Dave does not wince ~~, he’s not sure he can~~. He knows that Karkat is lying: if he’d been as cool with all that old shit as he’s pretending to be right now, ~~they would have still been friends~~ Karkat wouldn’t have been such a pissy bitch when Dave joined the rebellion with Jade. “I’m the time guy, Karkat: we’re doing this bitch in chronological order, so be patient, and I’ll get to the more recent shit I’ve done.”

Karkat rolls his one eye but stays silent. 

Now, it’s time for the hard shit. Like the real eating three family sized cheese pizzas in a row constipation. This is going to be so fucking uncool, but he basically promised other Karkat he’d ~~tell his friends and family how he felt, forgive them, let them love him~~ apologize to everyone for everything, and he’s going to do it. “So, I, um… You remember when you and I were both dating Jade?”

“No,” Karkat deadpans. “I’ve recently suffered a stupidity induced thinkpan hemorrhage which erased all memories of only that particular part of my life.” He sighs. “Yes, I remember. I don’t know what the point of dredging all this old shit up is, but if that’s what you feel you need to do to properly ‘apologize’ to me, then fine, let’s do this. What about it?”

Fuck. Feelings fucking suck, and Dave is so much cooler when he doesn’t have ~~to have them~~ to think about them. Whatever, he can totally get through this without sounding like a pussy. “Okay. So, I was dating Jade, and you were dating Jade, right? And she’d always try to have both of us, you know, involved?”

Karkat narrows his eye. “You mean her idiotic idea that the three of us should have been romantically intimate at the same time?” He shakes his head. “What? Are you going to say we should have done that? Because if you are, fuck no. I never wanted to do that. You know how you can know? Because we never did it.”

Dave has to laugh. “No, dawg, I know you weren’t down for a threesome. You were barely down for the twosome you had with Jade.” Okay. He can do this. He can totally do this because he is Ultimate Dave and none of this shit actually matters ~~except that it still totally does~~

“Then what’s your point?” Karkat demands roughly. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re currently standing in the middle of a war zone here, so if all you want to do is–”

“I wanted to be dating you instead of Jade,” Dave interrupts, needing to say this ~~before he loses the nerve to~~ before Karkat can start ranting again.

Karkat falls immediately silent.

 ~~And Dave can’t stop himself from filling the silence left behind.~~ And Dave doesn’t let that uncharacteristic silence go to waste. “I… I wanted… I wanted you, but I didn’t know how to tell you or Jade, and then Dirk died, I couldn’t ask him for help. And then you left, and I couldn’t tell you anything.”

Karkat’s mouth works for a moment before something comes out of it: a quiet, choked “What?”

Dave is not shaky at all. He lost control for a minute there, but that was sad sack Dave’s fault. That’s what he gets for talking so long about his bullshit. When he speaks again, his voice is cool and even. “I was in love with you, and I never told you, and I’m sorry for that.”

He’s not expecting the punch to the face. He’s also sure Karkat wasn’t expecting it to hurt as much as it apparently does. At least, he’s holding onto his hand and cursing up a curse storm to end all curse storms.

“Jesus, Karkat!” John exclaims. Oh, yeah. John’s still here. “Is punching someone when they say they love you a troll thing?”

“No, you xenophobic cretin,” Karkat says through grit teeth, still cradling his now injured hand, “it’s a 'this fucking asshole has a lot of goddamn nerve to say shit like that to me after all this time' thing.” He straightens up to glare in Dave’s face. “What the actual shit, Dave? Why tell me that now? What do you expect me to do with that information?” There are tears welling in his eye again, and Dave ~~wants to reach out and comfort him~~ wonders if Karkat broke his fingers or something. 

“Nothing I guess.” Dave shrugs with nonchalance ~~he doesn’t feel~~. “Just needed to be addressed. No need for stress when getting down to the redress of–”

“Shut up,” Karkat butts in wearily. “Fuck. Dave, I… I can’t do this.” He looks at John. “I’m going now. You can deal with this idiot.” He starts stomping away in typical Karkat fashion but stops short and turns back, a small smile curving his mouth. “I’m glad you’re not dead.” He sounds like he really means it.

“Yeah, about that,” Dave starts, but Karkat’s already off again. “Shit.”

“Yeah, Dave, shit,” John agrees. “Can you explain what happened now? Because I still don’t understand why you’re a robot?”

Dave watches Karkat disappear into the distance ~~and wants to chase after him~~. Is he making the same mistake sad sack him made all those years ago? Or is it better to get Karkat some time to calm down so he doesn’t hurt himself trying to knock Dave’s lights out again? He doesn’t fucking know.

“Dave?”

Right. “Okay, but it’s kind of a long story, and Karkat did say we were in a war zone here. So, can we rain check it until we’re somewhere less on fire?” He’s not just putting this off. This is totally for John’s benefit: a war zone is a bad place for a non-Ultimate God with conditional immortality. Especially this doofus.

John gives him a skeptical look but nods. “Yeah, of course.” He brushes off his ill-fitting God Tier pajamas. “Let’s get back to the base before I fuck anything else up.”

“Dope, I just got to get sad sack me.”

“What?”

Dave considers how best to get John up to speed with the current facts of the matter. “Okay, so, try to be cool about this, all right?" At John's slow nod, he flashes a thumbs up. “Great. So, before when you said everyone thought I was dead? That wasn’t entirely not true.”

It takes John a hot minute to parse this. “You mean… you mean you really died?”

“Yep,” Dave says, making an effort to obnoxiously pop the p. “And I brought myself along. I was going to leave him at Jade’s place, but her place isn’t a place anymore.” He goes back to pick up his body. “What the fuck did you guys do to piss Jane off so much?”

John definitely looks green around the gills–not literally, ‘cause he’s not a sea troll or anything–, but he looks away from the corpse over Dave’s shoulder to direct his words to Dave’s face. “That’s also a long story. A long, stupid story I’ll tell you all about after you tell me what happened to you. Deal?”

Dave nods and holds out his hand. “Deal.” 


	3. Karkat

Karkat stalks away from John and Dave, his still aching hand the only tangible proof that the conversation he's just had actually happened and wasn't just a grief fueled hallucination. His pan is sloshing with so many emotions, he can barely think. And, of course, he’s sparing what little pan power he has left to think about Dave, and nothing good has _ever_ come out of thinking about Dave.

Okay, fine, so he isn't as over the infuriating human as he says he is. How can he be when everyone around him absolutely insists on gouging Karkat's old wounds and digging into his biscuit about it at every goddamn opportunity? What about Dave? How do you feel about Dave? Whatever happened with you and fucking Dave? 

It's over; it's done; Dave chose Jade, and that's all there is to say on the matter.

Except that apparently _isn't_ all there is to say on the matter...

Fuck, this is _not_ what he needs to be concerned with right now! There’s a fucking war on, and instead of thinking of what he’s going to do to free the Vriskas or how he can douse the quite literal fires that are still burning, he’s thinking about Dave and his absurdly late and incredibly ill-timed confession. 

“For fuck's sake, Dave!” Karkat lets loose the words now he couldn’t say to that smug, silver face. “You wait until you're a goddamn robot to say you…” he trails off, finishing the thought in his head because it’s still too painful to say out loud, _to say you_ loved _me._

Loved. Past tense. Because Dave _did_ love him, and he doesn’t anymore.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. Because Karkat doesn’t love Dave anymore—maybe he never loved Dave. Maybe he only loved the idea of Dave. Maybe he only loved the idea of being loved.

Karkat pauses for a moment to wipe his eye. He’s never been a good liar, and he’s never been good at lying to himself. It’s stupid, and it’s platonically pathetic, but he can admit to himself that, yes, he still loves Dave. He’s sure as fuck not going to admit that to anyone else though. He’s definitely not going to tell Dave. Not now, not under _these_ circumstances.

These circumstances being 1) there’s a war on, 2) there’s a war on, and 3) there’s a fucking war on! His moronic personal drama with Dave can wait until the fires are out, and Jane Crocker’s head is on a fucking pike. The pike is Meenah’s idea for the proper end of this conflict, but Karkat can’t say he wouldn’t also feel some twisted joy in his biscuit to see it after all the genocidal shit that bitch has done. 

For being one of the few Alternian born trolls left, his thirst for bloodshed has never been great, but he’s warming up to exceptions to that rule. If Jane continues to refuse to come to the table, continues to force his hand, he’s not going to feel bad finding out whether or not her death is JUST. 

Such thoughts don’t distract him long. 

It says something about the course of his life and what he's been through that having a friend die and come back as a robot isn't even a contender for the most disturbing thing that has happened. Fuck, it’s not even a novel situation! 

A lot of sweeps have passed since SGRUB and afterwards, but Karkat still remembers Aradiabot. Though it’s been too long for him to recall any specific interactions he’d had with her, he remembers how unnerving she’d been. Of course, unlike Dave, Aradia had always been kind of unnerving, even before she died: being a robot just made her unnerving in a different way.

Karkat wonders if Dave doesn't love him anymore because he's a robot now, but he knows it's grasping at dried hoofbeast feed. Aradiabot had been capable of both romantic and platonic hate, so she _probably_ had been capable of pity as well. She’d had a nice hug with Sollux before she exploded, anyway. 

So, Dave decided he wasn’t worth loving long before he became a robot. 

Which is something Karkat already knew: Dave married Jade, afterall. He’d been there, seen it with his own eye. He wouldn’t have gone at all except to extinguish his hope once and for all for anything different. Whatever he had with Dave was over with, had been over with for _sweeps_ , and seeing Dave and Jade exchange vows in their human wedding had been just the final nail in the corpse box. 

And he’d accepted that, locked those feelings away to focus on more important shit. When Dave and Jade came back into his life, he dealt with that, too. He treated them like any of his other subordinates—okay, so no, he didn’t, but that was just so he didn’t lose the two actual Gods who deigned to join his cause by placing them in a situation where they could die heroically…

...No. No, he’s not going to think about that now. It doesn’t matter anyway: Dave’s not dead.

By the time he reaches the base/safe house that’s been set up, he’s run himself through the emotional clothes squishing device so thoroughly, he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to feel feelings again. That’s what he thinks until he sees Jade and remembers the other thing that he learned tonight. 

Jade is in the kitchen area with Yiffany eating some rations. The child affects annoyance with her mother’s hovering, but the fact that she sticks close to the older Harley tells Karkat all he needs to know about how she feels. She’s been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours, and Karkat almost lets the matter lie for now.

But he can’t. This is too big to wait on. “Harley,” he says in a voice that broaches no argument, “I need to speak with you for a moment. Alone.”

She looks at Yiffany, who gives her the smallest of small nods. The sort of nod that says, “I’m going to be just fine, mother, God!” It’s the kind of nod the smaller Vriska gives her mothers, though hers are accompanied by the words. “Of course, Vantas.”

Karkat waits until the door of his makeshift meeting room is shut behind Jade. He waits until she asks what this is about. He waits until she says his name with some concern. Not because he was waiting for a particular moment, he was waiting for the right words to come to him. They don't, surprise, surprise.

"How long has Dave been dead, Harley?"

Jade's expression slacks in shock before understanding blooms. "John told you."

At least she didn’t deny it! "Yes, he did, because he was operating under the _bizarre_ misapprehension that I already knew." Karkat feels his temper rising, and he makes an effort not to shout. "Which makes no sense at all. I mean, I'm only his goddamn commander, so why should I have been informed that one of the literal immortal gods on my team managed to get himself killed?" He's not doing especially well on the not shouting front; Jade's ears are flat against her skull. "So, tell me, Harley, how long have you been pretending he was alive? Because I am less than impressed."

Jade is quiet for several long seconds. "About a month."

That is… that is a lot fucking longer than Karkat was expecting. "And you didn't think that might have been something I had a right to know about?"

Jade bites her lip with a over-sized canine. "It wasn't just my idea, Karkat," she says quietly. "Rose said we shouldn't tell you yet."

Karkat blinks. "Oh! Well, excuse me," he exclaims, uncrossing his arms so he can gesture with them emphatically, "I didn't realize _Rose_ was in charge around here—I could have sworn _I_ was the one in charge. How stupid of me." He offers Jade one of his more disgusted scowls. "Can you tell me why _she_ decided to have you lie to me? While you’re at it, is there anything _else_ you all have decided I don’t need to know? _Am_ I even still in charge or are you all just humoring me at this point? Clearly, you don’t respect my—"

“It’s not like that,” Jade snaps, her eyes starting to grow shiny. “It wasn’t like that."

At heart, Karkat is a sentimental troll—an understatement, if anything—, and he can’t abide tears in the eyes of one of his oldest friends. He also realizes in that moment that she’s still in mourning, that she doesn’t know that Dave’s _not_ actually dead. Yes, he’s got reasons to be angry, and they are excellent fucking reasons, but he’s not a screaming wiggler anymore. At least, he tries not to be.

He breathes out a long sigh and makes an effort to calm himself. He is not entirely successful. However, he thinks he can do this without shouting at her again. “Okay, Harley—Jade, I’m listening. Tell me why Rose wanted you to lie to me about Dave, and I’ll explain to you in detail why that was a dumbfuck idea before I go tell Rose the same thing.”

Jade wipes her eyes on her sleeve. "You… Rose said we shouldn't tell you, and Kanaya agreed, because… it would be a distraction during a critical time." This last is said mimicking Rose’s sometimes stilted tones. 

A part of Karkat cannot believe Rose’s presumption. This part is almost immediately overwhelmed by the majority of him that completely can because she’s always thinking she’s the smartest person in the room. Granted, that’s often true, but that doesn’t excuse this latest offering of bullshit in the slightest. 

As for Kanaya, the fact that she apparently thought he couldn’t handle hearing about Dave makes him feel wounded. He knows Kanaya’s always been at least a little pale for him, but this isn’t how that works: you don’t treat a pale partner like a human child! You _help_ them deal with problems, not coddle and shield them like this. 

Not that she _is_ his moirail, of course. So, maybe that’s why she apparently doesn’t know the first thing about what he can and can’t handle.

“And she thought a better time for me to find out was when I needed Dave for a plan, and it turns out he’s been dead for months?” Karkat shakes his head, hoping to impart through the gesture just how stupid that is. “I’m the leader, Jade: that means I need to know what’s happening to people under my command. I’m a fully grown troll; I don’t need to be protected from the facts of life. A whole fuck load of people have died—died due to my leadership, no less!—, and I’ve managed not to fall apart, as astounding a fact as that seems to be for you.” 

Jade is opening her mouth, but Karkat doesn’t wait to hear what she has to say before he continues. “Also, as a personal aside, it wasn’t fair to keep that information from me. You had no right to decide when I got to mourn for Dave.” 

Even though he knows Dave’s not dead, the sour feeling of hurt and shock rise up for him again and leak into his voice. “Thanks to you, Rose, and Kanaya, _I_ got to find out what happened to Dave after the fact because John thought I already knew. I got to sit there and come to terms with understanding that Dave was dead _and_ none of people I trust with my fucking life trusted _me_ enough to tell me the truth.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jade says quietly. 

Karkat tries to be mollified by the apology, but he knows he won’t be satisfied until he wrings one out of Rose and Kanaya, too. “Thanks for that,” he says as graciously as he can manage. It’s not terribly so, and he tries again. “It wasn’t all your fault, I’m sure. Rose can be really persuasive when she thinks she’s right.”

This gets a small smile. “She really can be.” The smile dies. “I really _am_ sorry, Karkat. I know you loved him, too.”

Usually, when confronted with such unwarranted slander, Karkat would deny it vociferously and strenuously. However, he’s extremely aware that his emotions are too raw and too close to the surface now for that denial to be even slightly convincing. 

Jade takes his momentary silence as permission to continue pontificating. “I know things were… tense with all of us, and I still don’t know what happened the night you left, exactly, but we—”

Karkat doesn’t want to hear this. Holy fuck, he doesn’t want to hear this. “I don’t want to hear this.” 

If he were in any mood to laugh, the offended look on Jade’s face would have been enough to make him piss himself. “But, Karkat, I think we should talk about—”

“There’s nothing _to_ talk about,” Karkat returns, his voice brittle but sharp like a frozen water pike. “As far as I’m concerned, Harley, this is the oldest of old fucking news. Like I told Dave, I don’t give a shit about things that happened literal human decades ago! I _am_ completely over it—I barely remember it, it was so long ago.” Of all the lies he’s telling, this last is the most blatant: you don’t forget a night that changes the entire course of your life.

Jade is clearly not in the mood to buy his bullshit, but then she frowns, confused. “When did you talk to Dave about this?” She sounds shocked, and that’s no surprise: when it comes to feelings jams, Dave Strider has to be dragged, joking and deflecting. At least, he did when he and Karkat were close enough to still have them.

He shakes his head against the sudden melancholy. Someday, he will get it through his thick nug bone that nothing good ever comes of thinking about Dave, but that day is not today, and now, thanks to his laser sharp focus on shit that ultimately matters fuck all, he’s got probably the stupidest opening to share this really important, game changing news with Dave's unnecessarily grieving wife. “Right. I should have told you this sooner, but Dave’s… he’s not dead, Jade. He's still alive.”

The silence is such a temporary cloth connector could drop and be clearly heard. By him, Karkat imagines Jade’s ears would hear it hit the floor even without complete silence. Jade’s face runs through emotions too quickly for Karkat to catch many of them before settling on pitying. “Oh, Karkat.”

And now she thinks he’s pan addled. Nice work, Commander Vantas. Before he can go about salvaging this situation, a commotion on the other side of the door grabs both of their attentions. They share a quick glance before heading out of the room to see what new disaster is currently underway.


	4. John

Dave is... different.

Like, obviously, he’s different: he’s a robot now! But he doesn’t act like the Dave John knows. Or knew. The one that’s hanging over Dave’s shoulder. This Dave doesn’t act much like that Dave used to. That Dave was old and sad underneath his rambling raps and jokes, and this one is...

He reminds John of a much younger Dave. Like before the Game (the Game is always capitalized in John’s mind). The way he talks, mostly: like he’s too cool to care about anything. John remembers when he was young enough to think that was hilarious; it’s not as hilarious when it’s coming from an adult-sized robot with a younger version of his best friend’s face.

It’s not actually hilarious at all.

Currently, they are heading off to meet back at Karkat’s new base place. A quick call to Jade got him the details, and it’s actually not too far from John’s… from where John’s house used to be, but they'd spent some time wandering around before John realized he didn't know where he was going and that Dave was just following his lead.

John decided _not_ to tell Jade the… well, he guesses it’s good news. Dave is definitely dead, but he’s also not? It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing to talk about over the phone. At best, she’d think he’s crazy; at worst, she’d think this was a really sick prank—which she’d be right about if it was really a prank and not the truth. 

Dave is chatting about what he got up to with Aradria and Dead Possessed Jade (the explanation for that had been as disturbing as it had been nonsensical, which is to say, a lot), and John is listening with half an ear so he can make encouraging noises every so often while he thinks.

It's weird. Not just the robot thing, though that is extremely weird, but the whole reason Dave is ‘slumming it’ here instead of ‘chillin’ in space’? An ‘Apology Tour’ just doesn’t sound like the sort of thing this version of Dave would have decided on on his own. The apology tour itself also rubs John the wrong way, but he can't pin down just why. It’s been kind of a long day.

“Dave,” John says, interrupting an impromptu (and really gross) rap number about Aradria 'making time' with the DPJ (complete with puns that tell John more than he wanted to know about his ecto sister’s personal anatomy), “what made you decide to do this whole apology tour thing? It doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd think to do, no offense.”

The silence left in the wake of the question is distinctly pouty. Then Dave shakes his head. “You're not wrong.” He shifts the Dave on his shoulder as though carrying his own literal corpse is no big d. “It was actually other Karkat's idea. Ugh, that's hella boring to say. Let's call him Otherkat instead.”

John stops walking, and Dave stops, too. “Other Karkat?”

“Yeah,” Dave confirms with a half-shrug, the shoulder not weighed down with a body rising. “I stopped in to see how sad sack me was doing, and Otherkat was already there, making crybaby eyes at the goods.” His stance shifts, uncomfortable. “I sort of thought he was m—the Karkat from around here at first, and I kind of let him have it? A lot of uncool things were said by yours truly, but none of that shit really matters anymore.” 

It’s hard to tell, John isn’t the most observant fellow, but Dave doesn’t _sound_ like ‘none of that shit matters’. “Let him have it for what?”

Dave doesn’t move for a few moments. “Like, mostly for the whole abandoning me thing. Or, abandoning sad sack me, not me me, I guess, since he’s only part of me.” He sighs dramatically. “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved him, John. I loved him, and he left me, so, yeah, I lost my cool for a hot minute when I thought Karkat was pretending not to know what he did to me then.”

Before John can question this—and boy, does he want to question this!—, Dave continues, “He was pretty fucking confused until he figured out I wasn’t _his_ Dave,” the word as a strange, almost bitter emphasis. “But once that got sorted, we had a good old fashioned Vantas Feelings Jam trademarked copyright protected, and…” he trails off, embarrassed, maybe?

He rubs the back of his neck, bowing his head. “It was seriously uncool: just the most righteously mushy shit you can imagine. He was so fucking _concerned_ that I wasn't down to hang—his was stuck on me needing to stick around. I wasn't there for it. But then he reached in, fondled my robotic heart, and made me see the error of my Ultimate ways. So, after he fucked off to whatever timeline he was actually from, I headed out to mend some motherfucking fences.”

“And by mending fences, you mean this apology tour?” John asks, the pieces slowly coming together. “That’s why you’re dropping apologies out of nowhere? Because that’s what you think other Karkat wanted you to do to get close to everyone again?”

Dave nods slowly. “Yeah? What else could he have wanted me to do? Sad sack me’s got fuck loads of shit to apologize for.”

John feels out of his depth here (because he is), but he’s been on the end of more than one Karkat feelings rant, and he _knows_ that this whole apology tour idea doesn’t sound like anything any version of him would suggest. “Okay, just hear me out on this: what if what other Karkat wanted you to do was… not that. This whole ‘apology tour’ idea is messed up!”

“You think so?” Dave scratches his chin. “Then… what do you think Otherkat wanted me to _do_ , John? ‘Cause he was pretty fucking persistent that I do _something_ to get back in with all of you. If apologizing isn’t enough, what else do you _want_ from me? I can’t go back in time and fix this shit… I mean, I could, but that would be such a fucking pain in the ass, and doom everyone, probably.”

“Dave, you don’t get it,” John says, only just getting it himself. At least, he’s pretty sure he’s got it now. His inner Karkat is giving him the bird, which is his version of a thumbs up. “You’re not the _only_ one who should be apologizing.”

“What do you mean?” He sounds genuinely puzzled.

“I mean…” John takes a moment to make sure he’s got it straight in his head. “You apologized to me for not being there for me, right?”

“Yep, that sure is what happened.”

John hesitates. It’s not easy looking back on his life and only realizing his mistakes in hindsight. He’s spent so long avoiding uncomfortable things, uncomfortable thoughts, and it’s tempting to go back to doing that, but this is important and long overdue. “I wasn’t there for _you_ either, Dave.”

Dave tilts his head.

“You’re my best friend,” John tries again, “but I haven’t been acting like it. When’s the last time we hung out before tonight?”

“I could work that out to the second for you,” Dave says after a moment, “but I’m not going to. It’s chill anyway. We all knew you were depressed. And sorry for not saying anything about that sooner again, I guess.”

That hurts. He’s not _wrong_ , but it still hurts. “That’s not the point, Dave. The point is… I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me. I’m sorry you didn’t think you could come to me. I’ve been a really shitty best friend for a long time, and I’m sorry for that.”

Dave is staring at him, his eyes glowing red behind his shades. “Oh.” There is a lot of emotion in that one syllable. 

John waits for a few seconds before he can’t take the suspense. “So, do you forgive me?”

To his shock, Dave starts laughing. It’s not nice laughter either; it sounds a little hysterical. “Fuck!” The kind of thing you get before sobbing your eyes out. “Oh my god!” John may or may not be familiar with what that sounds like. “Shit, John!” Then, abruptly as it started, the laughter stops. “Fuck, yeah, I think I can do that,” he says, his voice all cool and indifferently neutral again. 

“Glad to hear it.” John knows he doesn’t sound glad, but he can’t hide how disturbed he is. It’s so unsettling when Dave does this—flipping his emotions on and off like he’s some kind of… oh, yeah. Right. He wonders if Dave’s really shutting his emotions off, or if it’s just his new version of the classic Strider poker face. “Do you see what I mean, though?”

“Yeah.” Dave starts walking again, and John follows suit. For a few minutes, the only sound is the _swiff swiff_ of their feet through the grass. “You know, Otherkat didn’t actually say I needed to go on an apology tour,” he admits. 

“I didn’t think he would.” John tries not to sound too smug. “So, what _did_ he actually say?”

Dave waves his hand as though trying to disperse a bad smell. When he talks, his voice is higher pitched and scratchy. “Tell them how you _feel_ , Dave. _Forgive_ them, Dave. Let them _love_ you, Dave.” He shakes his head. “Fucking emasculate me, why don’t you, Otherkat?”

Again, John is struck by how immature Dave is now. It’s like all that character growth he underwent totally disappeared! “It’s not emasculating to act like a responsible adult, you know.” He’s aware, as he says this, that he’s got very little room to talk about what responsible adults are like. But even he’s better than _this_. Is it because Dave’s a robot now? Is that how this works? “Seriously, Dave, I know you said you’d explain the whole robot thing later, but would you mind explaining some of it now?”

“Ugh,” Dave groans. “Exposition is the fucking worst.” _swiff swiff swiff swiff_ “Fine, what do you want to know? I’m an encyclopedia opened to the entry on robots with the section on Ultimate Dave drenched in bright pink highlighter, on account of how gay I am.” He pauses. “I’m gay now, in case you didn’t get the memo.”

“I thought that was already established?” John says with some confusion. “I mean, I know you married Jade and all, but even _I_ knew you were still hung up over Karkat, and I’ve barely noticed anything for _years_.” Self-depreciation is the lowest kind of humor, but John needs _some_ levity right now!

Another half-shrug. “Sad sack me didn’t get the memo until Obama hit him with the hard truths.”

John stops dead and Dave obligingly stops with him. “What the _fuck_ does Obama have to do with anything?”

“Yeah, okay, we’re not doing this now,” Dave says firmly. “Everyone and their grandmother is going to want the lowdown on the Obama deets, and, don't get me wrong, it was the best thing to ever happen to any version of me, but,” he pauses for a moment, then his voice goes soft, “I don't want to talk about how I died over and over.”

Oh. It's easy to forget that this Dave is also the Dave slung over his shoulder and what that means. It's kind of a relief to know Dave's not as over being dead as he was pretending to be; it's another sign that the Dave he knows isn't totally gone, another reminder that there's still something human in that Dave-shaped metal shell. “Of course, man.”

After a few uncomfortable minutes of walking, John asks the question he was going to ask before getting distracted by Obama. “What's it like being a robot?”

Dave doesn't answer right away. “I don't know.”

John frowns, incredulous. “You don't know? You're literally a robot right now!”

“Dude, compared to being my Ultimate self, being a robot barely registers.” A beat of silence. “I do miss the fuck out of AJ though.”

Dave's mentioned being 'ultimate' a few times now, and John still doesn't know what that means… except that it means Dave is more than one Dave at the same time? “What does that mean, being your ultimate self?”

“I'm like the fucking alpha and omega of Dave. But not like in a sexy werewolf way, more like a Biblical way. I'm the father, son, and holy ghost made metal flesh. Except there are _way_ more than three Dave's in here.”

John waits but no more seems forthcoming. That’s okay; he can figure this out. “Let me see if I get this: you’re full of Daves.”

“Yep.”

“And you all, what?, take turns driving the robot body? Like one Dave’s in charge now?” John wants to ask if he can speak to _his_ Dave, but he _did_ actually learn something from all that time with Dave Sprite… even if he didn’t really get it back when getting it would have been the most useful. And he _does_ get it now, even if it doesn’t _feel_ right that some other Dave is just as much Dave as the Dave he knows. The important thing is that Dave says it’s true, and he’s the one who’d know.

Dave shakes his head. “Nope. That ain’t it.” He rearranges the body on his shoulder, and John can’t hold back a wince when Dave’s, dead Dave’s, _his_ Dave’s head makes solid contact with Dave’s shiny metal torso. “Like, I know I’ve been talking a lot about sad sack me, and he’s _here_ ,” he taps on his chest (it makes a hollow kind of sound), “but it’s not like I could pull him out and have him _talk_ to you.

“He’s not… _none_ of the Daves are their own people anymore. They’re all _me_ , and I’m _them_. We’re a fully mixed set of tracks now: you can hear the audio from all the different channels, but you can’t separate them out again. That’s not how it works. I’m the new song, which is made up of all the bits of the old songs. I’m the Ultimate Dave, the sum of all our parts.” 

“Oh.” 

If Dave hears the grief in John’s voice, he doesn’t comment on it. The bitter part of John thinks this Dave just doesn’t care. “Being Ultimate is pretty baller. If you need the chillest motherfucker, holler, ‘cause you can bet your bottom most dollar that I’m the illest, doesn’t get more real than the re’lest.” 

And so on. John isn’t listening anymore.

His Dave is really gone. Never coming back. All that’s left of him is a corpse and his… spirit? essence? mixed into an all-Dave slurry and forced into a metal casing like the world’s worst hot dog. John thinks he’s seen flashes of his Dave, but knowing that’s the most he’s ever going to see of him again makes his heart feel like it’s being crushed. It's like hearing he's dead all over again.

The light punch to his shoulder almost sends John flying off into the night—as it is, John flies up a good three feet. He glares at Dave as he settles back to the ground. “What was _that_ for?” 

“For looking like an old sad sack,” Dave says matter of factly. “Also, I asked you if we were getting close yet, and you were totally ignoring me.” He shakes his head. “To think I've flown all this way to get mentally ditched by my best bro. Fucking sad is what that is.”

“Sorry,” John says, “I was… I was thinking.” He decides he doesn’t want to tell Dave that he’s back to grieving for him. “It’s been kind of a long day.” That’s when John looks around and realizes he’s overshot the safe house. 

“So, _are_ we there yet?” Dave asks after a moment, his voice pitched like a whining child. It’s kind of unfortunate how much that suits him now. 

“Just a little further, Dave.”


	5. Dave

According to John, they need to back track a bit. Which is fine. It’s not like Dave’s got anything else to do right now. He shifts his body on his shoulder—while he’s not heavy, ~~and his body is easier to carry around now that he’s not in it,~~ it’s kind of awkward to lug around. It also occurs to him that maybe busting into wherever they’re going to with his corpse on full display might get a bad reaction. 

He pops it into his Sylladex. As Ultimate Dave, he barely uses the thing: he’s got his sword, some fruit, and now his corpse. 

John jumps a little. “Where did your, uh, body go, Dave?”

“Sylladex.”

“Oh.” Then John stops and narrows his eyes. “Why didn’t you put it in your Sylladex before?”

 ~~Dave forgot he’d had one.~~ “Ironic reasons, mostly,” he says. A suitably ironic idea comes to him and he goes with it. “I’m my own Pieta.”

“...Like the bread?”

No matter what version of him Dave interacts with, he can always depend on John being a fucking goober. If Dave weren’t so cool, he’d worry about that shit rubbing off. “Sure. Like the bread. I’m my own Dave sandwich with special soul sauce.” 

John makes a face. “Please don’t ever say that again.” He points to a cave that’s maybe a hundred yards away. “Jade said this was the place to look for.” His expression becomes concerned, ~~making Dave feel warm inside~~ making Dave wish he’d knock that shit off. “Are you okay to see everyone?”

“Fuck yeah,” Dave says easily. “Why wouldn’t I be?” ~~There are so many answers to that question!~~ Ultimate Dave is cool as a cucumber and at least ten times as tasty. Ooh! He should totally say that. He does. 

The Egbert eye roll is amusing and expected. “Yeah, whatever, Dave.” 

Entering the cave, they have to take a couple twists and turns before they get to a wooden door that probably wouldn’t be able to keep out a very determined Jehovah’s Witness. John knocks fucking ‘shave and a haircut’ like the doofus he is, and the door opens to reveal Swifer.

Despite what John said about the apology tour not really being what Otherkat had wanted, ~~Dave’s not ready to be that vulnerable~~ Dave doesn’t see any other way to go about this mending fences deally. He regards Swifer (who is regarding _him_ with wide-eyed shock) and thinks about whether or not he’s got anything to apologize to that particular troll for.

He didn’t interact much with Swifer, but there was that _one_ time… “Sorry for slamming the door in your face a while back. It was a straight up accident: sad sack me wasn’t paying attention because he was” ~~busy moping about Karkat~~ “thinking too hard about dope jams.” 

Swifer blinks stupidly. “Uh. That’s okay, Mr. Strider.” She steps aside to let both of them inside. The place is rough hewn and definitely thrown together last minute. Dave can see signs of Jade’s space manipulation at work as well. 

“Can we see Jade?” John says before Dave can say anything. Rude.

“She’s in a meeting with the Commander,” Swifer says, still giving Dave’s bod serious side eye. “We’ve got a lot of other people here you can see right now though.” 

That suits Dave fine. ~~He’s not ready to try talking to either Jade _or_ Karkat.~~ Karkat’s probably still being a bitch, and Jade’s probably not far behind. ~~He immediately feels bad for that thought: Jade and Karkat aren’t the problem here.~~ He immediately brightens up. “Is Rose around?”

Swifer nods slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I can take you to see her. I think she’s in the kitchen with Yiffany and Kanaya.” 

Who the fuck is Yiffany? “Who the fuck is Yiffany?”

“Oh.” John this time. “Right, you don’t know about her.” He smiles slightly ~~, but it’s clearly pained~~. “Uh. So…” he trails off and shakes his head. “You know what? You can ask Rose who she is.”

As promised, Rose, Kanaya, and a third person Dave doesn't know are hanging in a kitchen. A teenager, probably. Or she’s just short. She looks… like someone who’d be called “Yiffany”. Like an old time furry with the ears and the tail and all. Must be a Jade fan. Dave’s seen a few folks over the years cosplay the founders. Her back is to him, and her attention is on Rose and Kanaya. 

Rose sees him first.

“Dave?” Rose looks stunned, her normally impeccable mask of disinterest utterly shattered. She reaches out to him, her hand trembling and her face pale. ~~It breaks Dave’s heart to see her like this~~ It weirds Dave the fuck out, but he stays still and lets her put her hand on his cheek. She draws it back like she’s been burned. Which is ridiculous: Dave’s robot body is both literally _and_ figuratively cool. “Dave, is that you?”

“Fuck yeah, it’s me,” Dave says. He glances at Kanaya, who looks similarly stunned, ~~if not as near to tears~~ if not as ~~upset~~ off balance. It takes a lot to unbalance Kanaya—she’s a fucking _rock_. “Y’all act like you’ve never seen a robot before; jaws on the floor while I’m riffin’ a verse—”

"Oh my god, Dave!” John complains. “Now is _not_ the time to be ripping off Eminem."

Dave turns to John. “It’s not ripping him off if it’s a homie homage.” He makes sure to pronounce the ‘h’ in ‘homage’ ~~just to get Rose to smile again~~ just to tick Rose off. It doesn’t work: she still looks like ~~she’s going to cry~~ she’s eaten some bad tuna. Maybe he should start apologizing? “I’m sorry, Rose. I didn’t do shit about your alcoholism, and I was a total dick at your wedding. I mean, I kind of got dosed with that Tricksters shit without knowing what the fuck it was, but that doesn’t really excuse any of the shit I pulled then. So, sorry about that.”

Rose stares at him, her mouth slightly open. “Dave, what the _fuck_ are you talking about?” She grabs his arm. “What happened to you? Jade said you died.”

“Oh, that totally happened,” Dave admits, “ and I’ll definitely explain it, but I don’t want to get into that until everyone who’s got to be in the know is in one place?” It’s not really a question, so he doesn’t wait for a response. He’s got more apologies to give! “I should have tried harder to keep in contact with you after we all went our own ways. I sort of shut you out, and that was super uncool of me.”

The incredulousness in Rose’s expression is ~~painfully~~ familiar. “That… That’s not solely _your_ fault.” She shakes her head. “I was hardly a shining example of emotional availability. I shut _you_ out as well, Dave.” A hesitation, ~~which is so unlike Rose,~~ “I… There’s a lot I never told you about.”

Yiffany is looking at him now, her eyes squinting ~~the way Jade’s do when she isn’t wearing her glasses~~. Her hair is white blonde ~~like his and Rose’s~~ , cut short. Her face looks familiar, in a way. ~~Like looking at a fun house mirror.~~ Like someone he should know. If she’s here, she must be someone important: Karkat does not let kids into _this_ clubhouse. 

He shrugs to himself. What’s one more apology? “Hey, Yiffany, right?” At her nod, he inclines his head. “Yeah, I don’t know who you are, but I get the idea I should? So, sorry for not paying like any fucking attention to anything outside of my own personal radius.” 

Yiffany stares back for a moment before throwing a pleading look at Rose. “Mom?”

Now Dave gets to be the one blinking stupidly. “Mom?” 

Rose looks... guilty. 

~~Dave feels a sudden, inexplicable dread.~~ Dave feels impatient. “Rose?”

She’s silent. 

Dave looks to Kanaya. “I thought y’all had just the one kid, Vriska the sequel. When did you get this one?”

When Kanaya is angry, she doesn’t get angry like most people do. It’s a quiet kind of fury that bubbles under the surface until it explodes. She’s not anywhere near that point right now, but there’s hints of it in the sour tightness of her expression. “Yiffany, I would appreciate it if you went somewhere else while we discuss this with your… Uncle Dave.”

Finish crumbs, huh? Must be serious. Dave doesn’t have a stomach anymore, ~~but if he did, it’d be sinking faster than the fucking Titanic.~~ but he doesn’t remember where he was going with that thought. ~~That’s been happening a lot lately.~~ Fucking weird. 

There’s no mistaking the relief in Yiffany’s expression—no kid wants to be around ~~for when adults fight~~ for dull ass conversations. She turns tail, literally!, and heads out of the kitchen with only a quick, ~~concerned~~ glance at Rose. 

Once she’s gone, Rose sighs. “Dave, let me preface this by assuring you I did not mean for this to happen.”

Dave crosses his arms. ~~He hates this already.~~ “Just tell me what the fuck is up, Rose. I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you and Kanaya adopted another kid, but—”

“She wasn’t adopted,” Rose interrupts, her voice harsh with an emotion Dave can’t identify. Another hesitation. “She’s… She’s mine.”

“And you named her Yiffany?” That seems like the harder part to believe. Sad sack Dave not noticing Rose being pregnant for months is par for the fucking course—Sad sack Dave noticed fuck and all—, but Rose naming her own kid _Yiffany_? That doesn’t sound like a Rose name. 

~~It sounds like a Jade name.~~

“That’s what you’re focusing on?” Rose titters, and Dave is ~~uncomfortably reminded of those nights on the meteor when Rose had had a few too many~~ reminded of when Rose lived it up on the meteor. “Your disbelief _is_ warranted: Yiffany would not be my first choice, and it wasn’t. We did eventually come to a consensus, however, though not without some quite lively back and forth.”

“ _You_ wanted to call her Yiffany?” Dave asks Kanaya. That really doesn’t sound like a thing Kanaya would want. 

Kanaya’s face is still pinched. “I was not involved in those discussions, Dave.” She puts her hand on Rose’s arm. When she speaks, her voice is soft and insistent, kind yet firm. “This will not get easier the longer you leave him in suspense, Rose.”

Rose puts her hand over Kanaya’s, a ~~sad~~ small smile on her face. “You’re right.” She takes a deep breath. “Dave, Yiffany is… her other mother is Jade.”

The statement is processed ~~with agonizing slowness~~. None of the Daves are good at math, but Yiffany’s definitely a teenager. ~~No. No, Rose and Jade wouldn’t do that to him. They wouldn’t...~~ So, how would that have happened? 

~~Rose looks equal parts determined and resigned.~~

Oh. Dave wonders why Rose and John made a whole production out of this shit. He turns to John, ~~who’s looking at him like he’s made of glass~~ who looks like he’s had some of Rose’s bad tuna, too. “You could have just said Rose and Jade got up to some ectobiology, John. This wasn’t much of a prank, bro.”

“Dave, that’s not what happened,” John says, still looking ill but now also angry. “Just tell him, Rose.”

Another hesitation. Then Rose shakes her head. “No, we didn’t perform any ecobiology. We… ah, we went about it the natural way.” 

“The natural way,” Dave repeats, his field of vision narrowing. ~~He’s never felt more furious, more hurt, more sad in any of his lives.~~

“I didn’t— _we_ didn’t mean for it to happen. We were both drunk and—”

“You never told me.” His voice is coming from somewhere far away. ~~He has never come closer to hating Jade or Rose than he does in this moment.~~

“We’d always meant to tell you, but the time was never right.”

~~He can’t hate them because he loves them too much.~~

“And then you died, and… and it was too late.”

~~He’d thought they loved him, too.~~

“Dave, please say something.”

 ~~Dave tries to say something, tries to move, but he’s frozen.~~

“Davebot.exe has stopped responding.” The words are a monotone.

“That’s not funny, Dave!”

 ~~It’s not a joke, John.~~

“Dave!” John again, but muffled now. The room dims around them. The touch of warm hands on his metal body are mere suggestions of sensation.

~~He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He can’t do either.~~

The world grows dark and silent. Dave knows nothing for what seems like a very, very long time.


	6. Jade

When she follows Karkat out the door to investigate the ruckus, Jade is doubly confused: why are John and Rose shouting Dave’s name like that? Dave isn’t around to be shouted so desperately for. No matter what Karkat says, Dave is dead. She knows he is. She saw the body. 

And it’s like she’s seeing it again when she enters the kitchen area: Dave, laying on the ground, motionless, tear tracks still wet on his cheeks, his hand still soft and warm in her own when she grabs it. Jade blinks furiously and sees what’s really here: some kind of Davebot laid out on the kitchen floor, metallic body, weird anime outfit, Dave’s missing shades perched on the thing’s nose. 

John is on the floor, slapping metal cheeks to no avail as he shouts for ‘Dave’ to wake up. Rose is in a shocked Kanaya’s arms, wiping her eyes. The display has brought a small crowd to see what the hubbub is about, including a confused Yiffy and a stunned Tavvy. A lot of whispering and pointing and shocked gasps. "I thought Strider was dead." "Is that really him?" "He looks more metallic than he used to!" “Uncle Dave?”

"What the fuck is going on?" Karkat roars, instantly silencing everyone. "Kanaya! What happened?"

Kanaya curls one perfectly painted lip. "Dave had an adverse reaction to learning of the… circumstances surrounding Yiffany's birth." 

Others without Jade’s superior hearing no doubt missed the dark, furious undercurrent of her words, but Jade heard it quite clearly. Her eyes dart to Yiffy, and she sees Yiffy’s dark ears flattening. There’s a lot they’ve never taken the time to explain to her, and it’s super unfair that she’s learning it now like this. Jade doesn’t blame Kanaya though; she can’t help how she feels. 

“‘An adverse reaction’?” John echoes incredulously. “He shut himself down—davebot.exe stopped responding, he said. I thought it was a joke.” He shakes his head, disgusted. "Not that I blame him for taking this badly. I mean, Jesus, guys. I don't know how the smartest people I know can be so dumb.”

"Wait," Karkat says, clearly confused now. "You mean… you mean _Dave_ didn't know about Yiffany either?"

Jade winces. He'd had a similar reaction when he'd learned Kanaya hadn't known, too. And it’s not that she doesn’t understand why, because she does!, but it’s really none of Karkat’s business. It’s not. Karkat _chose_ not to be a part of their relationship years ago; he doesn’t get to decide he’s part of it now!

And Rose seems to agree. "We can have this discussion later if you still feel the need to insert yourself into our private concerns." She has recovered most of her normal aloofness, though her purple eyes are still shiny. "But now isn't the time."

Oh, Karkat is _not_ happy with that dismissal, but he doesn't argue. "Fine." The word is terse and promises later reckoning. He waves away the crowd with both hands. "Show's over! Find somewhere else to be and something else to do before I decide for you!" Then he points at Jade. "Get him running again, Harley."

It could be fun—it’s been a fair number of years since she’s had a chance to play around with a robot. What Jade doesn’t like is that Karkat’s referring to the Davebot as ‘he’ and that John, Rose, and Kanaya are so obviously worried about the thing. Is _this_ thing the reason Karkat was trying to tell her that Dave wasn’t dead? 

Okay, yes, it _looks_ like Dave, but it’s just a robot. Honestly, this is all a little sad. And infuriating. It’s also infuriating. “Yes, Commander Vantas. I’ll get right to it.” She's about to zap the Davebot down to her temporary quarters when John picks it up, cradling it against his chest like it's a person.

"Where to, Jade?"

Jade purses her lips and considers leaving John behind when she zaps. Then she shrugs: John must have some reason for wanting to come along. There’s no need to snap her fingers or make any other ostentatious displays. One moment, they are in the kitchen, then with a flash of green, they are in her temporary bedroom. 

John curses but doesn’t drop his burden. “Fuck, Jade! Warn me next time you’re going to do that. I almost dropped Dave.”

And Jade can’t take it anymore. “That _thing_ is not Dave!”

“He _is_ , though,” John argues patiently (which only makes Jade’s lip curl into a snarl. Of anyone in this cave, John is the one who is _least_ qualified to act like _she’s_ the idiot—especially when he’s saying such stupid things. 

“It’s really not.” Without waiting for John to take initiative, she flashes the Davebot down onto her bed. “I don’t know why you, Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat have formed such a close bond to this thing, but it’s ridiculous.”

Now that it and John are the only things vying for her nose’s attention, she smells… she smells something very strange. Something very, very familiar...

“Jade, listen to me.”

“Shush!” Jade closes her eyes. It’s… it’s _her_? But not _her_. Like a younger her. But that doesn’t make sense… There’s another smell that’s fairly strong, a troll. Not one recognizes, though. And, of course, there’s John and a faint whiff of Karkat. Some smoke. Some… fruit? Weird. This is so weird. 

She opens her eyes and considers the best way to ‘get him running again.’ “You said it stopped responding?”

John makes an aggrieved sound, and Jade looks up to see John staring back, his eyes alight behind his glasses. “Jade, please stop calling Dave an _it_. It’s really gross of you.”

While it’s nice to see John’s not so depressed anymore, these dramatics are annoying. “And I think it’s really gross of _you_ to keep talking about this thing like it’s Dave.” She feels a warning pressure in her chest and takes a deep breath. “I know you miss Dave—I miss him, too!—, but you can’t just replace him with—”

“No, listen,” John interrupts, his own patience clearly stretched thin, too, “that _is_ Dave. A whole lot of Daves from what he said.” He shakes his head. “It’s kind of fucked up, but our Dave is in there, too.” He steps toward the thing on the bed, laying a hand on it’s arm. “You’ll see what I mean when he starts talking again.”

Jade wants to argue, but it’s not unprecedented. She’d never met Aradiabot personally or spoke with it, but she’d heard about it. “Even if his soul is in there, this thing is still just a robot.”

John rolls his eyes. “If he’s just a robot, why do you think he shut himself down when he found out you and Rose cheated on him?” He sounds disgusted and hurt on Dave’s behalf. 

“That literally doesn’t concern you.” It’s a struggle, but she manages to keep her tone even. 

“It _does_ concern me when it’s my best friend you’ve hurt!” He puts his hands on his hips, staring down at her with stern, fatherly disapproval. “You should have just let him go, Jade.”

Jade’s hackles rise. “Fuck you, John, you still don’t know _shit_ about my relationship with Dave. You definitely don’t have the right to stand there and judge me for any of this.” In the face of his continued, quiet judgment, she goes for the kill. “And don’t pretend you’ve been some _amazing_ friend to Dave these last few years, either. I can’t even remember the last time the two of you _spoke_ , never mind getting together in person. I don’t think you’ve done it since the wedding.”

The strikes hit home, she can see that by his guilt in his expression, but then he stands tall again. “I’ve already apologized to him for being a shitty friend. Maybe you should think about apologizing, too.”

A part of her wants to laugh with derision that John thinks apologizing to a robot fixes anything, but most of her is fed up by John’s preachiness and the guilt this conversation has stirred up. The man she might possibly owe any kind of apology to is dead, and John isn’t just talking about Rose and Yiffy. _You should have just let him go, Jade._

(Maybe she should have. But it’s too late now.)

“So, what? It’s all on _me_ to apologize for _everything_?” Jade snaps. Not because she cares about John’s opinion on this, but because she wants to end this conversation. Sure, she could zap John somewhere else, but that would only be putting this off. It wouldn’t settle it. “I suppose you think Dave’s completely blameless, and that I’m just the bitch who _kept_ him against his will?” 

“No, of course not,” John says after a moment, his stance relaxing a fraction. “It’s not all your fault, but it’s not all _his_ fault either.” He narrows his eyes, thinking. “You both made each other miserable for almost two decades, and I think you should admit it.”

“We weren’t miserable!” Jade pretends the unconvinced man in front of her is the one she’s trying to convince. “He could have left any time he wanted. I didn’t _force_ him to stay with me.”

John sighs. “Jade…” he trails off. “Dave’s positive that other Karkat wanted him to go on a grand apology tour to make things right with everyone.”

Jade blinks. There are several things that don’t make much sense here. “Other Karkat?”

“Yeah, other Karkat,” John confirms quickly, clearly unwilling to be distracted from his train of thought. “Dave said he’s gone back to wherever he came from, so that’s not important right now.” He closes his eyes briefly. “Anyway, when Dave wakes up, he’s going to apologize to you. Probably a lot. And if the Jade I used to know is still anywhere inside of you, you’ll have a few apologies for _him_ , too.”

Before Jade can come up with a reply, John shows himself out. Well, he tries to: he actually opens the closet door and walks into a bunch of shelves. _Then_ he turns around and leaves the right way. 

“We weren’t miserable,” she says to the empty room. They weren’t. Of course they had problems—what couple doesn’t!—but they were working them out. And then it didn’t matter anymore. She looks down at the Davebot on the bed and sighs. Time to get to work. 

Machines are easy. Electricity isn’t magic—it follows rules. Circuitry and programming are solid and real in a way that feelings and thoughts aren’t. It brings her back to happier times. Yes, she’d been lonely back then, huge house with no one to talk to in her waking life except for Bec and her grandfather’s body, but things had been simple.

No one to disappoint or be disappointed by. No one to hurt or be hurt by. A future in the clouds to look forward to, and then distant friends who became her world (and distant fuckasses who refused to become friends no matter how nice she was to them). 

Then things stopped being so simple, and things she’d always believed to be true turned out to be lies. Learning that everything she’d thought she’d understood, she’d never understood at all. Things she’d never questioned coming back to burn her like the green sun itself.

The Davebot is sophisticated, inside and out. It reminds her of Dirk’s work. The outfit is like something Dirk would choose, too. Dirk. She hasn’t thought of him in a long time. It’s not that his name is forbidden, or _was_ forbidden, in the Strider-Harley home, but Dave… Dave never really got past that, Dirk dying. Dirk killing himself. 

Jade tried, of course she did!, but her efforts never got through to him. She didn’t understand then why Dave flew off the handle when she’d suggested stuffing Dirk’s corpse in the Harley/English tradition. She’d always found comfort in having her grandfather around the house. 

But when the time came for her to make that choice with Dave, she left him behind. There were reasons for this, of course. Good reasons, too, but they were also just excuses not to have to look at Dave’s dead, emotionless, face. It was hard enough to see him make that face when he still was alive. 

Now, it wasn’t like that _all_ the time. They _weren’t_ miserable. Dave had his rough patches (and so did she!) every so often, but they were good together, no matter what John thinks. Being with Dave was like being home, and she hopes, as she tinkers with this fake Dave, that he felt the same way about being with her. She loved him an awful lot, and maybe Dave didn’t always show it in all the ways she wanted him to, but he loved her, too. She knows he did. 

Everything seems to be in order, circuitry-wise. Nothing burnt out or loose. Maybe it’s a software problem—John did say it had stopped responding. She’s searched this thing high and low for anything that could be an on/off switch, but if the Davebot has one, it’s well hidden. She reattaches the skull cap and looks at the simulacrum. 

It does look a lot like Dave. It’s Dave’s face in silver. A younger Dave. At least, whoever made the robot didn’t give it any wrinkles. It’s red eyes are open and dark. It’s hair is a solid, molded mass. The lips are slightly parted, and when Jade runs a finger across them, they’re softer than she expects. Still metal but with give. 

A fanciful notion crosses her mind, and Jade giggles, feeling like a youngster again. Riding that high, she decides to go for it. If this thing really has Dave’s soul inside, he won’t mind. And if it’s just a robot, it won’t care. She leans down and presses her lips against the robot’s. They’re cool and taste metallic. Which is not a surprise. It’s also not a surprise that nothing’s changed when she stands back up. 

_So much for true love’s kiss._

Jade dismisses the thought like the nonsense it is. She’s going to have to find its power source so she can try shutting it down and turning it on again manually. It’s going to be such a pain in the ass. She’ll go touch base with Yiffy first, then she’ll come back to deal with this. She just hopes Yiffy will be open to hearing her out this time, and that this won't be Ms. Paint's all over again.


	7. Rose

After the crowd disperses and Jade zaps away with John and Dave, the last thing Rose wants to do is discuss anything with Karkat. She already knows what this is going to be about, and though he’ll try, he’s not going to wrest any concessions from her. Still, she follows him into his temporary meeting room and waits for him to share what’s so clearly on his mind. 

“So, Lalonde,” Karkat has a habit of ignoring the fact that their names have changed via marriage—Rose has not decided why yet, though she harbors a theory it has to do with the less than happy marriage of Jade and Dave—, “I heard something interesting tonight, and I thought it would be only fair to ask you for some confirmation.” 

There are times when Karkat is delightfully blunt and to the point; there are other times when he does _this_ instead. It’s tiresome, and Rose isn’t in the mood for it. “This is about Dave. Who told you he was dead?”

As expected, Karkat is annoyed by being denied his thunder. Not that it’ll stop him, but she’s gotten what she wanted. “John. For some bizarre reason, he thought I already knew. Can't imagine why he would think _that_."

Ah. Although Kanaya still struggles from time to time with the nuances of sarcasm, Karkat has never suffered from such a liability. "For all that John was our friend leader during the Game, he has never been a strategist, as exemplified by his recent conduct."

Karkat is already scowling. "And I suppose you are." He shakes his head. "That was information I needed to have. I'm the one making plans."

"Dave would never have factored into anything important." Not giving Karkat a chance to ask the obvious question, she explains, "Dave stopped time traveling some time ago, and you would never force him to do something which would cause him mental anguish, so that ability would never factor into your plans." 

Karkat wants to argue, but he knows she's right.

"As for any other particular talents and skills he possessed," she continues in case Karkat decides to argue the point anyway, "you would never risk him dying a heroic death to utilize them. So, no, Dave would never have factored into whatever plans you made." 

If this were before the war, before the circumstances of Earth C had molded Karkat into the already war weary commander standing in front of her, she's certain he would start screaming at her for daring to point out the obvious. He's furious, yes, but controlled. "That wasn't your call to make."

"I'm your advisor, aren't I? If that hasn't changed, I believe it was _entirely_ my call to make. And I was correct in my assessment. Letting you continue to believe he was still alive had no negative consequences, where informing you of his demise would have done nothing but distract you during a critical time. After all, Commander," she gives the word a caustic flip, "he's already been dead for a month, and you never noticed at all."

Karkat opens his mouth but is uncharacteristically dumbstruck. He heaves a shuddering sigh and rubs his face. Then there's something Rose doesn't expect: tears. "And when exactly would you have told me? Would you have let me die thinking he was still alive?" He wipes his eye. "I know, I know we weren't close anymore, but he was… he was still my _friend_ , Rose. I had a right to know."

Rose can't be sorry; she did what was necessary, but she appreciates now how cold her thinking had been. Whatever else he is, Karkat's heart has always been the best part of him. He feels deeply in a way most people don't. In a way she rarely allows herself. "For what it's worth, I do regret that this was necessary."

Something that is not a laugh. "Fuck, I'm never going to get you to admit that you were wrong, am I?" The question is rhetorical; they know each other too well for it to be otherwise. He shakes his head. "Just get out, Rose. I don’t want to see you for a while."

Although she was right and did what was necessary, she finds she no longer wants to debate the merits of her strategy. It seems the least she can do is leave Karkat to his delayed and now, apparently, gratuitous grief. She abscounds, graciously.

Kanaya is still waiting for her in the kitchenette, sitting on her own at the small table. She stands as soon as she notices Rose. “Is everything all right?”

Rose hums noncommittally. She considers her lovely wife, knows that there is another Yiffany discussion on the horizon, and decides to put it off for just a little longer. As tonight has proven, such tactics don’t work forever but she’ll take what she can get. There is also the added benefit of dealing with the other issue which has come up. “I think you should go speak with Karkat; he’s rather… distraught.”

“Is he?” Kanaya is frowning. Of course she doesn’t realize, but it’s not her fault. 

“Yes. He and I had a disagreement concerning a certain decision I made which I held you and Jade to.” 

Kanaya had never been especially happy with said decision, though she had agreed in the end. “I see.” She hesitates. “We will talk later?” It’s phrased as a question, but it isn’t.

“Of course.” Rose watches her go back the way Rose just came and allows herself a relieved sigh. She supposes there’s a certain irony in a seer being so blind to the future consequences of an action, but if there is, it’s unwarranted here: neither one of them had been thinking at all. 

Though Kanaya has assured her that she’s forgiven both of them, Rose knows she hasn’t. Not really, not yet. Her wife is still angry in a way which teeters between worrying and worryingly exciting, and Rose prefers the limbo they currently inhabit to either outcome. She doesn’t think Kanaya will _leave_ her—they’ve weathered too much for anything so maudlinly dramatic—, but it will take a long time to reclaim Kanaya’s trust, if she ever has it again.

The same is no doubt true of Dave, and that is a bitter pill to swallow. He’d sounded… betrayed. She hadn’t expected that. This is largely due to not sparing much thought considering how Dave would react to Yiffany’s existence at all. The more years which passed without Yiffany coming to light, the easier it became to settle into the new status quo and pretend that nothing would ever change.

And then Dave died, so it would no longer ever become an issue. 

And now Dave isn’t dead, or not entirely so, and it is an issue. Rose has an answer now to how Dave would react to learning about Yiffany: badly. Her own reaction to his reaction was embarrassingly overwrought, but she comforts herself with the understanding that his sudden return to life is fair grounds to become discombobulated. 

It also certainly was not the ideal way to open a discussion concerning that particular subject. She despises being put on the defensive, reacting instead of thinking, and perhaps Dave wouldn’t have taken it all quite so badly if she’d had the opportunity to broach the topic herself. Though, if she is, to use a Daveism, being real, she had almost sixteen years to do so and neglected to. She and, presumably at some point, Jade are now reaping what they’ve sown.

A malignant crop of old lies and bitter regrets. 

She’s still waiting for Kanaya to reemerge from her no doubt pale dalliance with Karkat when Jade joins her at the table, looking distraught. 

“You haven’t seen Yiffy, have you, Rose?”

“I haven’t seen her since before Dave collapsed.” 

Jade tilts her head. “You think that thing is Dave, too?” Annoyed. “It’s a robot,” she says slowly, as though Rose might have not realized this fact for herself. “Dave’s dead; I saw his body. He’s gone, and I’m getting really sick of people pretending he’s not.”

Uncharitably, Rose wonders if this vehemence is more due to the grief of having an old wound opened with possibly false hope of succor, or if Jade would honestly prefer Dave remaining dead to being alive again in some way. Dave being alive means a return to messy emotions and obligations. Only exacerbated by Yiffany. Whereas, being dead, Dave’s memory can be molded as one sees fit.

“I don’t understand the mechanism, though Dave said he’d explain once he had all of us together, but it appears that he’s returned to us, albeit in a new form. It does you no favors,” Rose continues, pretending she doesn’t notice Jade impatiently awaiting her own turn to speak, “to cling to the idea that Dave is still gone when he clearly isn’t.”

Jade scowls. Once again, it seems Rose’s advice falls upon deaf ears. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this.” Her face softens. “I think Yiffy is avoiding me.”

Yiffany is volatile at the best of times, of which this particular time is not. This, at least, is no mystery. “It’s hardly surprising that Yiffany would want some time to herself after tonight's revelations.”

“I know,” Jade says quietly. “This isn’t how I wanted her to find out.” 

Rose wonders if Jade is looking for commiseration or compurgation, but she is not currently in the mood to offer either. Decisions regarding Yiffany after the child was born were never Rose’s responsibility. “Perhaps you should have thought of that before now.” She stands. “If she won’t come to you, perhaps she’ll come to me. I’ll enlist someone uninvolved to seek her out, and she can decide whether or not she wants to be difficult for a while longer.” 

Jade’s expression is a fascinating amalgam of hurt and gratitude. “Okay. Thanks. Text me if you find her.”

“Of course,” Rose agrees. While this will no doubt return their conversation to the previous contentious topic, she wants to know. “Were you able to get Dave ‘running’ again?”

“No.” Jade narrows her eyes. “Nothing seems to be wrong with it.” She props her head onto an upturned palm, her elbow on the table. “I’ll have to find its power source and try restarting it that way, but I wanted to find Yiffy first because that’s going to take a while.” Her tone is challenging with the expectation that Rose will find fault with her priorities. 

Eventually, Jade will understand, but Rose has already made the attempt, and it’s not Rose’s obligation to convince Jade of the facts of the matter. If she wanted to pound her head against that sort of metaphorical wall, she’d still be talking to Karkat. “I see. Then I suppose I’d best go and get started.” She leaves without waiting for Jade to comment, already focused on the task before her. 

Rose has just the person in mind.


	8. Karkat

The moment Rose is gone, Karkat slumps into a chair. Fuck. Fuck her and fuck him. Mostly him. He knows he’s being stupid, that the man he’s mourning right now isn’t actually dead, but he can’t seem to stem his tears. Because Rose was _right_ , damn her. Whether or not Dave is alive now, he was _dead_ for a _month_ , and he never _noticed_.

Not only is he still a shit commander, he’s a shit friend. 

Of course, he already knew both of those things. 

He hears the door opening but doesn’t look up to see who it is. “If this isn’t an emergency,” he says, doing nothing to hide how hurt and angry he feels because he just cannot find the energy to bother making the attempt when it’s going to fail anyway, “then you can just fuck off.” 

Silence. Then the door shuts. “I don’t believe I will.” 

Karkat wipes his eye on his sleeve. “Why are you here, Kanaya?” While he’s still pissed at her, too, she’s one of his oldest friends, his _oldest_ friend now, and they’ve been through too much for him to just dismiss her like she's one of his lackeys. He owes her so much more than that. 

“Rose told me I should come see you,” she says, and he hears her approach. “I believe she doesn’t want to talk to me about… her progeny, but I would also like to think she didn’t want to leave you in such dire straits as well.” 

“Then you’re giving her way more fucking credit than she deserves, like always.” Karkat is expecting the touch, but he still starts when he feels Kanaya’s claws in his hair. While she’s not his moirail, she is the only one he allows to take these kinds of liberties. He sighs and lets himself relax as her claws ghost his scalp. “What happened to us, Kanaya?”

“What do you mean?”

What _does_ he mean? He feels calmer already, no longer leaking like a defective pipe, and he takes some time to consider his earlier question and why he might have asked it. Oh. Yes. “Why did we ever get involved with humans? I seem to recall expressly forbidding it.”

Kanaya hums, amused. “I fear they were simply too tempting, with their sarcasm and their flagrant disregard for even the most common of sense.” When she speaks again, she’s more solemn. “I should have told you about Dave. I apologize.”

Karkat tilts his head up. Kanaya’s gaze is off in some middle distance, but her expression is pensive, and he feels like an asshole. Sure, he’s still pissed about being lied to, but it was only for a month (though it no doubt would have been more time if not for John’s big mouth)—Kanaya was lied to for over a _decade_ , and here he is, acting like a wriggler. 

He puts his hand on her arm. “It’s… It’s okay, Kanaya. I know how convincing Rose can be.” 

She shakes her head dismissively, her hands leaving his hair. “Yes, she can be convincing, but I should have told you anyway.” Her eyes are sad. “I am my own troll, you know. I’m not utterly beholden to Rose and what she wants.”

Sometimes, Karkat doesn’t believe that. He wishes he could bring himself to tell her so, but he never does. Instead, he’s no better than Rose. It’s a good thing they aren’t actually moirails, because he’d be a shit one of those, too. “I know.” 

“Then accept my apology on its own merits or not, and don’t deflect my responsibility for my actions onto Rose.” Kanaya is standing tall and staring down at him defiantly, her arms crossed over her rumble spheres, daring him to devalue her words again. She looks beautiful and confident in a way he hasn’t seen her be in a very long while. 

He sits up himself so he can face her head on as she deserves. “Fine.” He considers her apology and finds it lacking enough detail for him to accept as is. His own theory for the question he’s about to ask rears its head, and he feels wounded all over again. “Why did you agree not to tell me? Despite what Rose thinks, I could have handled it.”

“That was one of Rose’s reasons, yes,” Kanaya says, sounding a little disappointed, “but that was not my reason.”

Karkat scoffs. “Then what was it? Because I’ll tell you, Kanaya, I am fucking sick of other people deciding they know what’s best for me.”

“In your position, I would be as well.” Her imposing stance relaxes, and her expression softens. “Rose did not mean to tell me at all, however, even she could not take the death of her own brother without shedding a few tears, and Jade was similarly devastated by the loss. She and Jade had already decided not to tell you, and Rose asked me to help them keep the matter secret.” 

Kanaya looks away, her mouth turning down at the corners. “She gave me her reasons, which I am certain she has already shared with you, and I disagreed. Whatever you and Dave were or weren’t, you needed to be told.” She shakes her head. “We discussed the matter at length, the three of us, and I felt pressured to help maintain a united front despite my own convictions. I finally did agree to keep the secret in a moment of weakness which I have regretted ever since.”

Her eyes meet his. “When I needed to be strong, I was weak, and I am sorry I could not find the strength to do the right thing by you in this instance.”

“Oh.” Karkat blinks, fresh tears threatening to well in his eye. He’s caught between feeling touched that she’s serious enough about her apology that she’s willing to admit to weakness and feeling ashamed that he’s been so unwilling to be as honest with her as she’s just been with him. She deserves a better friend, a better not-really-a-moirail-but-might-as-well-be-a-moirail-for-all-the-fucking-difference-it-makes, and he wants to do something, anything, to make things right between them.

“Karkat?”

Right. _Focus on her apology first, idiot. Then you can decide how you’re going to do the right fucking thing by_ her _for once!_ It takes him a moment to collect himself enough to speak. “I… Fuck.” He’s not off to a great start. “Yes, I forgive you, Kanaya.”

Her smile is brilliant and genuine. Kanaya has complete control over her skin these days, but it’s easy to imagine it’s just a little brighter as well. “I am relieved.” She uncrosses her arms. “I should go. Rose is waiting for me.” Then she turns to leave

And he can’t let her go like this. Karkat is on his feet and latching onto her sleeve like an anxious wriggler. “Wait.”

She twists around enough to look down at him, her smile becoming concerned. “What is it?”

Put on the spot and without a prepared plan, Karkat’s mind refuses to supply him with the words to say. “Just… just stay for a minute, please.”

Kanaya studies him a moment longer. “Certainly,” she says, turning back to face him head on. “What is this about?”

“Come here,” he says, gently guiding her back to sit in the chair he’s just gotten up from. She goes with him willingly enough, though she’s clearly confused, and he’s grateful she’s humoring him. He’s never been strong enough to physically force Kanaya to do anything—few people are. 

Once Karkat has her settled into the chair, it occurs to him that he’s never done this with her before. Another strike against him. He looks at her perfectly styled hair and shakes his head before getting to his knees. He stretches his hand up to touch her cheek, and she bows enough to let him, though her eyes are wide and surprised. 

The flesh beneath his fingers is cool. Even now, it’s tempting, so tempting to just let this go as he’s done so many times before, but he can’t. He refuses to continue to let these feelings fester inside him, threatening to turn the pity he feels for this troll to contempt. He owes her so much more than that. “I’m worried about you.” 

Kanaya stares at him, still surprised even as she relaxes against his palm. “I… I appreciate that, but there is no reason for concern,” she says quietly. “I am perfectly well and plan to remain so.” A slight smile. “One of the advantages to being a Rainbow Drinker.”

Karkat can’t quite hold back his sigh, using his thumb to stroke her cheek. “That’s… that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what?”

This is it. He’s already in prime papping position and she is his oldest friend, but the prospect of angering her is still one to approach with caution. While Karkat has proven time and time again that he can hold his own against impossible odds, Kanaya could break him in half. Effortlessly. And this whole conversation is going to piss her right the fuck off if he isn't careful. 

"Karkat, what is it?"

But he can't keep her waiting forever. “That thing you said before,” he begins, easing into the subject as carefully as he can, because now that he’s committed himself to having this very important, very necessary conversation with Kanaya, he’s realizing he probably should have taken some time to decide the best way of going about it rather than jumping right in and flailing around like an imbecile, but it's way too fucking late to introduce sense into this mess he's in the process of creating, “about how you’re not beholden to Rose and what she wants?”

“Yes.”

Karkat feels her jaw tightening, and he brings his other hand up, too, settling in between her legs to reach better. He’s staring at her middle now, where the hole is, where the symbol of how badly he’s already failed her is hidden, and he can’t bring himself to look up at her face. “I don’t… I don’t always believe that.” He is not cringing; he is not afraid of her reaction. Definitely not. 

“No?” Her voice is quiet, and he flinches despite himself when her hands settle on his shoulders and her legs press against his sides. Though her anger is quiet and subtle, it’s palpable, and she has him well pinned. It’s simultaneously terrifying and comforting to be here with her like this: Kanaya is the one person he trusts above all others, but a troll's rage can come on fast. 

“No. You let her walk all over you, and I hate to see it, Kanaya. You can be pissed with me, if you want, but I’m… I’m not going to keep quiet about it anymore.” When her only response to this declaration is to bend down to bring her head closer to him, Karkat's blood pusher pumps a little easier. She's still angry, yes, he can feel the tension in her even as it eases under his minstrations, but she's willing to take the papping, and that means she's probably not going to turn on him if he keeps going. He's already gone this far, so he might as well really dig in, because he knows Kanaya isn’t going to let them have this conversation again. “Like this latest bullshit with Yiffany. Aren’t you fucking furious?”

“Who is to say I’m not boiling with rage about Yiffany?” Kanaya returns without heat. It’s probably been a while since she’s gotten a proper papping, and he feels another stab of shame. “And I could ask you the same question: aren’t you fucking furious? You took all of this extremely well, much better than I was expecting.”

Yes, his own reaction to the news had been fairly understated: Jane had finally gone fully on the offensive, the girl in question had been in trouble, John had been making a mess of everything, and no one had time for his shitty feelings. Least of all, him. Later, well, later he’d had to clean up John’s mess and offer the human a sympathetic ear so they could all move on and had gotten another mess shoved unceremoniously into his lap. And then another. 

But his relationship with Jade had never been as close as her relationship with Dave or Kanaya’s relationship with Rose. So, yes, if he thinks about that clusterfuck of a situation, it hurts a little to know he apparently didn’t mean that much to Jade despite Jade being the one who pulled _him_ into Jade and Dave’s relationship, but it’s not the same at all. “I _am_ fucking furious. I’m furious for you and for Dave. That’s enough for me.” And Kanaya is changing the subject. “You’re just going to let Rose get away with this?”

Kanaya’s claws dig into his shoulders, not enough to hurt, but enough for Karkat to redouble his efforts. She sighs beneath his palms. “No. When I leave here, I plan to discuss the matter with Rose. I would have done so earlier, but I simply have not had time enough with her alone. I will air out my grievances, she will respond to them in whatever manner she seems fit, and if her response is satisfactory, that will be the end of the matter.”

“And if it isn’t?” Karkat demands, incredulous. “What happens then?”

“Then we will discuss it further until both of us are satisfied by the outcome,” Kanaya says firmly.

Karkat can just picture it now: Kanaya explaining over and over why Rose should be sorry, and Rose refusing to apologize until Kanaya is worn down enough to believe that Rose didn’t actually do anything wrong. He growls in his throat. “Until she can convince you she has nothing to be sorry for, you mean.”

“It won’t be like that,” she argues, but Karkat can hear the doubt in her tone. 

“It _will_ be like that.” He struggles not to shout because their heads are so close together now, and she doesn’t deserve to be shouted at. “So many times, I let shit go because I felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything, and maybe it still isn’t, but you can’t just let Rose manipulate you like this.” 

“What would you have me do, Karkat?” Her hands leave his shoulders to cup his own cheeks, and she gently eases his head up so his eye has to meet hers. They’re sad and shiny. “I cannot leave her like you left Dave. I am not strong enough for that.” 

Karkat wants to duck his head, but Kanaya’s hold makes that impossible. He wants to deny that her leaving Rose would be anything like when he… left Dave, but he can’t do that either. His leaving Dave didn’t have anything to do with strength, and as much as he hates seeing Kanaya cave to Rose again and again, he wouldn’t wish this empty pit in his biscuit on anyone. 

“I don’t… I don’t want that either,” he says. “I don’t want you to leave Rose.” And he means that—as pissed off as he is at Rose, he doesn’t hate her, and he knows that her love for Kanaya is probably as genuine an emotion as Rose is capable of. “You and Rose belong together, I just… it’s frustrating to watch you bend for her every fucking time. She should bend for you once in a while. It’s not fair.” Immediately, he feels like a wriggler. “I mean—” 

Kanaya smiles before lightly pressing her lips to his forehead. “I know.” She moves her hands, and suddenly Karkat has been pulled up into a tight hug. Another light kiss. “I know.”

Again, she’s comforting _him_ instead of the other way around, but he can’t escape her hold, and he doesn’t want to to hurt her or her feelings by trying to. He’s really no better than Rose when it comes to taking advantage of Kanaya, is he? “From now on, I’m calling this shit out when I see it,” he says, the words muffled against Kanaya’s rumble spheres. “I’ll do it right to Rose’s smug face, too, if you want. You can fucking count on that.”

She chuckles, and it sounds wet. “No, I think Rose would enjoy that far too much, which would rather defeat the purpose.” He feels her chin rest between his horns. “I truly do appreciate your concern and your candor, and I would… I would like to do this more often. If you are willing, of course,” she continues, her words suddenly uncertain, “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Karkat wishes she had no reason to sound uncertain, but she does: he’s pushed her away often enough. His quadrants are a mess, have always been a mess, and he’s never been willing to risk fucking up what he has with Kanaya by letting her into them. But what does he have with Kanaya, exactly? A one-sided moirallegiance where he’s always taking and never giving back?

Fuck that. If that’s the only way he can have her, he doesn’t deserve to have her at all.

“Anytime you need me, I’m here, Kanaya.” He leans back enough so he can look up at her stunned face and feels wounded on her behalf. “I want to be here for you, too, like you are for me.” He looks away, ashamed. “I’ve been a really, really shitty friend, and I want to do better.” 

A cool hand turns his face back so he can see Kanaya’s cautiously hopeful expression as well as her tear bright eyes. “You mean…” she trails off, suddenly suspicious. “What do you mean?”

She deserves to have it plainly stated, even if Karkat already feels himself flushing like a wriggler confessing to his first pale crush. It’s so stupid: he’s an adult now, has been for quite some time, and it’s not like he expects to be shot down, although he really has it fucking coming for being such a selfish asshole. “I want to be your moirail, if you’ll have me.”

Her smile radiates happiness, and Karkat wishes he’d done this sooner. “Of course, I will.” She tilts her head, her smile fading a bit. “But… why now after all this time?”

Yeah, he should have expected that question. “We’ve basically been moirails in everything but name,” he says reasonably, trying to hide his own nervousness, “and talking to you about Rose has made me realize that I’m no fucking better when it comes to treating you the way you deserve to be treated.” He attempts a nonchalant shrug and has never been more certain that he looks like an idiot. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to get my head out of my nook.”

Kanaya regards him for a long moment, her eyes searching his. He doesn’t know what she’s looking for, but she apparently finds it. “I forgive you,” she says at last, her voice solemn. Then she’s hugging him close to her again. “I will have to inform Rose of this development, of course, but I do not believe she’ll mind.” 

It’d be the height of fucking hypocrisy if she did, frankly, and he’s about to say so when Kanaya nuzzles him. He finally finds the wherewithal to return her embrace. “We don’t deserve you, Kanaya,” he mumbles, unable to hold onto his anger. 

“No, you don’t,” she agrees with a lightness in her voice which wasn’t there earlier. “You are both extremely fortunate I have such a weakness for flighty broads and insufferable pricks. I will allow you to determine which of those you are for yourself.”

Karkat has to laugh at that. 


	9. Dave

Dave has not slept since becoming his Ultimate Self (™), but he has also spent uncountable lifetimes climbing his way back to consciousness, so waking up is simultaneously alien and familiar. The ceiling he’s suddenly staring up at is entirely _un_ familiar. He sits up and looks around. Small room. Lots of signs of Jade’s space fuckery. 

He gets off the small cot and realizes his shades are missing. Fuck. What happened? He remembers talking to Rose and Kanaya about… about… Oh. ~~Oh God.~~ Yeah. _That_. He sort of lost his cool there for a minute. Or several minutes. Or more like exactly 45 minutes and 23 seconds. ~~Holy shit.~~ He still can't believe ~~they'd do that to him~~ that he'd acted so fucking uncool. Fuck. 

Even now, it's hard to think about. ~~Jade cheated on him, cheated on him _and_ Karkat with Rose! Rose!~~ It's not every day you learn you've been cucked by your own sister. There's probably something ironic about that ~~but he's not interested in appreciating the irony of his situation right now~~. He can admit to himself that he's still ~~furious and devastated~~ not feeling totally chill, but it's not that important--sad sack him probably had it coming.

~~Looks like Jade never needed him either. Did she ever really want him, or did she stay because she'd felt sorry for him?~~

Still uncool of them though. Dave remembers those times sad sack him had thought about cheating on Jade. Never ~~wanted to hurt her that way, the way she and Rose just hurt him~~ had the balls to do it, but he'd thought about ~~running to Karkat, begging for his forgiveness, begging for any scrap of affection he could get from him~~ it more than ~~he wants to admit~~ once. 

Dave rubs his face ~~, surprised to find it dry~~. Okay. Okay, that's enough farting around; he's got an Apology Tour to continue, and he can't get it done from here! ~~Maybe if he apologizes enough, they'll all love him again.~~

After a brief detour to a closet, he's out in a hall of sorts. More space fuckery. He idly wonders what would happen to all the shit Jade's fucked with over the years if she died. Would it stay the way she left it or would it all revert to however it'd been before she touched it?

~~He wishes he could hate her, but he can't. He could never hurt Jade, even though she's hurt him.~~

Dave wanders down the hall at a leisurely pace in no particular hurry to get anywhere ~~because the longer he can put off seeing Jade _or_ Rose, the better~~. It's not like he knows the layout or where anyone in need of a bonafide Dave Strider apology is. He's sure he'll run into someone _eventually_ \--this place can't be _that_ big.

And he _does_ run into someone: Yiffany. She looks pissed right the fuck off, but she stops snarling when she sees him. Her ears go back flat against her skull like Jade's do when she's feeling guilty. ~~He wonders if Jade ever felt guilty about cheating on him.~~

"Hey, Yiffy." Then he reconsiders. "Is it chill to call you Yiffy? Like is that nickname on the table or is it your berserk button?"

She looks startled for a moment before a slight smile curves her mouth. "Nah, that’s fine. Mama calls me Yiffy, too." 

"Sweet." 

"Are you okay now?" Yiffy crosses her arms tightly across her chest. "I stuck around after, uh, Auntie Kanaya told me to bail, so I caught the show."

 ~~Shit.~~ "Totes," Dave assures her. “It ain’t a thrill to know I didn’t fit the bill when the bitch had an itch, and I lost my chill like a Jack whose Jill ran up the hill to jump in the sack behind his back which is whack. I ain’t gonna kick back and take up the slack, no sir! It’s a blur, and it can’t be disputed I needed time to compute it, but now I’m so fucking chill, I’m ill.” 

Now that the flow of rhymes has stemmed, Dave realizes he’s almost missed the opportunity for an apology. “Sorry you had to see all that go down, by the way.”

The confused expression Yiffy had adopted for the impromptu freestyle makes way for the kind of grudgy anger only teenagers can pull off. "I’m not. A lot of shit that never made sense did all of the sudden.” She stares at him, through him ~~like Rose so often did~~. "You're not what I expected.”

Dave wishes he had his shades ~~so he could hide behind them~~ so he was at max levels of coolitude. He’s just going to have to make do. “If sad sack me’s the only me you’ve ever heard of, I can believe it. I’ve undergone a serious upgrade pretty fucking recently.”

Yiffy wrinkles her nose. “I… don’t know what that means.”

“Right. Didn’t really get into it with Rose and Kanaya, did I?” Ugh. Exposition strikes a-fucking-gain. He just needs to get everyone in a room together so he can explain all this shit _once_ instead of going over and over it again like a scratched record! 

“Long story short: I’m Ultimate Dave, and I’m made up of a whole bunch of Daves, including the lame-ass Dave you _were_ expecting. Which means, technically, I’m him, too. So, whatever you’ve got to lay on him, you can lay on me. I’m on a whirlwind apology tour right now, so if you’ve got a pound of flesh you want to digest, this is your opportunity to sink your teeth in.” 

A curious dog-style head tilt. “Okay.” She seems to be considering something before baring her teeth. ~~It is not a smile.~~ “I hated you for years.”

Well, he wasn’t expecting _that_ ~~or for it to hurt as much as it does~~. “Oh, I hated myself for years, too,” Dave says ~~too~~ easily. “When I was sad sack me, I mean. I’m way too fucking cool to be hating on myself now that I’m Ultimate me.” ~~He’s never stopped hating himself.~~ He realizes he’s veered off topic--this is about Yiffy and possibly another apology he can make. “Was there a, uh, particular reason you hated me? Like did Jade smack talk me or something?”

“Oh, no,” Yiffy says, her voice sing-songy with barely controlled rage. “No, mama had _nothing_ but nice things to say about you. You _and_ Karkat. About how I was going to live with you someday. That the four of us were going to _be_ together like a real family, and I’d never be lonely again because you and mama would always be with me.” Her eyes are dry and piercing. “Then, all of the sudden, mama never wanted to talk about either of you. I heard her tell mom that it wasn’t ever going to happen. Because Karkat was gone, and _you_ decided you didn’t want children after all.” ~~She doesn’t say ‘You decided you didn’t want _me_ ’ but Dave hears it.~~

 ~~Oh fuck.~~ Dave remembers when Jade would badger him and Karkat about adopting a kid, ~~how terrified he’d been of the prospect of getting the opportunity to ruin a kid like Bro had ruined him~~ but then Karkat left ~~him~~ them behind, and Jade stopped bringing it up. This… this is a lot to apologize for, and he knows ~~it’s never going to be enough to fix this~~ he’s up to the task, but he waits to see if Yiffy has more to say first. 

She does. 

“You ever hear of Ms. Paint’s Boarding School for Inconvenient Girls?” When Dave only mutely shakes his head, she says, “When I was twelve, mama and mom packed me off to live with a bunch of strangers, because I’d started acting out. I was so fucking pissed off about being alone, I couldn’t even enjoy the few visits I _got_ anymore.” She growls low in her throat. “And I thought all this shit, being alone, being forced to go to Ms. Paint’s, being angry at mama and mom, was because of _you_. Because _you_ didn’t want _me_ to be a part of _your_ family.”

 ~~What the actual fuck?~~ “What the actual fuck?” Dave whispers. ~~That is so fucked up!~~ “That is so fucked up!”

A shrug ~~that’s more like huddling in onto herself~~. “Yeah. But, see, I understand now,” she says, her tone hard and sharp. “Mama never even _told_ you about me in the first place. So, all that time I spent thinking about what I would say to you if we ever met was just a big waste of my fucking time, because that asshole never actually existed.” 

~~How can he possibly fix this?~~ “I’m so fucking sorry,” Dave says, his voice ~~full of sorrow and guilt~~ a lot less cool than usual. “Holy shit, Yiffy, that’s totes whack. If I’d known _you_ were what Jade was always blathering on about when she kept trying to convince me to adopt a kid, I would have told Jade, fuck yea, let’s do--” 

Yiffy’s cold stare ~~makes the rest of the words die in Dave’s throat~~ is hella hardcore. Like she could front an old Earth punk band or something. “Do you mean that? You really would have said yes?” The derision in her voice doesn’t quite hide the faint hope there.

Dave doesn’t have a heart anymore ~~, but if he did, it’d be breaking right now~~. Yeah? Of course he doesn’t have a heart anymore--he’s a robot. What a weird fucking thing to think right now. ~~What’s wrong with him?~~ Holy shit, focus, Dave! “Yeah, I would have.” 

Her eyes light up momentarily before she’s frowning again. “That doesn’t make any sense--if you’d wanted a kid, you _would_ have said yes before! So, do you really mean it, or are you just feeling guilty because I’m standing here in front of you?”

~~He wishes he’d earned being able to comfort her with a hug or a hair ruffle or any of the other little touches he’d wished Bro had given him.~~

And Dave knows what he has to do. Fuck. If there’s anything worse than exposition, it’s trading tragic backstories. Though, he guesses she’s already given hers, and she’s owed a lot of back-payments of contrition. Maybe he didn’t place the order, but he’s the motherfucker footing the bill right now. He doesn’t sigh, but he wants to: this is going to be so fucking uncool.

Yiffy is still staring, and every second he spends dithering makes her look ~~like she’s going to start crying~~ like she’s gonna bail, and he can’t let that happen. So, he’s just going to have to suck it up and make with the backstory already.

“Okay, so what you gotta understand about that is that the jack-off who raised sad sack me (and most of the mes in here) was an abusive asshole who kept swords in the refrigerator and smuppets in the microwave. I was hip deep in puppet dong for the first 13 years of my life, and I didn’t even know how _fucked_ up that was. I don’t even _want_ to get into the rooftop sword fighting with actual shitty katanas.” One good thing about not sleeping anymore: ~~no more nightmares~~ more time to spend slicing fruit like a badass.

What? 

Dave shakes his head. God damn, but he’s been fucking scattered lately. Maybe being in space was easier on the electric doodads that make up his brain. Introspection is like the opposite of irony, but he’s starting to think he’s got ~~some kind of serious problem~~ a screw loose somewhere. After he apologizes to Jade, he’s gonna have to ask for a tune up or something. ~~He thinks he can still trust her enough for that.~~

“Yeah, okay, so your childhood sucked, too.” Yiffy is def unimpressed. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Oh, yeah. Impatient youngster. “I don’t know _shit_ about how to raise kids without fucking them up, and sad sack me was scared shitless by the idea of being responsible for fucking up a rando kid who probably already had a shitty hand dealt to them since they were in a fucking orphanage to _start_ with.” He looks away from her, ~~unable to bear the weight of her stare~~ to… see if there’s anything interesting on the floor. There isn’t. Huh. “Anyway, if Jade had told me the kid she wanted us to adopt was _hers_ , I would have taken that chance, because…”  


This other stuff had been easy in comparison. Now, it’s time for the hard shit. He rubs the back of his neck. “This is… like, don’t tell anyone, but I always low key high key wanted a family, because I never really got to have one when I was growing up.” Then he found one ~~but didn’t get to keep it for very long~~.

“That’s all I ever wanted, too,” Yiffy says, ~~hugging herself~~ crossing her arms more tightly. “Guess mama fucked it up for both of us.”

Yeah, Jade’s kind of fucked the pooch on this one, hasn’t she? Dave’s always been ~~weak~~ a fucking sap when it comes to Jade, so he’s surprised he's actually ~~able to acknowledge being~~ kind of really pissed at her now that he's got more of the deets. He might even be feeling pretty fucking rancorous. Yiffy's just a kid; she doesn't deserve this shit.

Again, ~~he wishes he could comfort her~~ he doesn't know what to say. Less than biznasty of him, he knows. But not knowing what to say has never stopped him before, and it won't stop him now. “You’re, uh, pretty steamed at her, huh?” 

Yiffy's eyes widen with disbelief. "You think? 'Steamed' doesn't even _begin_ to cover this bullshit!" She stands tall, hands on her hips. "She's been trying to corner me, but I'm not interested in listening to pretty excuses. She can go fuck herself for a while. Least she deserves for lying."

There's fire in her eyes again, Dave feels a burst of ~~affection~~ admiration for her fucking moxie--she’s not going to take _this_ lying down ~~like he did~~. "That’s totally fair. You got a super raw deal. Fuck, send that shit back to the kitchen so Gordon Ramsey can scream at the chef; it ain't even warm in the middle. Fucker can’t hack Hell’s Kitchen and is getting her ass sent home.” 

She’s looking at him like he’s grown another head. He’s pretty sure that isn’t something he can do, but he’ll keep an eye on it. “What?” She shakes her own singular head. “Yeah, I know I got a raw deal, but you did, too, you know? You can’t tell me you’re not pissed.”

 ~~He’s way more than just ‘pissed’.~~ “Sure I’m pissed,” he says, keeping his tone cool ~~with effort~~ , “but I’m a grown ass Ultimate Self in a robot body who is on a righteous mission from Otherkat to get back in tight with the dweebs I used to know, and that means I gotta make nice on this whirlwind apology tour.” He shrugs in the face of Yiffy’s skepticism. “Besides, sad sack me probably had this coming anyway. There was a lot of shit I never told Jade either.”

Yiffy arches an eyebrow. She’s really a chip off the old Rose. “Did you have a secret kid, too?”

This question startles a laugh out of Dave. “Nah, nothing like _that_. I never cheated on Jade.” ~~Except in his heart.~~ “Anyways, I don’t want you to use me to be mad at Jade--you’ve got your own reasons. But you can’t stay mad at her forever.” This last is less a statement and more of a ~~plea~~ question.

Maybe Yiffy _can_ stay mad forever. Maybe she'll _die_ mad about this--Rose and Jade are great at holding fucking grudges, and the more and more Dave interacts with Yiffy, the more and more he sees them in her. 

But it will be really ~~sad~~ stupid if Yiffy loses what family she has because ~~of him~~ she can't locate some chill.

"Watch me," Yiffy declares boldly, though the words lack the necessary bite to be for serious. Then she sighs. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll forgive her: she’s my mama! But I think I have the right to be mad for awhile.” 

“Dope.” He’s so fucking relieved ~~Yiffy’s not going to estrange herself from her mother~~ Jade isn’t going to have _this_ to use against him.

Her gaze becomes appraising. “Do you…?” Although Dave’s only known of her existence for a scant hour and a half, he can tell that she’s uncharacteristically uncertain. She scuffs a boot against the dirt floor. “Do you still want one? A family, I mean.” Her pale cheeks flush. “Because I think… I think I’d like you to be part of mine. You know, if you want.”

Dave can’t cry, and it’s a good thing he can’t, because if he could ~~he’d be bawling happy tears like no tomorrow~~ this moment would be a metric ton less cool. “Fuck, yeah!” he exclaims before remembering he’s ~~supposed to be~~ too cool to make a fuss about mushy shit like this. That was _way_ too ~~honest~~ unironically eager. “Yeah,” he tries again, playing it chill, “I would be down for that.” He holds out his hand and makes a fist. 

Yiffy ignores the proffered fist bump and jumps right into a hug. Oh! Okay, this is happening. She’s smaller than Karkat, her arms less crushing, but just as warm. He feels her face press against his chest. 

Fuck, his hug quota has been maxed out and then some today! His quota being zero, because chill guys like him don’t fuck with such unironic faggotry, ~~but he’s missed this~~. Physical affection is ~~so fucking magical~~ so fucking gay. ~~He lifts his arms and returns the hug.~~ His arms are around her now, in case she, like, slips or something? ~~_Really?_~~ He’s got to watch his incredible robot strength though: doesn’t want to crush his brand new family member like a grape.

“Oh! There you are,” a quiet voice exclaims softly. 

Dave looks over Yiffy’s head to see none other than Tavros Crocker. While it’s been a long, long time since Dave’s seen him in person, there’s no mistaking that boy for anyone else: Pure Harley-English/Egbert-Crocker through and through. Same dark, swoopy hair; same buck teeth; same baby face; and same shitty eyesight which require lenses you could start a forest fire with. “S’up, Tavros? Looking for me?” He lets his arms fall back to his sides as Yiffy steps away ~~, already missing the contact~~. 

“Uh… no, actually.” Tavros regards Dave with almost solemn scrutiny. Of course, most of what Tavros does is solemn. At least, Dave _assumes_ that’s still true-- ~~he’s missed so much of this kid’s life~~ the kid’s still got that kind of creepy Children of the Corn stare going he used to have as a littler Tavros. “Aunt Rose sent me to find Yiffany because... Aunt Jade couldn’t find her. It was a rather… surprising request considering that… I’ve only just met Yiffany today? So… I don’t know much about the kind of… places she might choose to hide in, and I’ve never been here before… I think I may have gotten myself lost... But here she is… and here you are.” A small smile. “It’s… it’s nice to see you again, Uncle Dave… even if you're… a robot now. Harry Anderson said… you were dead.”

Harry Anderson. ~~Dave feels another pang in his nonexistent heart~~ Dave wonders if he’ll run into HA tonight, too. He hopes so: he needs to give him ~~a hug~~ an apology. “Reports of my death are totally right on the money. The whole story of how I went from sad sack me to scoring this sexy robot bod will have to wait until I can get the entire ensemble assembled, but I’ll tell you this much: you’ve got the Ultimate Dave standing in front of you. Accept no substitutes.”

“Oh… Okay… I don’t know what that means... but I will keep it in mind.” He gives Dave another quizzical look. “I’m… I’m glad you’re not dead anymore.” An aborted step forward before he starts wringing his hands, and Dave ~~wants to wrap Tavros up into a hug, too~~ wonders what’s up with the little guy. Then he turns his attention to Yiffy. “Will you… come back with me, Yiffany?”

Yiffy rolls her eyes. “No. Mom can go fuck herself, too. Or maybe she and mama can go fuck each other, since they’ve already done it once!, and have another secret kid they can leave on an island.”

Tavros looks scandalized. 

Dave laughs, but he carefully nudges her shoulder. “I get you’re still teed off like Tiger Woods at your moms, but don’t take that shit out on Tavros. He’s good people, even if his mom’s like Hitler-lite.” 

She’s definitely pouting now. Dave expects her to keep arguing, so he’s surprised when she sighs heavily and says, “FINE. Fine, I’ll go see what she wants, but I’m not going to cut her an inch of fucking slack either.” She stalks away but stops short after a couple steps. “Well, are you coming or not?”

Dave glances at Tavros. The younger Crocker is looking at him, but looks away immediately, clearly nervous, though ~~Dave isn’t sure why~~ that’s probably still his default state. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll come with. I gotta have some more words with Rose anyway.” ~~She and Jade have a lot to answer for.~~


	10. John

John walks aimlessly through halls that all look the same, his frustration with Jade fading away. She’ll figure out he’s right soon enough, and then she and Dave will both have to decide what happens next. He’d like to think Jade will be willing to admit her mistakes and not just accept Dave’s apologies without making some of her own, but he’s not as sure about that as he’d like to be. There was a time when he felt confident he knew what Jade would do in most situations, but that was a long time ago. Another lifetime ago. 

He’s not surprised when such melancholy thoughts lead him right into the useless feeling instead of distracting him. He’s practically begging to feel useless, and boy, does he ever feel useless right now. Feeling useless is second nature to him at this point, but the contrast the heady high of earlier in the day when he’d felt _so_ certain he was actually contributing something worthwhile and emotional pit he’s just jumped in… it’s depressing. 

And John has some familiarity with depression.

Though, he’s not sure how much of the hopelessness he feels is depression or that canon/not canon thing Rose was trying to explain to him. He doesn’t really get it, but he does still feel disconnected from the world at times despite his efforts to be more present, still has that undeniable sense that none of what’s happening around him matters because none of it is _real_. Sometimes, he’s not even sure _he’s_ real.

He does his best to nip that feeling in the bud when he feels it coming these days. For over a decade, he’d let himself drift along, feeling unreal and disconnected, and he’s not going to do that anymore if he can possibly help it. Because maybe this world _isn’t_ real in the ‘canon’ way (whatever _that’s_ supposed to mean): that doesn’t mean what happens here isn’t important or that the people who exist around him don’t matter!

And if he’s wrong, and none of this is real enough to matter, John doesn’t want to know. He’d rather live a lie than live in a world where his son and nephew don’t really exist. There’s no reason to stick around otherwise. 

It’s been getting easier, though, to carry on like the world is real. The fact that he’s grieving for Dave means that Dave is real, right? The fact that he’s pissed at Jade and Rose for being the stupidest smart people how knows means _they’re_ real, doesn’t it? The fact that he loves his son and his nephew is enough to know that they matter. 

It’s slow, but it’s progress. 

Just like his journey through this base. Finally, he leaves the samey halls behind and winds up back in the kitchen area. Jade is sitting at the table, alone, looking forlorn. She glances up at him, but the hope in her eyes dies immediately, leaving her disappointed. “Hi, John.”

“Hey, Jade.” Although he’s still mad at her for Dave’s sake, she’s his ecto sister, and he’s not gonna just walk on by while she’s so glum without _trying_ to stick his nose in. “What’s the matter?”

Jade tilts her head, a suspicious ‘why should _you_ care’ expression on her face. “I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not.” John sits down across from her to her evident surprise. It’s been a long, long time since that three year ride on the golden ship, but he still misses the closeness he and Jade used to have back then, before John had to use his zappy powers to fix everything. He would absolutely do it again, but he wishes the sacrifice hadn’t been something so dear.

Then again, he supposes it’s not much of a sacrifice if it doesn’t hurt. “Come on, you can tell me.”

Jade stares a moment longer before shaking her head and hiding her face in her crossed arms. “Yiffy’s mad at me,” she mumbles to the table. “Kanaya and Karkat are mad at me. You’re mad at me. I _think_ Rose is mad at me, too, but who can tell with her? And all of you think that stupid robot is Dave.”

John swallows down his immediate urge to defend Dave’s… Daveness. “You understand why we’re mad though, right?”

She lifts her head up enough to glare at him. “I’m not stupid, John.” After a moment’s hesitation, she rests her chin on top of her arms with a sigh. “It’s not any of Karkat's business, or _yours_ , you know. This is between me, Rose, and Kanaya.”

“And Dave,” John pipes up, unable to keep silent about it any longer. 

“Dave’s dead,” Jade insists. “He’s dead, and I’m not going to argue with you about it.” Before John gets the chance to decide whether or not _he_ wants to argue about it, she goes on. "Before you ask, no, I haven't gotten it running again--I need to find it's power source and do a manual reboot, and it's going to be a pain, and I wanted to talk to Yiffy first." A definite challenge in her words now. 

A challenge John’s not interested in taking up because what she said about Dave just now? That doesn't sound encouraging. "A manual reboot?"

Jade nods slowly, losing steam in the face of judgement free curiosity. "There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it, no burnt wires or anything like that, so I'll try rebooting it to see if that fixes the problem. Unfortunately, there wasn't an obvious on/off switch, so shutting it down to start it up is a little more complicated."

As much as he’s tinkered with programming over the years, computers have never been John’s strong suit. “So, he’ll be okay once you do that?”

A shrug which indicates Jade’s level of disinterest. “Maybe? Like I said, there’s nothing physically wrong with it.” She buries her head in her arms again. “I’ll text you once it’s up and running, okay?”

“Thanks.” John hesitates. While he’s obviously been dismissed, he hates to leave Jade like this. Apology Tours are bullshit, but he feels like this is a good time for an apology anyway--it’s long, long overdue. “I’m sorry, Jade.”

She jerks her head up, startled. “What? What are you sorry for?”

The unfortunate thing is that this apology requires a lot of set up; the fortunate thing is that John has nothing but time right now, and Jade seems to be in the same boat. “We never talked about it, because we had a whole lot going on with the final battle and the you being unconscious for most of it thing, but… I’m not your John.”

Jade is frowning. “I know that,” she says stiffly, sounding a bit insulted that she had to. 

John doesn’t wince, but it’s close. Of course she knows that--that’s half the reason he’s apologizing in the first place! “And you’re not my Jade.”

“And Roxy’s not my timeline’s Roxy,” Jade finishes, definitely annoyed now. “Do you have a point?”

“Yeah, I do,” John assures her. 

“Then get to it, please.”

“Okay.” He thinks on what he wants to say. “During that three year trip on the golden ship, my Jade and I… we got really close.”

Jade blinks, her cheeks turning red. “Wh-what? I know that version of me dated Davesprite, but… I mean, _we_ dated, _too_?”

“No!” John realizes his answer has come out a little panicked, and makes an effort to moderate his tone. “No,” he says again, more calmly. “No, nothing like that. I meant, we got close like a normal brother and sister.”

Jade seems relieved before her expression becomes pinched. When she speaks, her resentment is unmistakable. “Really touching, John. Just what I want to hear—that you and some other Jade got to have what I wanted that whole time I was hurtling through space alone, mourning you and Davesprite for three years.” She bows her head. “Why are you telling me this now? Are you, what?, trying to hurt me because you’re still mad?”

Fuck balls. John has never been good at this kind of thing, and he hasn’t improved any in the meantime. He might actually have been better at talking to people back when he was thirteen than he is at thirty nine. “No, I wouldn’t do that.” He hates how skeptical she looks. “Okay, so, I’m telling you now because… I know you don’t think Robo Dave is Dave, but like I said before, he’s got this idea that he needs to apologize to everyone. And that’s not entirely wrong, but it’s made me realize I have things I should be apologizing for, too.”

Confusion has joined the skepticism but she remains silent.

“I didn’t really understand at the time what I was doing when I was changing everything,” John says slowly, almost explaining it to himself as much as he is to Jade. “I wasn’t a time guy, and my zappy thing doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, honestly. A real deus ex machina. So, I didn’t realize things would be different between you and me until I spoke with you and realized I didn’t _know_ you, not like I did before. And you didn’t know me either. Because you weren’t _her_.”

“I could have been,” Jade says quietly, her tone a mixture of sullen and sad that pierces John’s heart. “You know how many times I tried? I tried so hard to get close to you, but you never acted like you wanted me around. You were still my friend, but you didn’t seem to want to be my brother.” A bitter smile. “Lately, it barely seems like you even want to be my friend.”

John wishes he could deny any of that, but he can’t. “I know.” He rubs his hand over his mouth, thinking about where to go from here. “I… It’s not an excuse, but I missed my Jade a lot. I missed how close we were, and seeing you just reminded me that she was gone.” He looks away from her and her abruptly guarded expression. “I mean, it sounds stupid now that I’m saying it, but I didn’t want to replace her with you."

He waits for a snarky ‘Yes, that _does_ sound stupid.’

Jade doesn’t say anything.

That’s fine: he deserves the silent treatment, and he has more to say, even if he feels like he’s only digging himself a deeper hole with every word. “And after I got over _that_ , I did think about getting close to you again, but I wasn’t in a good place by then, and I knew it’d never be _exactly_ the same between you and me as it was between me and her. I just didn’t…” he trails off, realizing he’s rambling. “I never knew how to explain it, and then I had a hard time believing _anything_ mattered at all.”

Still nothing. 

If he were just a little braver, he’d turn his head and look. But he isn’t, and he doesn’t. He realizes too late that this is a lot to lay on Jade right now, all things considered, but it’s way too late to take any of it back now. Not that he wants to; he just wishes he’d pulled his head out of his butt sooner. 

“I don’t blame you if you don’t want to accept my apology, and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me. I’m not sure _I’d_ want to talk to me. But I do mean it: I’m sorry I never reached out to you and wasn’t receptive when you reached out to me. It wasn’t fair to you, Jade. Even if you don’t remember those three years the same way I do, you’re still my sister, and I love you. I’m sorry I never made that clear, either.” He closes his stinging eyes. “I want to do better, if you’ll let me.”

Silence. Then the sound of Jade getting out of her chair. 

Oh, that’s fair. John guesses he shouldn’t be surprised she doesn’t want to be around him for a while. Then arms are draped around his shoulders, wrapping him in a strange kind of half-hug, and a heavy head is resting on top of his own.

“You’re so dumb, John,” Jade says happily, her voice thick with tears. “So fucking dumb.”

John laughs, feeling close to tears himself. “Yeah, Jade, I know. A dummy is me.” He reaches up a hand to place it on Jade’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Jade hugs him just a little more tightly. “Thank you.”

Even though there are still unresolved issues between them, this feels like a good start. A warm, happy moment that John will enjoy as long as it lasts. True to how his life has played out since the Game, it doesn’t last long. 

“Heir of Breath!” 

John jerks in his seat, opening his eyes to see a troll, teal in the face with exertion, running up to them. No one he recognizes, but then most of the people he knows who also know him don’t call him by his title like this. “Yes?” he asks, as Jade’s arms slip away from his shoulders. “What is it?”

The troll stops and bends at the middle to catch his breath. “They need your help,” he says to his knees. After a few more gasps, he stands upright. It’s hard to tell because he’s still teal in the face, but he looks nervous. Probably the way he’s not looking John in the eyes. “I just got a message from the Troll Kingdom: they can’t put the fires out, because the emergency services are down. I remembered seeing you earlier, and I was hoping you could help them?” 

There’s no question (there is some guilt, but there’s also no time for that). John stands and turns to Jade. “Probably should go let Karkat know where I am, if he’s not busy.” 

Jade looks distinctly unhappy, but she nods. “I’ll tell him. Just… just try not to do anything stupid.”

“That’s going to be pretty hard for me, but I’ll do my best,” John returns, grinning. Then he nods to the troll. “Tell me where I need to go.” Once he has his directions, he wastes no time exiting the safehouse/cave and flying off in the direction of the Troll Kingdom. Already, he can see the fires. It’s been a while since he’s used his powers for anything, let alone anything important, but they’re a part of him, and he has them mastered. Putting fires out will be easy. 

With any luck, _this_ foray into usefulness will be more successful than his last.


	11. Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for all the strike through in advance.

During the walk back to wherever Yiffy’s leading them seems as good a time as any to lay his apology on Tavros. “Tavros?” When Tavros acknowledges the hail with a quiet, ‘Yes, Uncle Dave?’, Dave says, “I’m sorry I didn’t, like, do anything to help you when you were younger. Like your whole family situation was fucking whack.” 

Tavros frowns. “What… what would you have done to… help?”

Dave’s never been a plan kind of guy. “I could have, you know… Like, maybe I should have helped John kidnap you during HA’s birthday party. I’m starting to think he had the right idea about that shit.”

Tavros blinks like an owl behind his glasses. “Oh... um... well, thanks for that thought. I think I would have liked being kidnapped, honestly, but I… understand that would have been pretty drastic... and people probably would have gotten… hurt because of me.” He’s wringing his hands again. "I'm not that important."

 ~~Oh, fuck _that_.~~ "Oh, fuck _that_. That's bullshit. You're totes that important." He reaches over and ~~ruffles his hair like he used to when he still acted like Tavros’ ‘Uncle Dave’~~ messes with Tavros’s hair for being such a mini-dweeb. “At the very least, I should have socked Gamzee in the jaw. That fucker had it coming.”

A shy smile. “I know… I know Uncle John was worried about… Uncle Gamzee, but it really wasn’t… that bad.”

Dave notices Yiffy’s ears have turned back towards them and briefly thinks maybe they should wait to have this convo, but Dave needs to know ~~if his building dread is justified~~ how badly ~~he~~ sad sack him fucked up. His hand slides from Tavros’s hair to his shoulder ~~to remind himself that whatever happened, he’s here for Tavros now~~ in case Tavros trips on the uneven floor. “Wasn’t that bad?”

“No, it wasn’t… Nothing… really happened.” Tavros is silent for a moment. “It was occasionally… awkward when Uncle Gamzee forgot who I… really was. He was… more than a little mad, you know? Forgot things a lot... Apparently he and my namesake were… red for each other… so…” He bites his lip. “It didn’t happen a lot… you understand… But he would sometimes… kiss me in a… not especially Uncle like way.”

 ~~Fully justified dread and rage thrum through him.~~ That Tavros can be so fucking nonchalant about this shit is so disturbing, Dave wants to grab him by the shoulders and ~~hug him close forever~~ shake him until he realizes that this is a way bigger deal than he’s making it out to be. Holy shit. Like, yeah, the smuppet shit with Bro had been pretty fucked up, too, but ~~at least Bro had hated him enough not to want to touch him at all, let alone like _that_~~ it was a completely different flavor of fucked up than _this_ is.

~~He never thought he’d be grateful that the only time Bro wanted to touch him was with his sword.~~

“It doesn’t… matter anymore…” Tavros continues, heedless of ~~Dave’s impending freakout~~ his audience’s response, “because he’s… dead now. Though… I rather hope he stays that way… and doesn’t come back like you, Uncle Dave.” 

“If he does, I’ll rip out his spine through his troll urethra and shove it up his waste chute.” Dave is not shocked by his vehemence, ~~some things are worth losing your cool over~~ some things are worth losing your cool over. He shakes his head slightly at the feeling of deja vu— ~~why does this keep happening?~~ must be that loose screw rattling around again.

Tavros blinks up at him. “That’s both… terrifying and disgusting, Uncle Dave… but… thank you.”

“What he deserves for messing with one of my two favorite nephews like that.” Dave gives Tavros’s shoulder ~~what he hopes is a comforting squeeze~~ a briefly better grip before releasing it—Tavros seems pretty steady on his feet, all things considered. “So, Gamzee’s dead? How did that happen? I thought that fucker would never die.”  


The story is piecemeal and second hand, but Dave gets the jist: Gamzee’s dead and Vriska killed him. Dave’s pretty shocked that Vriksa is what managed to finally make Gamzee meet his maker, but the story makes a lot more sense when it turns out that the Vriska Tavros is talking about is actually Vriska 1.0 and _not_ Rose and Kanaya’s clone daughter. Because, while Vriska 2.0 is scrappy ~~from what he remembers—he hasn’t exactly spent much time with _her_ lately either~~, Gamzee was a fucking _tank_ , and Earth C isn’t the same kind of crucible Alternia was. 

~~Thank us.~~

Still, as glad as he is to hear that Gamzee’s finally fucked off the mortal coil, Dave’s less than stoked to hear that Vriska 1.0 is on Earth C, strutting her stuff. It’s ~~low key terrifying~~ going to be high key unbearable having to talk with her again, but at least she’s one bitch he’s _positive_ he doesn’t owe any apologies to. 

~~Dave wonders if Terezi managed to find her before she died, because she must be dead if Vriska’s here and she isn’t.~~ He feels a rush of ~~sadness and shame that he hasn’t thought of Terezi for years, and that he’ll never have the chance to make things right with her~~... he’s not sure, actually? Nostalgia, maybe? That kind of you can never go home again feeling? Weird to be feeling that about Vriska of all people, but sure, why not? Anyway, he wonders if Vriska’s changed at all from the last time he saw her. 

That much he isn’t going to get to find out for a while, seeing as both she and Vriska 2.0 have been captured. No. Fuck that, Vriska gets to be Vriska and Vriska gets to be Vriska 1.0. Vriska was here first. The point is they’ve both been captured, Vriska and Vriska 1.0, though Tavros didn’t catch many details on how that happened, exactly.  


Once Tavros runs out of story and steam, Yiffy joins in to tell them both how she totally desecrated Gamzee’s corpse at his funeral (something that Tavros seems to appreciate). When Dave asks why she’d gone to that fucker’s funeral in the first place, the explanation he gets makes him just that much happier he has nothing to apologize to Jane for. 

Except for not punching her in the face sooner, maybe. Though, maybe that’s an apology he owes the whole world, and he’ll be sure to make up for _that_ inexcusable dereliction of duty the moment he’s face to face with her again. Not that he expects to be face to face with Jane any time soon, but weirder shit has happened already tonight. 

Like, he’d never expected to be face to face with an alternate Karkat outside of a Dream Bubble either, and _that_ happened, too. He wonders ~~if Otherkat would be proud of his progress~~ where Otherkat came from where ~~he and his Dave were together~~ he was still so young. Although he’d faded away, he hadn’t _felt_ like a ghost ~~, too warm and alive~~ … 

Then the story moves onto Yiffy’s dramatic rescue, and Tavros’s part in it.

“I… almost thought mother wouldn’t… agree to give Yiffany back,” Tavros was saying, rubbing his neck nervously. “I knew Aunt Kanaya wouldn’t… really hurt me, but it was quite… terrifying.” He hesitates. “I wish there… had been a way to tell… papa that I wasn’t… in any real danger.” His expression darkens. “I still don’t… understand why he went back… to mother like he did.” 

“He’s the guy who called out for you, right? Jake?” At Tavros’s slow nod, Yiffy’s hand drifts up to her own neck, drawing attention to the faint red marks that Dave now knows are from a shock collar. “I’m glad he was there; I don’t think I’d have gotten away from Jane without him.”

Tavros looks startled, disbelieving. “What? Really?”

Yiffy seems confused herself. “Yeah. I didn’t get what his deal was at first. He kind of acted like he was her lackey? Jane yelled at him almost as much as she yelled at me. Then he gave me mac and cheese in a dog food bowl and kept talking to himself. It was weird.” She shakes her head. “And later when Jane wasn’t around, he came by and fucked with the shock collar. It still stung like a bitch when she used it on me, but it didn’t knock me the fuck out like it did last time.” Her voice goes quiet. “He let go of my leash at the funeral, too.”

“Oh.” Tavros smiles ~~sadly~~ , like ~~he thinks he should be happier than he is~~ he’s dazed. “That’s… I’m glad he… helped you.” His eyes stray downwards. “I wish that wasn’t… such a surprise for me.”

Yiffy’s eyes meet Dave’s, pleading for something. 

Dave has no idea what she wants from him. She’s claimed him as a part of her family, but he hasn’t gotten the family telepathy yet. He’s pretty sure that’s a thing. Still, he hates to see Tavros looking ~~so glum~~ down at the floor. What to do? Lighten the mood! But how? “So, what I’m hearing,” Dave says after a moment, “is that I _shouldn’t_ punch Jake in the face the next time I see him?”

A sudden burst of laughter from Tavros. He’s still grinning when he recovers. “Please don’t… do that, Uncle Dave. It probably… wouldn’t hurt him… much, but he’s… sensitive.” He’s serious again ~~but not the same melancholic that he was before~~. “I think having… people hate him… makes him more upset… than getting hit.”

 ~~Dave wonders how Jake’s kid can sound so certain of that.~~ Dave wonders ~~what he’s seen~~ what ~~went down in that household~~ Jake’s doing now? He shakes his head at the odd thought. This is getting ~~hard to ignore~~ ridiculous. “Noted. In that case, I definitely _won’t_ punch your dad.” He decides not to mention how he’s definitely going to punch Tavros’s mom if he gets the chance. 

“Thank you, Uncle Dave.”

A sudden stop. “Mom’s here,” Yiffy says, pointing to a door that looks like all the other doors they’ve passed. She sounds less than stoked, but she knocks on the door anyway. 

A faint, “Come in!” from inside. Rose. 

Dave is ~~not even slightly~~ prepared for this. Totally. Whatever’s going to go down, he’s got that shit on lock. Definitely. ~~He’s not ready to face her.~~ He knows just what he’s going to say to her. ~~Does she even care that she hurt him?~~ He’s not intimidated at all by her or her ability to twist words around. Not him. ~~How could she do that to him?~~ He’s Ultimate Dave, and he’s got absolutely nothing to worry about. 

He’s so busy with these self-assurances that he doesn’t realize the door is open until Yiffy drags him through it.

Rose seems momentarily surprised to see him, and she sets her book down on the cot beside her. “Dave,” she greets as she stands, “I’m glad to see that Jade has managed to get you back into working order.” She _does_ sound glad, but ~~her hands are tightly clasped in front of her stomach~~ her stance is oddly stiff. “We _do_ have a lot to talk about, but I need to discuss something in private with my daughter first, if you don’t mind.” Without waiting for a yay or nay on the minding, she turns to Tavros. “Could your Uncle Dave back to the—”

Yiffy, who has not let go of his arm since she grabbed it earlier, adjusts her hold on him, wrapping her arm securely around his. “Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Dad.” This declaration is made so matter-of-factly that it takes Dave a hot mili-second to realize the meaning of what she’s said. Something inside him feels ~~warm~~ weird.

Rose peers at Dave. “Taking up the mantle of fatherhood a little late, aren’t we, Dave?”

It’s one of those little jokes that aren’t jokes Rose loves so much, and Dave’s not here for it right now. He knows she probably isn’t actually looking to ~~upset him~~ piss him off, but he’s never been less fucking amused. ~~She’s the last person who should be saying shit like that to him.~~ “Fuck off, Rose. It isn’t _my_ fault I didn’t know she existed until an hour and fifteen minutes ago.”

She considers him in that cool way which ~~always makes him feel exposed~~ makes him wish he hadn’t lost his cool ass shades. “I suppose you believe it’s _my_ fault then.” She shakes her head. “Unfortunately, I cannot take all of the blame for that decision.” 

For all that Rose likes to pick apart other people’s brains, even Dave has managed to pick up over the years that Rose will absolutely refuse to admit wrong-doing if she can possibly talk her way out of it. An apology from Rose is like a fucking unicorn for how rare they are. “Can you take the blame for the decision to leave her alone on an island? Or shipping her off to some weird-ass boarding school?”

Rose purses her lips. “Your ire is more appropriately directed toward Jade. In both of those instances, I was not the one who made the final decision.” She crosses her arms and somehow manages to stare down at him despite being shorter than he is. “As for any decisions _I_ made which hurt you, I… I don’t believe we should have an audience for that particular discussion. Do you?” 

Fuck. ~~Yep. That still hurts.~~ Dave hates that she’s ~~so cavalier about it~~ so fucking smug, and he hates even more that she’s right: this isn’t something he wants to talk about in front of his nephew and brand new daughter. He blows out a breath he didn’t need to take in. “Fine. Fucking… Fucking fine; you win, Rose.”

“I’m so gratified,” she says flatly. “As I was saying before, I have a few things to discuss with Yiffany, and while I appreciate that you are now taking the role of her father in this, I still need to speak with her alone.” She looks to Tavros. “Why don’t you take Uncle Dave back to the kitchen?”

Tavros shifts nervously where he stands. “I… don’t know where… that is, Aunt Rose.”

“Just say what you want to say to me,” Yiffy demands, clearly out of patience and clearly unconcerned that Tavros is still here for this. “Tell me that I’m not being fair.” Her hold on Dave’s arm tightens. “Tell me how ungrateful I’m being. Tell me I don’t have a reason to be mad at mama. Lie to me, like you and mama always do.”

Rose endures the onslaught without blinking. “I cannot speak for your mama, but I will speak for myself.” She’s momentarily still before closing the distance between her and her daughter, reaching for the hand that’s not involved with Yiffy’s hold on Dave. 

Yiffy lets her take it, her snarl defiant, her eyes confused. 

For several seconds, Rose seems content to just hold Yiffy’s hand between her own. When she speaks, she sounds as unaffected as always, though her expression is soft in a way which reminds Dave of ~~how she’d looked at him right before the Tumor exploded~~ … a nice steak. ~~What?~~ You know, tender. ~~Jesus.~~ “For all that you consider me to be a mother to you, and insofar as that is literally true, I have not held up my end of that bargain particularly well.”

Rose’s eyes never leave Yiffy’s widening ones. “I have abdicated my responsibility to you on many, many occasions under the pretext that, having given birth to you, my duties toward you were fulfilled in their entirety. For quite some time, I considered you fully Jade’s child, and not mine, and I was happy to do so. Even after I became more a part of your life and upbringing, I did not feel as though I owed you anything more than my occasional presence.”

Dave feels Yiffy trembling next to him. Shit. He doesn’t know where Rose is going with all this, but it doesn’t seem like it’s helping. The last thing he wants is for Yiffy to ~~cry~~ lose her cool. “Rose, I don’t think—”

“However,” she interrupts, not even glancing at Dave, “recent events have convinced me that I have not been honest with myself nor with you. I have not been a good mother to you, and you deserved more from me than I was ever willing to give you.” A pause. “For that, you have my deepest, most sincere apologies, Yiffany.”

Tears are dripping down Yiffy’s cheeks ~~and Dave wishes he could do more to comfort her than just stand next to her while she tries to take his arm off in the least effective way possible~~ , but she actually seems more stunned than anything. 

Dave’s fairly stunned, too: Rose said she was sorry? No justifications, no excuses, just a straight up apology? Forget Otherkat appearing out of nowhere and disappearing like the fucking ghost of Christmas past, _this_ is the miracle of the night! “Holy shit, Rose.” 

“Did you, do you even… Do you even love me, mom?” Her voice is soft, pleading. 

~~And it’s just about the saddest thing he’s ever heard get said.~~ And it’s just about the saddest thing he’s ever heard get said. He wants to say something, anything, but ~~he’s terrified of making this worse somehow~~ he can’t get those parts of him to cooperate. The fact that Rose does not answer right away makes him feel like he’s watching ~~Yiffy’s heart~~ something fragile ~~that he cares about~~ hurtling to the floor to shatter on impact.

Finally, Rose nods. “More than I thought I did.”

This does not strike Dave as a very comforting answer. 

Yiffy seems to agree. “What, what does that mean? Do you love me or not?”

“I do.” At least her answer is less ambiguous this time. “It wasn’t until I almost lost you that I realized how much.” When Yiffy pulls her hand away to wipe her face, Rose lets her, watching her closely. “I am not asking for your forgiveness,” Rose continues after a moment of silence, only broken by Yiffy sniffling, “merely stating the facts of the matter.” 

As much as he’s got no business dealing with emotional biz because he’s Ultimate Dave and that shit is ~~too much to handle~~ hella gay, it occurs to him in this moment that Rose is even worse at it than _he_ is. Which is kind of amazing in the most terrible way possible. “Are you actually going to be a better mom after this, or are you just going to keep pulling whatever the fuck you had going before? Because this jerking Yiffy around shit needs to stop.”

Rose looks up at him, a small smile teasing her lips. “I’m glad you’re taking your new responsibilities seriously, Dave, but this is between me and Yiffany.”

Dave’s only been officially a dad for four minutes and fifteen seconds, but he knows bullshit when he hears it. “No, Rose, that’s like the _opposite_ of how this goes down.” He moves to put Yiffy behind him, and she allows it, still clinging onto his arm. Her docileness only cements the feeling that ~~he needs to do some motherfucking dadding~~ he needs to do some motherfucking dadding. “I might not know everything about my ‘new responsibilities’, but I know I’m supposed to stand up for her when she can’t.”

“Always such a knight.” The words are dismissive, but there’s something in her eyes. ~~Something shiny.~~ “I admit, your worries regarding my future conduct toward Yiffany are justified in light of my past conduct. However, if I may finish what I’ve started here, you will better understand my intentions.”

“Just tl;dr it,” Dave says, annoyed now. Even for Rose, this is getting way too wordy.

“Of course.” Rose’s eyes focus on Yiffy. “To put it plainly: I can’t be for you what you want me to be.”

“Mom?”

She brushes a hand over Yiffy’s head, through her hair, and Yiffy sighs into Rose’s palm. “It’s not fair to you, you’ve no reason for gratitude, and you have every right to be angry with your mama and me. However, I will never lie to you again or make promises I cannot keep, so please believe me when I tell you that I _do_ love you. I do, and if you’ll have me, I still want to be part of your life. But I can’t be your mother: I haven’t earned it, and I’m not capable of giving you what you need.”

Rose pulls her hand back, a tear welling from her eye to trace a line down her cheek. She looks calm and collected even so, but Dave knows that this is as close to ~~a full on emotional breakdown~~ losing her chill as Rose gets. “You’ll find your mama in the kitchen.” 

Yiffy’s crying in earnest now, and Tavros looks from one adult to the other for some kind of sign of what to do. 

Seeing as Rose has just ~~broken Yiffy’s heart~~ shit the bed, responsibility-wise, it seems as though the role of responsible adult has fallen onto Dave. ~~Shit.~~ It’s okay: he’s got this. Totally. “Jesus, Rose,” he says, wanting to say more but knowing he needs to get out of here before ~~he says something he can’t take back~~ Tavros starts bawling, too. ~~Not that he’d be doing much better if he _could_ cry.~~ “Jesus.”

“Yes, I believe those facts have been well-established.” Rose doesn’t wipe her cheeks or turn away. “Go on, Dave. We… we can discuss our business later.”

Dave ~~is feeling so many contradictory emotions, doesn’t even know how he feels~~ feels strange. Disconnected, almost. ~~He’s so furious with her but concerned for her, too. Proud of her for admitting her faults but disgusted she would choose _now_ to pull this avoidance shit.~~ Kind of like he felt after he found out ~~Rose and Jade cheated on him and never told him what they’d done~~ he’d been cucked by his sister. ~~It’s too much; it’s overwhelming; he can’t do this.~~ He shakes his head sharply, hoping to dislodge the loose screw fucking with his robo brain ~~before he freezes again~~. “Let’s get out of here,” he says to Tavros and Yiffy, his artificial voice rough.

As soon as they’re back out into the hall, Yiffy tucks herself against his chest, and Dave wraps his arms around her, ~~trying to give her as much comfort as his cold metal arms can provide~~ to keep her from sliding down his smooth robo bod. She’s sobbing, and Dave feels ~~helpless~~ nothing. 

“Is… is she going to… be all right… Uncle Dave?” Tavros is wringing his hands again. 

Dave doesn’t ~~think so~~ know. ~~Her mother~~ Rose just ~~threw Yiffy away~~ decided to bail, and Dave ~~can’t think about it~~ doesn’t ~~want to think about it~~ know ~~how to deal with this~~ what ~~he can do to fix this~~ to ~~say to make Rose change her mind and take her daughter back~~ do. “Sure,” he manages. He’s nearing ~~a breaking point~~ the end of his patience for this touchy feely bullshit. ~~Bullshit.~~

“Are… _you_ going to be… all right?” 

Tavros is ~~very perceptive, isn’t he?~~ a ~~good kid~~ worrywort, and Dave’s not ~~even a little bit fine~~ sure ~~if he _is_ all right~~ how ~~much longer he’s going to be able to function~~ to ~~explain how close to the edge he is~~ respond. “Yeah. I’m five. by fucking. five. Never. better.” His speech is like his thoughts: ~~slow and stuttering~~ totally ~~jacked up~~ cool and smooth.

“Yiffany,” Tavros comes closer and taps her on the shoulder. “Yiffany… something’s... wrong with Uncle Dave.”

Yiffy starts at his touch but steps back out of Dave’s arms. Her face is tear streaked, her nose is running, and her expression is abruptly ~~concerned~~ a different expression. “Dad?”

 _Dad_. It feels ~~right~~ weird. Makes him feel ~~needed~~ weird. Dave sees how ~~worried~~ squinty she is and wonders ~~what’s wrong~~ if it’s too dim in this hallway. “That’s me. Your dad. I don’t. know why. you want. me for. a dad. Karkat. would be. a bet. ter dad.” He remembers a conversation he’d had a long, long time ago, back before Karkat ~~abandoned him~~ left. One of the times Jade had been ~~begging~~ badgering them to adopt ~~Yiffy~~ a child. “He would. n’t throw. you in. the mi. crowave. Trolls don’t. eat bab. ies. That’s xen. opho. bic.” 

She wipes her eyes on her arm before using the neckline of her shirt to blow her nose. ~~Gross.~~ “Shit. Come on, Dad,” she says, taking hold of Dave’s hand, tugging on it the moment she has her fingers curled around his palm, “let’s get you to mama before I lose you, too.” 

“It’s… going to be… all right, Uncle Dave,” Tavros says ~~unconvincingly~~ , hovering at Dave’s side. “Aunt Jade… is a wiz with… machines.”

“Fuck yeah. she is,” Dave agrees. “I can’t. trust her. not to. lie to. me, but. I can. trust her. not to. fry my. brain.” He ~~hates how flippant he sounds about this~~ hopes it’s not ~~too late~~ going to ~~hurt this time~~ be much further. He ~~is scared~~ doesn’t ~~understand what’s happening to him~~ know ~~how much time he has left~~ if ~~Jade can fix this~~ he can ~~trust Jade enough to let her try~~ keep going much longer. So, ~~this is it~~ fucking ~~pointless it all was~~ lame.

“Keep going, Dad, we’re almost there.”

He can do this. He can do this. He can do this. He. can. do. this. He… can… do… this…

~~Sorry, Yiffy.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, I am not bashing Rose *sobs*


	12. Tavros

Uncle Dave falls to the floor with a thud, nearly taking Yiffany down with him. His eyes are dark, and he doesn’t respond when Yiffany pats his cheeks. Just like what happened earlier when Uncle John was the one attempting to rouse him. 

“Shit.” While Tavros can’t see Yiffany’s face, he doesn’t have to to know she’s getting more and more upset the longer her efforts don’t come to anything. “Shit!”

Tavros feels useless, hovering over them, because he is in this situation. In a lot of situations, really. As startling as Uncle Dave’s sudden shut down is, he hasn’t forgotten what their goal in dragging Uncle Dave along was. “Maybe…” Yiffany snarls at him but immediately looks apologetic, so Tavros is pretty sure he only startled her, and that she’s not actually angry with him. Still, he needs a moment to regain his equilibrium. “Maybe… you should get… Aunt Jade and bring her… here.” 

Yiffany is silent for several seconds. “That’s a good idea,” she says at last, standing tall again. Her ears are flat against her skull, but she looks determined when she faces him. “You’ll stay and watch him while I get mama?”

“Of course.” Tavros decides not to remind her that he still doesn’t know where he is and therefore has little choice. 

She hesitates a moment longer before literally turning tail and running ahead. 

Then it’s just him and Uncle Dave. 

Tavros sits down next to him. Uncle Dave looks much different now that he's so still. It's rather disturbing, honestly. Yes, he’d realized his Uncle was a robot now, but it had been easier not to think about when Uncle Dave had been moving and speaking like a real person. Now, he can see the smaller details he’d been able to ignore: the small rivets in a face that is just too symetrical (and too young), the solid dark red pits of eyes that are solid and locked into a permanent non-expression, the delicate looking points of articulation in the hands and fingers. 

Although he doesn’t know as much about robots as Aunt Jade, his father showed him a lot about them over the years. Uncle Dave looks sophisticated from the outside, and if he's what he seems to be, fully functional AI copy of the real thing, the insides must be sophisticated as well. The question is why someone would take all that sophistication and make an AI copy of Uncle Dave to run it.

 _If_ this Uncle Dave _is_ an AI copy, which is not at all a certainty. Though Tavros isn't sure what else he _could_ be, an AI utterly indistinguisable from an actual human is unprecedented on Earth C. Being ‘unprecedented’ isn't the same as being ‘impossible’, of course, and it's certainly _possible_ someone went to the trouble of creating an astonishingly competent copy, but though he calls himself ‘Ultimate Dave’, Uncle Dave does seem to think he’s the real thing.

Hypothetically, it’s possible that Uncle Dave the AI could have been programmed in such a way as not to realize he’s not the original article, but a lot of things are possible hypothetically. The problem with hypotheticals is that they can only take you so far before they stop being helpful. This whole line of inquery has been incredibly unhelpful thus far.

Thinking about the mystery of Uncle Dave’s current existence is not distracting enough to keep him from worrying about his future existence.

Perhaps asking why someone would go to the trouble of making a copy of Uncle Dave’s _mind_ is the wrong question anyway. After all, whether Uncle Dave is an AI or something else, someone had to build the robot body _itself_ to begin with, right? And there had to be a reason for that. ‘Why’ is impossible to answer without knowing ‘who’.

So, who built it?

From what Uncle Dave had said concerning his circumstances, about ‘scoring’ his robot body, it doesn't sound like he made it for himself. Uncle Dave isn't known for that sort of thing anyway, not like his father and Aunt Jade are. Aunt Jade had seemed surprised to see Uncle Dave when she'd come out with Commander Vantas, so Tavros doubts she built the body either. He supposes it’s possible this could be his father's work, though if it is, he can’t imagine why his father would want to build a robot version of Uncle Dave.

His memories are foggy, but he doesn’t think he and Uncle Dave were very close. 

There’s a seam along the hairline, no doubt where the skull cap comes off, and there are other seams here and there. No obvious on/off switches, but Tavros wouldn’t have expected to find something like that out in the open where anyone could hit it. During Uncle Dave’s fall, the sash on his shoulder has shifted, revealing a peculiar symbol hidden there. Less than a square centimeter in size, it resembles a heart split in half.

Tavros frowns. It looks familiar in a way half-remembered things usually do. He bends down to peer at it more closely and notices something too tiny for him to tell what it is for sure underneath. Letters, perhaps? He squints, but they refuse to coalesce into anything he can decipher. Blast! Poor eyesight runs on both sides of his tragically incestuous family, so he’d never had a chance. 

He returns to his prior position, and wonders what the symbol means. A maker’s mark, maybe? Does Uncle Dave know about this mark? When Aunt Jade gets him running again, he'll have to ask. His frown deepens. What’s keeping Aunt Jade and Yiffany? He and Uncle Dave can’t be _that_ far from the kitchen area, can they? 

Unless Aunt Rose was wrong about where to find Aunt Jade, and Yiffany has to look elsewhere for her. Though, from what Tavros understands from overhearing his mother's complaints, Aunt Rose is rarely wrong about such things. Aunt Rose is a Seer of Light, which means that she knows things others don’t. 

It seems to Tavros, from what _he’s_ seen, whatever powers of sight Aunt Rose has, she doesn’t see what’s right in front of her very well. He’s only met Yiffany this very day, but he still feels terrible on her behalf. As much as his relationship with his own mother is strained (especially after her hesitation to trade Yiffany for his _life_ ), he can’t imagine what it would feel like to have his mother decide not to be his mother anymore. 

At least Yiffany has Uncle Dave now. Though he acts a bit strange and is a robot somehow, he’s well-meaning and kind. Sometimes that’s not enough, as Tavros knows from experience, but it’s better than nothing. Then again Uncle Dave seems to have more of a spine than Tavros’ own father if the way he spoke to Aunt Rose is any indication.

There’s movement beside Tavros, and he looks back in time to see Uncle Dave cover his eyes with his hand. “Fuck,” Uncle Dave says softly.

“Are you… all right now… Uncle Dave?”

Uncle Dave freezes before lowering his hand. His glowing eyes remain pointed upwards. “Fuck… I don’t know, Tavros.” His voice doesn’t sound stilted like it did before he fell, but he sounds lost. “Why does this keep happening? It’s fucking bullshit.”

Keep happening. “Is this what… happened before… with Aunt Rose and Aunt Kanaya?” He hadn’t seen much of what happened then until after the screaming started, and he’d been too nervous to ask Aunt Rose anything when she’d come to him for help finding Yiffany.

A slow nod. When Uncle Dave speaks again, he seems distracted. “There’s like a screw loose or something in my head, or maybe zero g was better for the doodads making up my robo brain. Shit’s been fucking weird up in here since I had that convo with Otherkat.”

“Otherkat?”

Uncle Dave groans dramatically. “Noooooooo,” he says, sounding like Vrissie. “I don’t wanna do exposition, Tavros!” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I keep meaning to get everyone together so I can just say all this shit once, but I just cannot catch a fucking break.” He sighs. “I came back to see how sad sack flesh me was getting on, which is actually kind of messed up now that I’m thinking about it: he’s dead, so I don’t know what I was expecting to see. I still don’t know how long it’s been since what went down went down, but he still looked pretty fresh. Anyway, Otherkat is some alternate timeline version of Karkat who was there, making crybaby eyes at my meat sack.”

This is… a lot of information. 

“I still don’t know what he was doing there, because he was pretty confused about it himself,” he continues, sounding annoyed, “but before he fucked off back to whatever timeline he came from, he tasked me with making up with all my friends. Made me realize that I, like, maybe shouldn’t have run off without saying goodbye, and maybe I _do_ actually want these nerds in my life.”

His shoulders slump. “This Apology Tour,” somehow, Tavros knows the term is capitalized, “hasn’t worked out like I thought it would at _all_ though. Seems like I’m just making shit worse every time I open my fucking mouth. John’s _grieving_ for me, even if he pretends he’s not. Karkat punched me in the face, before telling me he’s happy I’m alive—so who the fuck knows how _he_ feels? I don’t even _know_ what the fuck I’m going to say to Jade that isn’t going to end in an epic dumpster fire of a conversation. As for Rose, I’ve never understood the way she thinks.” 

“Like this bullshit with Yiffy.” He uncrosses his arms to throw them up. “Would Rose have reached her shitty epiphany about motherhood if I hadn’t been around to force the issue with my daddy act?” His arms lower back to his sides, and he sounds defeated when he speaks again. “What am I even doing here, Tavros?” A bitter laugh. “Oh, I know what I’m doing: I’m dumping all this shit on a kid like an asshole.” He turns his head to look at Tavros. “Sorry about this. This here is super uncool and fucked up.”

Tavros needs a moment to respond. There’s so much here! “That’s all right… Uncle Dave. I’m used to adults… venting at me.”

Uncle Dave shakes his head. “That doesn’t make this any cooler or any less fucked up, Tavros. Kids are supposed to, I don’t know, be kids or something. I wouldn’t know: my childhood was fucked seven ways to Sunday, and the first time I got to feel like a kid was when I was on my way to a final battle I fully expected to die in. The point is you shouldn’t have to worry about my bullshit.”

While Tavros is used to being used as a sounding board by his friends as well as his parents (and even Gamzee would take advantage of his ear every so often), he likes the idea of not having to be responsible for another’s ‘bullshit’ and ‘be a kid’. Of course, that’s clearly not an option right now. What he’s learned over the years is that adult problems are only different in terms of scale: the consequences are further reaching. 

With Uncle Dave as he is now, the consequences could be very, very dire. “Thank you for… trying to spare me from… your difficulties, but… I’m already… worried about you. So, you might as well… tell me what the problem is.”

“Tavros, that isn’t how this is supposed to work.” Uncle Dave puts a hand over his eyes. “Even if it was, I’m Ultimate Dave now: I shouldn’t need a teenager to sort out my problems for me—or anyone else for that matter!—, because I’m not _supposed_ to have any problems anymore. I’m supposed to be _over_ this shit.”

Despite his protests to the contrary, it seems to Tavros that Uncle Dave is not ‘over’ anything. “What are you supposed to be... over, Uncle Dave?”

Uncle Dave is silent for several long seconds then lowers his hand. “Let’s forget I said any of that,” he says at last, his tone cool in a way Tavros doesn’t remember hearing from him before now. He sits up in a smooth motion which makes him seem more like a robot than he has up to this point. “I’ve got everything on lock. I was acting like an emotional faggot for funsies. It was totes ironic.”

Tavros blinks. What a very rapid shift in attitude. In humans and trolls, such a sudden shift could mean something dangerous. He’s not sure what it means for a robot, but he doesn’t believe for a moment that Uncle Dave either has ‘everything on lock’ or that he was acting emotional before for fun. Even so, more cautious treading is in order. “If… if you say so.” He has other questions anyway. “You said you came… back to see your… body. Did you… die before becoming a… robot?”

“Yeah,” Uncle Dave admits with clear unwillingness. “I don’t want to get into that a whole bunch of times, so you’ll have to wait for the whole story along with everyone else. Suffice to say, sad sack me saw the opportunity to become something better and bigger than himself, and he took it. And here I am: Ultimate Dave.”

That doesn’t explain much, but at least Uncle Dave sounds more like himself again already. “You called yourself… ‘Ultimate Dave’ before… What does it mean?”

“It means I get to explain the fundamentals of my new existence over and over again for diminishing returns. Zero out of ten, would not recommend,” he complains. Then he sighs, running a hand over his hair. “Fuck, sorry, that’s not fair, is it? It’s not like _I_ knew what being an Ultimate Self was before I was one, so I really shouldn’t be fucking shocked no one knows what I’m talking about.”

Tavros is just about ready to attempt a prompt when Uncle Dave continues. “It means there’s a shit load of Dave’s in here, too much Dave for a flesh sack to handle. Before you ask, I can’t bring out the Dave you knew so he can talk to you. We exist as one being, that being being me. So, yeah, I’m him, but I’m also a lot of different Daves, too.”

It’s an outlandish explanation but also too straight-forward to question: the manbot sitting in front of him is an amalgam of different Daves. Somehow. And the reason that he is a robot is that a robot body was needed to contain this amalgam. A possible ‘why’ for the robot body’s construction, though the fact that the ‘who’ who built it apparently knew about this Ultimate Self business seems suspect. 

Putting together these clues is not enough to distract him from a rather discomforting thought. Uncle Dave is a part of this new amalgam that is Ultimate Dave, yes, but… well, the only way to know if his disquiet is justified is to ask directly. “Are you… Do you consider… yourself to be my… Uncle Dave?”

“Fuck yeah, I do,” he answers without hesitation. “Don’t worry: I ain’t gonna pull that Rose shit on you. I mean, I don’t really deserve to call myself your Uncle, if we’re being real, on account of sad sack me having zilch to do with you for fucking _years_ , but now that I’m taking some motherfucking responsibility for that on his behalf, you better fucking believe I’m your Uncle.” He reaches out and puts a heavy hand on Tavros’s shoulder. “You can take that shit to the bank and cash it.”

Tavros has to smile at the unequivocal declaration. While he doesn’t know what responsibilities are going to be taken to fill that role in the future, he’s glad that this Dave is still going to be his Uncle. “That’s good… to know.” It’s a little awkward how Uncle Dave’s hand is just resting on his shoulder, but the gesture is nice in a way, too, so Tavros decides not to mention it.

“Where’s Yiffy at?” Uncle Dave asks, looking around them. “Would have thought she’d be here.”

“She’s off… to find Aunt Jade… so she can… help you.” Uncle Dave is in a better mood now, and Tavros is curious enough to disregard the impulse to let the matter lie undisturbed. “Do you think… your problem is…,” how to put this in terms for a robot?, “hardware or software?”

Uncle Dave rubs his chin with the hand currently not on Tavros’s shoulder. “That’s a really good question. I mean, I guess it has to be a hardware thing, because I’m… Like, I’m a bunch of Dave souls in this machine, but I’m running this bitchin’ bod through the robo brain. So, if there’s a fuck up with my thoughts, that’s where it’s happening.”

A definitive answer on the AI question, even if Tavros doesn’t understand how that’s possible. “Your thoughts… are the problem?”

His eyes flash disconcertingly. “No.” Then he shakes his head. “Fuck. Maybe? It’s like… It’s like I’m thinking things but then don’t remember I thought them? It’s been really fucking weird, and it’s only gotten worse since I’ve gotten down here.” His hold on Tavros’s shoulder tightens a little. It’s not painful, but it serves as a warning.

Tavros licks his lips. He feels like he’s on the verge of something important, and if he backs off now, that something important will be lost. He is not one to take risks, generally, but some risks are worth taking. “Is it… happening now?”

“Oh, is it!” Uncle Dave exclaims. “Shit, I can barely keep track of what I’m thinking when I’m not talking. I guess Rose was right all those times she said that the shit I say just bybasses my brain entirely, because I can say all kinds of shit I can’t think about. Like the fact this is happening at all.”

That sounds incredibly disturbing. Tavros can’t imagine what it would be like not to be able to listen to his own thoughts and trust his own perception of them. It must be terrifying. “So… should you just… keep talking?”

Uncle Dave shakes his head. “I’m not sure you’re up for the unfiltered Dave Strider experience, Tavros,” he warns in a lighthearted sort of way which makes it not much of a warning at all. His hand is still on Tavros’s shoulder, but it’s back to resting there rather than holding on. “Shit could get too real here, and I think I just got through saying something along the lines of how you should be a kid and not worry about my shitty problems.”

“I’ll be fine,” Tavros insists. “We can’t do anything… until Yiffany comes back… anyway.” This might make Uncle Dave uncomfortable, but he would rather his Uncle be uncomfortable for a moment than suffer in silence. “I would rather… you talk than be… alone with your thoughts… honestly. What you’ve described… sounds terrifying. So… please, just… say whatever you want.”

Seconds pass before Uncle Dave’s shoulders slump. When he starts speaking, the words come fast, with a sort of desperate intensity. “Thanks for that, Tavros. You’re a good kid. I’m sorry I wasn’t around often enough to tell you that. I actually found you a little creepy when you were younger. Like, I know fuck all about what kids are supposed to be like, but I thought it was weird how quiet you were, though I guess I understand that better now than I did then. It must have been hard growing up in that house, no matter how much you claim nothing that happened was a big deal.” 

He pets Tavros’s shoulder awkwardly and a little too hard. “I still don’t know if I want to hug you or shake you. Hearing you say that shit about Gamzee all nonchalant like that really fucked with me, made me think about how fucking lucky I was that Bro hated me too much to touch me like that, and that’s not something you want to hear or something I feel good about sharing, but I’m kind of on a ramble train right now.” 

Considering that he’s a robot, it shouldn’t be surprising that he’s not pausing for a breath. “So, I’m sorry if I say something whack. I think it’s mad fucked up that your mom and dad inflicted that clown on you, and I know I promised I wouldn’t punch your dad, but I’d really like to punch your mom, no offense.” 

“None… taken.” Tavros supposes he can’t say he hadn’t been warned, though the sheer volume of words is somewhat overwhelming on their own without even considering their content. As for the content… he doesn’t know who ‘Bro’ is or how he relates to anything, but he does know that Uncle Dave is over-reacting about the Gamzee business. He carefully ignores how the few people he’s told over the years have similarly over-reacted. “I’m sorry… I caused you distress… but it really… wasn’t that big a deal.”

“That’s it,” Uncle Dave declares. 

Before Tavros can question what he means, he finds himself locked into a tight embrace. It’s cold at first, but as it continues and Uncle Dave continues to ramble on, Tavros can’t help but feel comforted by the closeness of the gesture. It has been a while since he’s been hugged like this. Even his father feels too guilty to do it much anymore.

“Hugging it is. This is super fucked up and whatever, but hugs are magical even if they are gay. And it’s fine that they’re gay, ‘cause I’m gay. This is totes worth super maxing my hug quota for, and if I say anything different, I don’t mean it. I say shit I don’t mean, too, which is like super fucking unfair. Can’t think what I want; can’t say what I want. Really cramps my style. What the fuck is wrong with me right now? I gotta say, I am not a fan.”

Tavros is about to interject and question this (which is going to be a struggle as Uncle Dave’s hold on him precludes much movement on his part, and his face is currently pressed to Uncle Dave’s shoulder), when he hears voices coming closer. It appears that Yiffany and Aunt Jade have arrived at last.


	13. Kanaya

For a while, Kanaya is content to stay wrapped around Karkat, pressing him gently against her. Over the sweeps, she’d stolen moments like this, whatever Karkat would allow before he inevitably pushed her away, and it had been enough to sustain her and give her hope of someday getting something more. 

She knew the story of their ancestors, seen the cave herself, but she hadn’t _truly_ believed any of it until she’d seen him in person. The second she’d clapped ganderballs on this red-hot ball of self-directed rage currently resting in her arms, she’d felt her blood pusher overflow with pity and knew it was fated. 

Unfortunately, the time just hadn’t been right. Kanaya had still been wounded from her moirallegiance with Vriska, and Karkat hadn’t been receptive to anything he thought would make him look weak while he’d been in the posturing phase of his leadership strategy. The closest they came to anything official was during the frog collecting, but even then, he’d been too… 

At the time, she’d thought he’d been too proud, but she realized afterwards he’d been too afraid to let anyone get that close, even herself. He hadn’t revealed his true blood color to anyone until just before the final battle, and while he’d put a brave face on it, Kanaya had seen the truth: he’d been absolutely terrified that nothing he’d done would matter, and that his hate friends would turn on him.

What he hadn’t understood, which Kanaya could have told him had she’d known his fears (as a proper moirail should!), was that he didn’t have hate friends anymore: he had friends. Even Equius had only cared in as so far as taking orders from Karkat was now even more ‘disgusting’ for him. 

That was all a long, long time ago now. So much has changed since those nights: neither Karkat nor Kanaya are the same trolls they were back then. Some of that change is due to time, naturally, but a lot of it… a lot of it is due to the human influence. Or rather, the influence of specific humans.

For Kanaya, that was Rose. For Karkat, though he refuses to admit it, that was Dave. Over the human years, Kanaya had tried to bring the topic up many times for Karkat’s sake, and Karkat would pretend that Dave didn’t matter to him. Karkat has many talents; lying has never been one of them. 

It was even harder for Karkat when Dave joined the Rebellion, but he’d still insisted, with pain in his eye, that there was no need to change anything about his relationship with Dave because they didn’t have one. Then Dave was dead, and it was too late to change anything. 

But Dave isn’t dead anymore. A miracle Kanaya has no intention of letting Karkat waste.

Kanaya feels calm and collected, and the body in her arms is limp and loose. Their official moirallegiance is new, but she feels confident that he won’t push her away this time. Of course, she’ll still need to ease into the subject: she understands how much it hurts to have a sore spot prodded. “I was quite surprised to discover that Dave is a robot now.”

No reaction at all beyond a tenseness she relieves with a strategic stroke down his support column. She’s rewarded with a soft sigh.

Honestly, this is already going better than the last time she’d tried to start a conversation about Dave which hadn’t involved his death. “He certainly seems more… lively than Aradia was when she was a robot.” Though the way he’d apparently shut himself down had been quite concerning. She decides not to say that part; it’s off topic, and she has every confidence in Jade’s ability to set Dave right again.

Still nothing.

Not an outright refusal but still not engagement either. She will simply have to keep trying, and Kanaya knows for certain that she has more patience than Karkat has. “It was nice to see him again, even if the circumstances did not turn out to be the best.” She waits a moment. “I will have to speak with him about redesigning his, ah, costume. I think I can make something _much_ more flattering that _that_ , though I do believe I could incorporate the cape easily enough if he insists on keeping it.” 

A wordless grunt.

Progress! Perhaps something more direct? “I expected more of a reaction out of you when you saw him in the little kitchen. Did you see him earlier?”

Karkat shifts, as though trying to get closer to her. A fool’s errand, naturally, when they’re already so close. “Do we have to do this?” he mutters against her rumble spheres. 

“Yes.” Kanaya does her best not to sound smug. While she has wanted to have this conversation, really have it, with him for quite some time, she appreciates that Dave is an extremely painful subject. “Yes, we do.”

He sighs. “Fine.” After a few seconds, he says, “Yeah, I saw him earlier. He, uh, dropped in on us. John and me, I mean. Out by John’s house.”

Kanaya had wondered how Karkat had come to know Dave’s fate. Now she understood. “That must have been shocking.”

A shudder. “I was so… John just got through telling me that he was _dead_ , Kanaya.” She’s almost glad she can’t see his face now; hearing the pain in his voice is difficult enough. “I, I never thought I’d _see_ him again, and there he was, right in front of me, looking like, like he did to before I… you know.” Something that sounds like a laugh but isn’t one. “It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize he was a robot.”

Her claws card through the hair between his horns. “What happened then?”

“This is embarrassing and pointless.” Despite the complaint, he doesn’t force her to prompt him. “What happened is I made a fool of myself.” He twists a little in her hold. “I hugged him and emptied my anguish bladder on his shoulder like a goddamn wriggler running to their Lusus for a fucking daymare, and I couldn’t even listen to what he was saying to me, I was so… so...”

She can see it in her pan’s ganderbulb, and her blood pusher swells with pity. “Shoosh.” When he’s calmer, she says, “It’s all right, Karkat. I’m sure he understood.” 

Karkat shakes his head but doesn’t argue. “And then he apologized to me, unprompted!, for all this ancient shit that doesn’t matter anymore. Like, fucking, not ‘standing up for me’,” the words are even more caustic than usual, “when Crocker ‘micro and macro aggressed me’, whatever the fuck _that_ means. And _then_ he said he should have stopped me from leaving, as though he _ever_ had _any_ input on _anything_ I do!”

There’s a quote from a human story Rose enjoys employing every so often, usually during an argument: “the lady doth protest too much, methinks”. Kanaya has never quite understood it until this moment. Dave has _always_ had some measure of power over Karkat, even after Karkat left him, and that he would deny it is just as expected as it is true. 

Apologies… Dave made a few apologies to Rose, too, hadn’t he? And to Yiffany. How strange. She wonders if Dave would have apologised to her, as well, if he’d had time. It’s somewhat amusing that Dave is the one perceptive enough to realize and admit that all of that ‘ancient shit’ does matter, even if the way he’d gone about it was a bit off-putting.

“Of course, that wasn’t enough for him!” Karkat continues, his arms making short, aborted gestures because Kanaya has him well-pinned. “No, he had to keep spewing shit from his face gash about our personal business right in front of John Egbert, as if he hadn’t humiliated me enough already. Then that asshole actually had the fucking nerve to tell me that he used to—” Karkat abruptly cuts his words short in the way he does when he finally senses he may be saying too much. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” 

“I very much doubt that,” Kanaya says, keeping her voice soft. “What did Dave tell you?”

He remains silent. 

“Karkat?” She feels him trembling and hears him mumble something she can’t understand. “What is it?”

“...me.”

“What?”

“He said, he said he _loved_ me.” 

Karkat sounds so devastated, it takes Kanaya a moment to realize what he’s said. She finds his anguish incomprehensible. “Isn’t that… good news?”

He shakes his head sharply and presses closer as though he’s trying to smother himself with her body. “It’s too late; it’s too late now.”

Too late? How could it be too late when Dave is alive again? “What do you mean?”

A harried kind of sigh. “He _loved_ me, Kanaya; he’s doesn’t _love_ me. Not, not anymore.” He takes another, gasping breath. “Dave w-wanted me b-back before he m-married Jade. He, he said that he was _sorry_ he never, never told me _then_ because he _loved_ me. And—” 

“Shoosh.” Kanaya strokes Karkat’s back and doesn’t bother to try to get him to see reason until he’s calmed. It takes a while for him to become consolable again, and she has plenty of time to parse what happened and why Karkat thinks what he does. Sometimes, her moirail (she feels a thrill of happiness that she’s able to think of him this way at last!) can be quite endearingly stupid.

The first words Karkat says are nonsensical and subdued. “Hurt my fucking hand.” 

“What?”

“When I punched him in the face.” He sounds embarrassed. “I know, I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so _angry_ that he waited until he was a fucking robot to say he,” Karkat trips over the word, “loved me, when it’s too late for me to _do_ anything with that information.”

Although Kanaya approves of the friendship between Karkat and Meenah (their peculiar on again/off again matespritship, less so), it’s clear that her influence on him is stronger than she’d thought. At least, Karkat is not usually one to default to violence when he loses his temper. It’s one of the things that makes him less trollish than he ought to be, but also something which Kanaya admires. “I do not believe it’s too late, unless your feelings toward him have changed.” 

Karkat scoffs in a way which usually accompanies an eye roll. “I don’t have any feelings toward Dave. I’m an unfeeling rock of a troll, and anyone who suggests otherwise is a liar or a complete mental deficient.”

“Which one of those do you believe _I_ am?” Kanaya asks after a moment, feeling confident in her ability to make the inherent threat of those words merely teasing. “I would suggest you choose carefully, Karkat.” 

A tense second of silence which makes Kanaya believe she’s failed to employ her joke correctly before he relaxes again. “Fine. Fine! Fine, I have _feelings_ about Dave. I could even entertain that I might have feelings _for_ Dave,” then his tone takes a sudden turn for the melancholic, “but my feelings don’t matter, Kanaya. He doesn’t… It doesn’t matter if I love him if he doesn’t love me anymore.”

And that’s the crux of the matter. She knows she can tell Karkat over and over that Dave still loves him (if she is certain of anything, she is certain of this), but it will be an exercise in futility. However, Kanaya already has a better solution in mind. “You should tell him how you feel.”

Karkat struggles in her arms, and she loosens her hold enough to allow him to look up at her, he's just as incredulous as she’d expected. “What? Why? What good would that do?”

Kanaya takes advantage of the new position to pat his cheek. “It is only fair, Karkat,” she says reasonably, which is easy for her because she is being entirely reasonable. She smiles down at his suspicious expression. “You complained that he waited so long to tell you; haven’t you waited just as long? Longer now? Surely it would do you no harm—”

“You don’t consider my very real, very imminent humiliation ‘harm’?”

He sounds so outraged, Kanaya can’t help but chuckle. “No. I do not think you will be humiliated at all, however, humiliation is hardly life threatening.”

“Says you,” Karkat grumbles. Then he sighs. “It’s not… it’s not going to be easy for me.”

“Few things worth doing are.” Although she’s hesitant to wield the power of their new relationship, due in great part to it being so new, she would not be doing her duty towards him otherwise. “As your moirail, I insist you try, for I will worry about your emotional stability if you do not.”

Karkat scowls at her before his expression becomes, for lack of a more appropriate word, crafty. “Okay, Kanaya, I’ll tell that idiot how I feel _if_ you promise not to accept anything less than a full fledged apology from Rose for this Yiffany bullshit. Deal?”

Ah. Of course the resident expert in all things romance would not forget that a moirallegiance works both ways. This is not an easy thing Karkat is asking of her, Rose can be quite slippery when she wants to be, but as she’d just finished saying herself, few things worth doing are easy. “Very well. I accept your terms.”

The look of relief on Karkat’s face makes the coming hours of argument with Rose worth it. “Good.” Then he shakes his head. “Next time we do this, we’re making a proper pile. My knees are fucking killing me.”

Kanaya laughs, helping Karkat up to his feet. Now that she’s moving, her back is stiff from leaning over for so long, but she feels too happy about the prospect that there will be a next time to pay the mild ache much mind. “You could have said something sooner.” 

Karkat shakes his head, his eye crinkled at the corner and his lips curved upward. “There were more important things to talk about.” He looks like he’s about to say something more when shouting from outside the door draws his attention. 

The words are impossible to make out, but the voice is young and familiar. “That sounds like Yiffany.”

“What the fuck is happening now?” he growls as he makes his way to the door. Despite his clear annoyance and the thump of his feet as he stomps across the floor, his shoulders are relaxed in a way they haven’t been in a long, long time, and Kanaya feels satisfied with her work.  



	14. Jade

Jade watches John go with the teal troll (Rofert? Ronjet? Something like that), feeling both bereft by his sudden departure and a little lighter without the insistent and undeniable drag of their issues weighing her down like hypergravity. They still have a lot to talk about, but what’s been said already is enough to make her think there’s a chance to have the sort of relationship with John that she’d given up having a long time ago. 

She just has to make sure they keep talking about these things. It’ll be uncomfortable, she’s sure, but that’s a small price to pay to have a brother again.

In the meantime, Jade has to tell Karkat what John is doing. Jade already knows Karkat isn’t going to like it; she’s noticed that the troll doesn’t usually give the literal Gods on his team much of the frontline stuff to do. And it’s not that she doesn’t understand _why_ , but it’s still a little frustrating. They’re not _children_ anymore, and even when they’d _been_ children, they hadn’t needed _Karkat_ to protect them!

And being away from danger hadn’t saved Dave in the end, had it?

She shakes her head and does her best to return to her original train of thought like she’d never left it. The point is Karkat is just going to start yelling the moment she tells him, and it’s not like John is actually under his orders anyway, actually. 

Jade sits back down at the table, decision made. What Karkat doesn’t know won’t hurt her ears, and John will be fine anyway. Out of all of them, she thinks he probably has the best relationship with his God Tier powers. While she has the same level of mastery, she never got to experience her powers as fully herself… 

Bec is still inside her, has always been, and her dreamself had been different from her waking self as well, developed more as her own entity because of how long she’d been awake: more naive, less lonely, more crushed by her losses. During that three year trip on the golden ship, Jade had ample opportunity to determine who she’d become. To discover that the changes hadn’t all been physical.

Not that Jade is unhappy with who and what she is now, but using her powers reminds her of things that are hard to think about sometimes. Rose’s powers made her different, too: more aloof, more cold. And Dave…

Dave _hated_ his powers. 

But John doesn’t have those hangups. He has _other_ hangups, obviously, but she thinks he’s going to be able to put out a few house fires with very little trouble. When it comes to his ‘windy thing’ at least, he knows what he’s doing. 

_“—ove is kind of crazy with a spooky little girl like you!”_

Jade starts at the unexpected interruption of her thoughts. When she pulls her phone out of her pocket, she sees a text from Rose.

TT: Yiffany is on her way. There will be much to discuss. No reply is necessary.

Uncharacteristically of Rose, the text is short and terse. Characteristically, it’s also super ominous. Was that intentional, or can Rose just not help herself anymore? As for what she said, no duh Yiffy and Jade have ‘much to discuss’! That’s the whole reason Jade wants to find her daughter in the first place (and why said daughter is avoiding her). She doesn’t need Rose to rub it in.

Not that she knows what to say to her, naturally. It’d help if Jade understood why Yiffy is mad at _her_ specifically, because she obviously is—there are some advantages to being part dog, and Yiffy rarely bothers trying to hide how she feels anyway. Jade had never told her daughter the circumstances surrounding how she was born, true, and it must have been hard to hear others talk about it the way Kanaya, John, and Karkat were (and this was probably the first time Yiffy had ever seen Rose cry), but… 

Sometimes, Yiffy can be difficult to understand. Sometimes, she can just be difficult. She still remembers vividly Yiffy’s reaction to the decision to send her to Mrs. Paint’s. It… hadn’t gone well. At all. And that was part of the reason Jade made that decision to begin with.

Rose had been the one to make the suggestion, the one to make Jade realize that Yiffy needed more than what only Jade and sometimes Rose could give her. She needed “socialization” and “interaction with peers”. Stuff Jade spent most of her own childhood without. 

And Jade had never had half the problems Yiffy had. 

But maybe Mama Harley (and occasionally Mom Lalonde) for 13 years was a poor substitute for Grandpa Harley alone for—

Jade smells Yiffy before she sees her: distress and tears, and Jade feels her annoyance melt away into concern. She stands and closes the distance between them. As much as she’d like to throw her arms around Yiffy and hold her tight until the hurt goes away, Yiffy only tolerates hugs she initiates. 

She holds out her arms, even so, in case that’s what Yiffy needs. “Yiffy, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Yiffy hesitates before shaking her head. “I need you to come with me.” She snags one of Jade’s hands and starts pulling. “Dad needs your help!”

Her daughter is Harley strong, but Jade only moves anywhere if she wants to; she stays where she is, unable to believe her incredible ears. “Dad? You don’t _have_ a dad…” Jade feels fairly confident that she would have noticed.

A sudden dark fury in Yiffy’s eyes. “I do _now_.”

“That’s… What?” Jade’s expectations for this conversation were all so incompatible with the reality of it, that she’s having trouble finding her footing. She feels on the defensive, like she’s done something wrong, but she doesn’t know how to respond to this final accusation. If it _is_ an accusation, because while it _sounds_ like one, Jade has no idea what is actually being _referred_ to. 

Yiffy shakes her head sharply, apparently frustrated with her poor mama’s obtuseness. “We don’t have _time_ for this,” she mutters, not nearly quietly enough. “I’m talking about Dave, okay? He’s my dad now, and he needs your help.” She tugs on Jade’s hand, insistent. “He started talking weird, and then he, he shut down again, like—”

Jade feels herself snarl before she can think of hiding her reaction. This _joke_ has gone _too_ far. It wasn’t funny before; and it’s _not_ any funnier now that her own daughter is doing it, too! “That _thing_ is not Dave.” Even if that robot _was_ Dave in some actual way, he’s still not her father. He’d made his choice about that _years_ ago. “And Dave is not your father.”

There’s a low growl coming from Yiffy, and she drops Jade’s hand to step back and jab a finger in her direction. “Don’t call him a thing! Just because he’s a robot doesn’t mean he’s not a person.” Then she sneers a sneer which would make Rose proud. “And _you_ don’t get to decide _who_ my father is!”

“Being a robot literally means it’s not a person,” Jade says, trying to introduce some reason into this mess. She doesn’t have it in her to try tackling the other nonsense right now.

Yiffy rolls her eyes. “That is so xenophobic of you.”

And where did she get _that_ from? “Robots aren’t a race.” It’s kind of stupid thing to say, (and, judging from her daughter’s expression, she seems to agree) but Jade is still trying to figure out where she’d lost the thread of this conversation. 

“Do you think I care?” Yiffy returns with patented teenaged snark. Then she shakes her head. “I don’t care that he’s a robot now: he wanted me to be part of his family, and he’s a part of mine.” Her ears lay flat against her skull. “I need him to be okay, okay? You’re the only one around here who knows anything about robots.” She takes a shaky breath. “Can you _please_ just come with me and help? Please?”

The appeal tugs on Jade’s heartstrings, and, yes, she already told Karkat she’d get the thing running again, but… Why the hell is everyone getting so fucking attached to this, this _mockery_ of Dave! It leaves a bad taste in her mouth that Dave is so easily replaced by those who are supposed to have loved him best. At least her daughter never actually met the man, so she, at least, has an excuse for this ridiculousness. 

And it’s ridiculous. If Jade had had any doubts that this robot was not the real Dave, the revelation that it apparently actually considers Yiffy its daughter would have sealed the deal. After all, she’d spent _years_ trying to get the real Dave to do just that, and she hasn’t forgotten what the results of _that_ experiment had been. “Just… Just stop,” Jade demands, perilously close to losing her temper. “I’m not going to listen to this anymore: that robot is not Dave, and you’re not going to have a robot for a dad. I’m sorry, but that’s ridiculous, and I’m not going to stand for it.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Yiffy throws her hands up in the air and stalks closer, her teeth bared. “You know what’s ridiculous, mama? This! What’s happening right fucking now!” 

“Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley,” Jade growls, her lips curling into a warning snarl, “do not take that tone with _me_.”

Yiffy freezes in place for a second before stepping back, scowling. A young pup unhappily minding its mother. “Mama—”

Jade doesn’t want to hear it. “Let me tell you something: the person who programmed this robot didn’t know _anything_ about the real Dave. Because the real Dave? He didn’t _want_ to be a father.” Despite herself, she hears the bitterness in her voice. “I should know: I’m the one who tried to get him to adopt you for _years_ , and—” 

“Bullshit.” The word is quiet, but the force of it stops Jade short. Yiffy’s hands are clenched into fists, and her tail is up, signalling the aggression that Jade can already smell. “Bull. Shit.”

“Yiffy—”

“You didn’t try to get him to adopt _me_ ,” she bites out as though it’s a struggle not to bark instead. “He didn’t even know _I_ existed. You’re lying. _Again_.”

The accusation hurts, like it always does. Jade will admit, tacitly, that there _have_ been times when she _has_ lied about little things, but this time isn’t like that at all. “You’re really not being fair. Maybe I didn’t tell Dave about you _specifically_ , Yiffy, but I’m not lying about him not wanting to be a dad. He...” she trails off.

There’s so much she could say, but she doesn’t want to be cruel to either her daughter or his memory, even if thinking about all that wasted time is still painful and Yiffy’s insistence that a robot is her dad rankles. “He was a good man, Yiffy, he was, and I wish you could have met him, but he… He never wanted that. He never wanted to _be_ a dad, and I think you should stop calling a robot version of him your father.”

“Shows what you know, because he definitely wants to be _my_ dad now.” Yiffy sounds so confident, and Jade’s temper rises. “And he _is_ my dad no matter _what_ you say: he said so.” She takes a deep breath, still dramatic. “So, could you _please_ just come with me, and—”

It’s all Jade can do not to pull her hair out. “You don’t _know_ him,” she manages through grit teeth, “you’ve never _met_ him; you will _never_ meet him. He’s _dead_ , and you don’t know the first thing about him!”

“I know enough!” Her voice is loud and shrill in the way it gets when she’s about to have a full-fledged tantrum. “You know what I know, mama? I know he doesn’t tell me I’m not being fair!”

Jade watches her daughter working herself up, her own anger fading in the face of yet another failure to keep Yiffy under even a little control. At this rate, there won’t be anything she can do until Yiffy wears herself out, but she has to _try_ , doesn’t she? “Yiffy, you need to calm down.”

“He doesn’t tell me to calm down, either!” Yiffy shouts, pointedly not calming down. “He doesn’t tell me I ought to be grateful!” Her eyes are filling with tears, but they’re more furious than hurt, Jade’s pretty sure. 

“That’s enough!” It’s not going to work, Jade already knows this, but she senses other eyes on them, and it’s up to her to at least attempt to parent in this situation. “Yiffy, you’re making a scene.”

“I DON’T CARE!” Yiffy shakes her head, her cheeks wet. “You know what _else_ he doesn’t do? He doesn’t send me away because he doesn’t know what to _do_ with me! He also doesn’t decide he doesn’t want to be my mom anymore!”

Before Jade can make an attempt to ask what Yiffy means by that last part, she hears a door slamming open and smells familiar presences behind her. While her ears are already flattening in anticipation, she doesn’t think she’s ever been more grateful for an incoming Vantas diatribe. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Karkat, as expected, is screaming. “IS EVERYONE GOING TO HAVE A BREAKDOWN IN THE GODDAMN SUSTENANCE BLOCK TONIGHT? SHOULD I HAVE PRINTED UP FLYERS?” She turns to see him shooing the onlookers away. “I DON’T THINK I SOLD TICKETS TO THIS LITTLE SHOW, SO YOU ALL CAN FUCK OFF AND FIND SOME OTHER WAY OF ENTERTAINING YOURSELVES!”

Kanaya puts a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. 

Karkat takes a deep breath. When he speaks again, his voice is at its normal slightly too loud volume. “Now, Harley, tell me what the _fuck_ is going on.” 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Smile, Wave Goodbye, And Pray To The Sky, Oh God.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28603899) by [Three_Depressed_To_Tears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Three_Depressed_To_Tears/pseuds/Three_Depressed_To_Tears)




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